I live in a web of lies
I can't seem to come clean
I just can't tell them
I can't tell that I actually don't like my bestfriend at all
I was only friends with him to get his sister in the first place
I can't tell how I actually hate school
I get this sinking feeling every time I step into class
I say I am doing better at work then I really am
I am actually not that great at what I do
I feel extremely lonely, I don't know why
I never really go out any more, just school and work
I like blood, I know it sounds weird
I like the taste, look, and feel of it
I used to be closer to my own cousin then I should be
I can't even write anymore on that
I have cheated on so many tests and quizes, it is just rediculus
I actually make cheat sheets sometimes, for things I know already
I am telling a lie right now to somebody over instant messenger
I am doing that while I am writing this
I am actually sick of my girlfriend
I dread everytime I have to see her, I want to leave her, more and more
I think I have a minor form of OCD
I have to make sure light switches and stuff like that are off, then on, then off again
I lie about everything, even when I don't need to
I lie about stupid things, like whether I saw a TV show or something like that
I am not complaining, or saying I am a bad person
I just needed to write this stuff out, to tell somebody
Although, I really didn't give much detail
I really didn't write everything I wanted to write
I just need to come out and say what I really want to say
I keep telling myself I will, but I never do
Author notes
I don't know if anybody will actually read this, like I said, I am not complaining, I just wanted to write this stuff out, and there are some other things I need to write out too, hopefully that will get me on my way to actually coming out and telling all my lies, and being honest for once
Written April 8th, 2006
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Comments
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i relate to this, and that's pretty fucked up. lies tend to take over and soon enough even you can't tell the difference between truth and lies. I'm not telling you what to do, 'cause even I don't know what to do. It's little white lies that get to me, like I tell someone I love a song and what a CD when actually I just fucking hate the song. I tell someone I'm shit scared of birds when I have a pet bird. There you go, I lied again, I don't have a bird, I only have a dog.
It's fucked up. it really is.
But great to see you writing again, mate.
XOX_Hopeful_XOX -
well, you aren't lying here, because everything you're saying in this poem is admitting to lies. I don't know if you realize exactly how brave you are for posting all of this...all I'll say is that it's incredibly admirable. Keep writing and hang in there.
MORSMORDRE!
- The Dark Lady -
wow
I know exactly how you feel. I think getting it all out like this is really good for you. I hope you get better ♥ -
thank you for the comment, actually, I wrote a line about how this poem was possibly a lie itself, but I didn't want to give any readers the wrong idea, so I took the line out, because what I wrote is true, and it is good to hear from somebody who has expirienced what I am feeling at times
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Wowsa. I hear you. I got towards the end when you say "I lie about everything" and I was thinking, Is he lying about this poem? Regardless I hope it is cleansing for you. If it is indeed honestly, it is brutally so and takes a lot of courage. You don't have to continue living lies.....I promise, from someone who has been there!
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