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Little Dancer

Your long, brown, dizzy hair.

Has no place for any such wicked dispair.

Never call upon the ones who forsake you.

They have none the fiercer flames to walk through.

 

Dance little dancer, and see the elaborate light

dance with you. Call to the ones who will heal

your tolerant hazing heart.

Because you can never seek refuge

without going back to the start. It's not ample.

 

They might trample, and scheme your beautiful dreams.

And it's possible little dancer, to cast a spell,

and transfer, their potent rage as

you deny them and turn the page.

 

Your beauty surrounds you well.

As you walk down these halls.

My heart flutters and falls to the ground.

With all resounding, still pounding.

If not I have had just enough to know your name.

To call upon your fiercer flame. That brightest glance.

 

The upheaval,

 

a sudden evil,

 

Wouldn't,

 

No,

 

It couldn't,

 

 

take that heaven from your eyes!

If I die today, tonight.

My spirit will lay at rest ,all fine.

Knowing your name and you knowing mine.

Author notes

Written April 8th, 2006

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 99 of 117     1 2  next >  (show all)
  • EncounteredEpiphany
    January 13, 2008

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    POWERFUL

    This is a piece of art woven from the soul, such a powerful reflection of your domaine!!! LO-AMO SALUTE!!!!!


  • Sedasia
    January 13, 2008

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    Nice work

    Sounds haunting, sounds like she got under your skin. Us mysterious brunettes are like that. Seriously, I like the treachery in the emotions of this poem. Good luck.


  • Ellis gold member
    December 30, 2007
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    Hope for the best


  • creationsfromheart
    December 4, 2007

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    Excellent

    Super primo! Love this the concept and the words, the flow is nice and I as I neared the end it went to a whisper! I love it love it!


  • JinSays gold member
    November 4, 2007

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    Ahhhh, Im so glad you put this on your page, it's just lovely, Dave. I see a tiny little dancer, Maura, spinning in her pretty dress...she loves to dance, and she's graceful too. Excellent read, Dave.
    Im glad I came to check out your new page...love ya,
    Jin


  • MercyMe
    October 26, 2007
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    Started off simple,ended in my thoughts --as screams, then back to a whisper...--somehow through all the words it hit me like a 'chant' of some sort.
    thanks for sharing


  • Gods-Artgal
    October 23, 2007

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    This is a great poem. Can I give this poem to my cousin. She would love this poem since she is a dancer.


  • punk-rising
    October 15, 2007
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    i loved it


  • sweetestkiss1985
    June 12, 2007

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    So passionate and so sexy. I love the vivid imagery of this and feelings so strong. How lucky such a woman as this is to have a man that cares so much.


  • Candy6
    May 25, 2007
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    very good poem.


  • Blushfulmoon silver member
    May 21, 2007

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    excellent~

    Beautiful.....
    So gracefully written indeed...
    Full of light and inspiration....
    Thank you for entering and best of luck in the contest....
    Hugs
    Susan~~~


  • Corvidae
    May 21, 2007

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    Excellent!

    Very well said and smartly written! The way it reads makes me read it again to be sure to get the meaning of the words right. I like that
    I like the subject matter. An unrequitted love, but persistance pays!
    Your ending reminds me of the song 'Iris' by The GooGoo Dolls:

    "If I die today, tonight.

    My spirit will lay at rest ,all fine.

    Knowing your name and you knowing mine."

    Well done! Good luck in the contest!

    ~Corvidae


  • Viyanna Rosemarie silver member
    April 23, 2007

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    i would like to thank you for your entry into this contest for ashley. she will be reading all of the poems and i know she will appreciate this. good luck in this contest. viyanna rosemarie


  • Freestyle Bushido
    April 9, 2007

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    Beautifully written

    This is wonderful poem, so full of light and grace and really feel the personal everyday person behind this piece behind this elegant written poem.


  • fallenangel671
    April 7, 2007

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    i loved it, esp it couldnt take that heaven from your eyes. i love the love expressed toward a person. keep it up!!!
    ~Ashley~


  • aGent Lemon
    March 20, 2007

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    Thank you very much for entering this contest. I may add much more of a comment later on since there are so many other submissions.


    You may want to keep in mind that I will try to open more of the same contests one after another if I can earn enough feedback to do so which I must say would be truly appreciated. Altogether, I hope this will also give everybody a glimpse at one of you're favorite accomplishments which hopefully in turn inspire them to look at what else you've got.


  • badddgirl
    March 18, 2007
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    Beautifully written

    I really like this poem.
    Thank you and good luck!


  • Jennifer Marie
    July 30, 2006
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    Beautiful poem. I love the way it is written, the way the words are placed. So graceful, so free. Just like a dancer. But my favorite line would have to be:

    "It couldn't
    take that heaven from your eyes!"

    I really enjoyed reading this poem. Thank you for sharing!


  • Firequeen
    July 30, 2006
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    wow
    not sure what else to say
    very good write
    keep up the great work


  • Desert-Liliaceae
    July 30, 2006
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    Great write, I really enjoyed reading this. I especially liked the second verse, and the last verse, but the whole thing was amazing. This was a very beautiful piece, and I'm definitely glad i clicked it. Great job, keep up the good work.


  • Manic Poet
    July 30, 2006
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    I like how you moved those other words down like steps...
    It looked cool..
    And your eyes bounced off them.
    It was a good write.


  • Foxydaze14
    July 30, 2006
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    hmmm, I really like this, very beautiful. Strong lines, very structured and well written. You've done such a great job.

  • Peach Chobit
    July 30, 2006
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    Lovely!!

    It's so pretty... I think it's just lovely! And.... I forgot what else I was going to say. >.<;;;;


  • gullionmar
    July 30, 2006
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    very beauitful writig great imagery brings it to life woderful job kee up te good writing

  • oxmike
    April 22, 2006
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    YES....RATE THIS POEM YAY NEVER NEY

    An excellent piece in my opinion; a good grasp of language and such passion for writing.

    You my friend have a gift; go forth and share it with the world


  • BleakXEternity
    April 22, 2006
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    i found it very nice. it was relaxing but at the same time intrigueing. i loved how the end worked out. it had an overall feel of grace and beauty. wonderful write, and spectacular choice of words. you know how to make a poem flow.
    keep writing!
    <3shelby


  • DropsOfCrimsonRain
    April 22, 2006
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    i loved the rhythym of it and how the rhymes came unexpectedly at many points. it makes me wonder why the dancer is in trouble. is there a hidden story behind it? dancers may seem frail, but they're quite strong. very gracefully written, great job.


  • Cherrylv
    April 22, 2006
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    Well thought out rhyming pattern plus nice internal rhyming.


  • magical-dream-sarah
    April 22, 2006
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    fantastic

    amazing poem u have talent its great i enjoyed reading this, the title of ur peom made me wanna read it nd im glad i did cuz its brilliant

  • fredhib
    April 22, 2006
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    A really nice poem i didnt get a couple of bits in it like what's a hazing heart - ive no Idea I was also not sur what was "ample" - the ending is just superb - it was really fine


  • Endeavor gold member
    April 22, 2006
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    Very Good

    Very lovely, Rick


  • ICULookn
    April 22, 2006
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    A Well structured and layed poem, with a great flow and imagery in tack. the title is fitting and the background is such exptional for this piece! Well done on the pen a gifted talent...

  • fruitytooty24
    April 22, 2006
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    I like your poem!!


  • the-darkest-white
    April 22, 2006
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    i brilliant poem, great job you have alot of talenent.

  • dancer
    April 22, 2006
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    ur poem is so goooood!!!

  • karaharapriya silver member
    April 22, 2006
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    The grace and the beauty of the dancer was brought out. I love to watch dancers - creating poetry in movement. And then you creating poetry again of that movement.

  • BabyDawlCryz
    April 22, 2006
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    Well gee, i clicked on this poem because the title reminded me of one of my own but this is a much better write then i could ever imagine even thinking of. its beautiful and has great imagery. i love it! congratulations on a great write!

  • cobaltFox
    April 22, 2006
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    The first and second, and fourth stanzas carry the imagery that I like about this poem. Some thoughts: who are the "they" that are mentioned? a deeper understanding may come about if you further express the identity of the "they" ...it's a rather critical point and should clarify any enigmatic moments. It may also be good to just give it a run through spellcheck. Overall, great stuff


  • ForeverKimberley
    April 22, 2006
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    Very poetic, lots of imagination. I love the style, it gives it originality and more meaning. I really feel for the dancer in this piece. Great work!
    Edited on Apr 22, 1:45 p.m. because ''.

  • princess nik
    April 22, 2006
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    fabulous

    This poem reminded me of when I danced and what I went thru,
    Job well Done. Prncess Nik


  • --Shelbeh--
    April 22, 2006
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    this poem is extremely well penned. i enjoyed it. congratulations on it!


  • real irish rose
    April 22, 2006
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    beautiful love this

    I think I have already read this piece before but I don't care it was a pleasure to read again....it was beautiful and really well written I really did love this xx


  • Matthew OMeara
    April 22, 2006
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    Good Job!

    A well written poem, with a decent flow. Good Job!


  • Smirnoff Ice
    April 22, 2006
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    Fantastic write beautifully written.Excellent piece


  • TizMoi
    April 22, 2006
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    Excellent

    This is such a nice poem, well written, really enjoyed reading this one, keep up the good writing - Di


  • April 22, 2006
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    Beautiful poem. You succeeded in capturing the readers imagination. Very well done!


  • dustookie2
    April 22, 2006
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    yeAH

    nicely done

  • Stormraven
    April 22, 2006
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    This is really nice , I enjoyed reading it Storm


  • rosepoet
    April 22, 2006
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    'This is a very powerful write and beautifully penned.This is absolutely exquisite. Beautiful write expressed here.
    Wonderful words and good flow. Keep up the good work
    Keep up writing


  • Licketysplit
    April 22, 2006
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    just lovely as it is. fabulous!


  • Phantom of opera
    April 22, 2006
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    It's delightful and extremely well written


  • finding faith
    April 22, 2006
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    Wow this poem is so amazing. Ironically i am going to a dance competition this weekend and im so glad that i read this. It is very touching and it makes me delighted to be doing what i love!!
    ~Shanda


  • Blossom Fairy
    April 21, 2006
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    A very lovely poem, presented so well and enjoyed by many, as I see all the comments above mine. Dancers are brave and talented performers and it's a good remembrance here!

  • Billig Billie
    April 21, 2006
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    This is beautiful, I love when I find a poem that touches new grounds. Sure, people have written plenty poems about dancers, but there's such a different atmosphere to this. It a very new reaction to me, and as anyone might, the variations or poems is what makes them exciting to read. I'm glad you woke up a new chapter in poetry about dancing, it has moved me.


  • Yrusonvs
    April 21, 2006
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    beautiful peom with a great premise i loved it. very descriptive and preicse. this is a great original piece.


  • Pisces Pieces
    April 21, 2006
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    I love the concept, this is very creative and flows so nicely, like a dancer..they go together well! Thank you for sharing, I enjoyed the read!

  • FindingFate
    April 21, 2006
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    I had trouble following; but I'm not a dancer either. I enjoyed the use of words and the flow was definetly good. Keep up the good job.


  • shelly shake up
    April 21, 2006
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    good job!!

    beautifully written. i remember my first ricital. we were china dolls and we bowed like the whhole time. but little dancers are so funny!! sometimes they just randomly do dance moves and stuff. good job with ur poem though. it captures the priclessness (is that a word) of a little person on stage.

  • PalmettoSky
    April 21, 2006
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    TTYTThe flow of the write is very impressive and just to the point too. I really appreciate this work. I hope you continue writing because I would love to see what else you have to offer. You paint a rich picture with this pallet of words taking us along enveloping us in the feeling and emotion that pores from each line. very captivating in your choice of words. I liked the overall theme of this poem.
    I thought it had a nice flow and feeling to it. Great message in this poem. Thought provoking, Imaginative, and I loved your creative imagery. Your carefully chosen words painted a picture as I read your poetic work of art. I am glad I read it. thanks for sharing. Keep up the great work. Best of wishes to you. good luck in all that you do....peace always in all ways.


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    April 21, 2006
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    Wonderfully written, I enjoyed this piece. Thanks for sharing it!


  • Jeri gold member
    April 21, 2006
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    Hello,
    This is a beautiful read. So touching.
    Great job!!
    God's touch
    Jeri

  • ocerus
    April 21, 2006
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    I had a little trouble following this at first, but the climax was wonderful, very beautiful, poetic, and moving. Not bad! - oce


  • Jackle silver member
    April 21, 2006
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    happy work!!!

    This was a wonderful write with all fond imagies of children dancing. Love your play with words. Very Happy piece.

  • C-way
    April 21, 2006
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    a-nice-ah! very very nice. I like the way it flows. Its kinda different from others and thats what I like about it....keep it up!

  • childlike faith
    April 21, 2006
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    I liked your poem. It sort of has the rhythm of the music of a ballerina. Liked your background as well. Keep writing. childlike faith


  • XxtoughtimesxX
    April 21, 2006
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    i love it never though that someone has written such a lovley peice before that I have read
    XCayceeX


  • grannyeri gold member
    April 21, 2006
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    watching little girls as they dance in their recitals or spring or year end concerts is priceless. They wave at their parents and grandparents, sometimes forgetting their parts as they smille and wave. Other push and fall - little dancers are sweet. Once they get a bit older, the above could apply. Nicely written.

  • CorazonQuebrado6
    April 21, 2006
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    wow right from the start...wonderful imagery...amazing poem! your words are very powerful and hit the reader with force, just amazing...


  • starwing
    April 21, 2006
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    this was an eloquent piece...one suggestion...use the spellcheck...LOL... other than that..a gorgeous write...keep penning...... peace to you...shzoosy


  • Theroseislovely
    April 21, 2006
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    This was a very well written piece, it has a nice flow, the prose is excellent, and the meaning is deep. The poem has depth written all over it. Your talents are quite amazing. I truly enjoyed reading this poem. ~ANGIE~


  • Cherokee
    April 21, 2006
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    I agree with Seductive Whisper. That's my favorite part too. I just didn't understand some of it but I love your way with words.


  • Viyanna Rosemarie silver member
    April 21, 2006
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    a lot of imagery in here from you. a very great write. i now am trying to figure out a way to become a dancer. not really but this made me think. vilanger

  • haylow
    April 21, 2006
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    brill

    Great poem, lovely style! Cute and effective! Not much more to say apart from it's a great write! haylow x


  • raingoddess gold member
    April 21, 2006
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    This is a wonderful piece, you have done a great here, thank you for sharing and keep them coming.

    Edited on May 04, 8:26 p.m. because ''.


  • mookmoos25
    April 21, 2006
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    This was such a cute little piece! When ever I see a little child dance, I get this emotion that I can't explain, and this summed it all up now. It's amazing and beautiful!
    ~Amanda

  • Angel w o Wings
    April 20, 2006
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    Gee, thanks


  • Child of an Angel
    April 19, 2006
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    This you have doe such a wondeful job with . I have to say my favorite lines are:
    Dance little dancer and see the elaborate light dance with you
    Call to the ones who will heal your tolerant hazing heart
    Because you can never seek refuge without going back to the start
    These lines are so beautiful and true. Amazing job you have done.Strong start, and just as strong at the finish!!!

    Emily


  • TallDrinkofWater
    April 19, 2006
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    Very Good

    I love the dancing And very much enjoyed this poem, Really liked the what a wonderful though to die in bliss


  • Veronica Leigh
    April 19, 2006
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    This is beautiful and filled with wonderful imagery. I really love this piece. You are a talented writer and I applaud you 100 times!


  • dustookie2
    April 19, 2006
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    nicley penned

    oh some really great lines here and imagery and memories of my daughter ..... i enjoyed the journey your words took me on i thank you.... well done


  • MrSaucyBanter
    April 13, 2006
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    This poem is filled with beautiful moments, phrases and images that never quite reach the coherent heights i hoped they would. Still, perhaps you intended that way. A most intriguing write.
    Rhys.
    Edited on Apr 13, 3:31 p.m. because ''.


  • PaintedParisPassion
    April 13, 2006
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    Amazing!

    Wow this is a great write! The rhyming flow is amazing, i loved reading it!!!

    Your beauty surrounds you well
    As you walk down these halls
    My heart flutters and falls to the ground
    With all resounding
    still pounding

    ^Thats great i love it!

    You did an amazing job in writing this, and im glad i got a chance to read it, thanks for sharing!

    Keep writing!



    -SW

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    April 13, 2006
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    A well written poem,the dizzy hair I took as a reference to the dancers hair as it moves as she twirls around.I think sceem maybe spelt scheme.This was enchanting in it`s sweetness and adoration.It was imbued with a sense of purity to me,well done dear poet, love and light,Yvette


  • bludstaindsoliloquy
    April 13, 2006
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    This piece was a work of nothing but absolute creative genius! Your imagery was full . . . wonderful . . . complete . . . and absolutely captivating. It leaves the reader feeling whole . . . as though . . . with the completion of the poem . . . they themselves have been completed! Veri well written piece!

    Keep penning . . . and pretti please . . . remember to keep right on penning!

    Good luck to you on all of your future poetic ventures!

    Maggie

  • Cristea
    April 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    very good

    Very sweet and tender.Good job!
    Sweet love is in the air like a breath of wind that
    touches our hearts.Shiver of love comes into your poem.
    I can see butterflies dancing and searching for love.
    Nice thoughts and deep feelings.I liked your poem.


  • Ink Shadow
    April 13, 2006
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    "Your long brown ,dizzy hair" I didn't understand why "dizzy" hair? Besides second line-end is also rhyme driven. Now, I don't know what to comment. Nice job.

    D


  • gullionmar
    April 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    very well written i do understand what your saying dont let anyone crush your dreams keep writting

  • LipanianBabe33
    April 13, 2006
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    i give you 5 pionts

    its sooooooooooo good

  • blyssful
    April 13, 2006
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    because you can never seek refuge without going back to the start....best line in the poem and how true that is....good work


  • Karen Layne
    April 13, 2006
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    Pretty, but I'm not sure I understand the message hidden therein. I know poetryis a very personal thing and that what has meaning to one may be meaningless to another, but I'll admit I'm lost. It's prettily written though. Good for you. IU like the dancer imagery


  • Omgz Manduhh
    April 13, 2006
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    I thought that this was just beautiful. I love how it ends!

  • sugarplumbfairypam
    April 13, 2006
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    My daughter and I like this poem. I understand what you are saying.

  • dlb
    April 13, 2006
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    i really enjoyed this piece. it flowed smoothly and subtly. i think that you have a very sweet topic and you did it justice. i think that it was uplifting after reading so many sad poems lately! (my own included!!!) nice job.


  • Angel w o Wings
    April 13, 2006
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    Thank you for your knowledge and critique. I did'nt go to school to be a poet, I just am. But, I'm learning alot from everyone here. Thank you, again.


  • twilight seduction
    April 13, 2006
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    How very sweet and pretty, and very moralistic. Good background choice, too.


  • Windworder gold member
    April 13, 2006
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    Although you announced the poem was to be about a dancer, there was little in the poem about dancing in the way of terminology or expressions. I don't understand the word "sceem," in the second stanza and could not logically put another word in its place and make sense of it. Also, the line, "If not I have had just enough," is very awkward in reading and meaning. Perhaps a comma after, "if not," but then the sentence would be attached to the last line of the previous sentence and that does not fit well either. That line served as a complete break in what little meter there is. The last three lines would serve well enought as a poem because of it concise but thought provoking message.


  • triplethreat-brunet
    April 13, 2006
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    I'm a little bit confused what's going on. You find strength in the "tiny dancer" who seems fragile? :because the dancer has inner strength? i'm sorry, i don't understand it.

  • OctoberRain
    April 13, 2006
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    Nice! It says soo much that I have to read it again and again. The more I read the more I understand. I love your usage of words. It is very gripping and takes you right to the heart of how you are feeling. Writing how you feel is very hard sometimes, but in this poem I see and feel exactly what you are trying to get across!!!

    ~OcotberRain~

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