Three sickly voices whisper within me
A language unknown to me, perhaps Greek?
"Wait, dear child; 'til tomorrow!" they tell me
"Very well," I said, "Tomorrow at three."
I fold my hands, sitting in silence as
Three sickly voices whisper within me
A morning breeze wafts in, sweet potpourri
"Today is tomorrow!" I say with glee
"Wait, dear child; 'til tomorrow!"" they tell me
I tap my watch and foot impatiently
"Patience is a virtue, don't you agree?"
Three sickly voices whisper within me
Another tomorrow, chartreuse and green
"Give me your poison lullaby!" I plead
"Wait, dear child; 'til tomorrow!" they tell me
I steal their treasure, tired and hungry
And wait for years to be taken by sleep
Three sickly voices whisper within me
"Wait, dear child; 'til tomorrow!" they tell me
Author notes
I took a couple of liberties with this poem. I'm a teenager--I'm supposed to experiment.
Written April 8th, 2006
A contest entry
- dear. we must eat the liver. sweet as june. we must. dear. by jaunty pill.
300 points, ended June 20, 2006, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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There are some examples on the contest page, iwrote one just to show... so I will come back to read again before judging, the idea is to use the last word of the first line and make a definition...more than a villanelle..an experiment in crafting a form poem...will return to read again...PK
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Bravo!!!
An excellent villanelle! And quite mysterious, just the way I love them! Bravo!!! -
Applause
Dear Elyse, Another lovely poetic form-- the villanelle. I am delighted you are trying your hand with these. You have such a thirst for knowledge and growth and it shows in your work. This form is very difficult to write and you did a fabulous job. It had me on suspense like the Raven (Poe). Wonderful job. Love, Belle -
um....you're cool too!
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ooh you're cool!
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I have never heard of a vilanelle before. This reminds me a bit of Plath but i couldn't tell you why lol cuz it doesnt sound like something she'd write but theres something i cant describe to it
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It's always nice to hear from you, and thanks for the comment. I have only read a few of Frost's poems, so the chances that I read the one you're talking about are slim.
Thanks again,
Elyse
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I am not completely familiar with the villanelle. But what I will say is this is an intriguing and different format. I can see your usual poetic traits all over it , Shining through. But what I also find intriguing is the use of punctuation and heavy , Yet mirrored , Imagery.
There is also the strange tone , The way in which your voice rises out of the ash. It feels dead on , But at the same time , I think it sounds a tad off , Really making the experience stand out. You have a good eye on the transition of words and I don't see this as forced.
Have you ever read some of robert frosts work? This reminds me of a poem I picked up in a bookstore awhile back...Now , I have never been a fan of his poetry. He rides the tails of what people want , Instead of what he wants and most of his poetry is less than satisfying. Anyways , To make a long story short I was capitvated by his use of poise and close watch of language. Which was odd of him , Like he forgot for a poem to stop appeasing the president and came through his showy , Long-winded rants. If I come across the poem I will be sure to send it your way through an IM or post it back here.
This is a great entry. What I find remarkable about reading you is that I am always surprised by the use of creativity that you bring to the table...There is a lot to be desired in your work and that keeps me always reading.
Thanks a lot for this entry and good luck ,
James
Edited on Apr 08, 4:35 p.m. because ''.
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