Monday
I wipe the tears from my eyes
Dry the blood dripping from my lips
Blinking hard as I remember the impact of his fists
Pounding into my head
Like he was wishing I was dead
Now a single rose lies upon the bed
And beautiful words penned in his note said
"I'm so sorry baby," he wrote, "it will not happen again
You shouldn't make me mad
You know what happens then
Please just do as I say
Let's just be lovers again
I Love you so, please don't go"
So I sigh and smile, content again for awhile
Tuesday - Wednesday - Thursday
Happiness and joy, God how I love this man. He is the sweetest
most sensitive guy, I just have to try harder and everything will be fine.
He will just love me and won't hit me next time!
Friday
I burnt his steak, he got so mad and broke my nose.
I should have paid more attention
I shouldn't have given him a reason
I have to try to be better and then he will love me again
Now a single rose lies upon the bed
And beautiful words penned in his note said
I'm so sorry baby," he wrote, "it will not happen again
You shouldn't make me mad
You know what happens then
Please just do as I say
Let's just be lovers again
I love you so, please don't go"
So I sigh and smile, content again for awhile
Saturday - Sunday
Happiness and joy, God how I love this man. He is just
the sweetest most sensitive guy, I just have to try harder
and everything will be fine.
He will just love me and won't hit me next time!
Monday
The police are out in the hall
Waiting for the coroner to make the call
Pronounced dead at 9:58 PM
Multiple injuries to the brain
Yes, this poor girl suffered in so much pain
In handcuffs they lead him through the door
He places a rose upon the bed
"I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to make you dead
But you should have watched what you said
Why couldn't you do things right
Why did you have to make me fight
Now you are gone and you've done it again
Because of you Bitch, I will lose my freedom!"
The rose falls from the bed and hits the floor
I guess he's really not sorry anymore!
Author notes
This piece is about domestic abuse!
Written April 7th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Make me cry by xHeartofDarknessx.
300 points, ended September 21, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 96 of 96
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Very Well Writen
it was very hard to decided the winner
but all in all evan though you were all very good
and hope you will enter my next contest comeing soon
so i am now saying tank you for takeing part in my first contest
Kepp up the good work
Thanks
xBx
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I am glad I will suffer no more,
for all the pain you made me endure.
I want to tell you I love you so,
but why do you hate me so?
It's horrible these kind of things happen. I love the repeat of the rhymes. No he was never sorry. Sorry is meant the first time, a plead the second time and afterwards just a deceitful word. This hurts bad, doesn't it? -
Glad you enjoyed the piece, I think the flow is good for I wanted it to show the cycle of abuse that is perpetual. Thanks for the great comment!
Bunny
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ehhh...
I fuckin' hate men like that. Great content but I'm not too crazy about the form. I like poems to flow a little better. Thanks. ~Lilly~ -
Thanks so very much, so glad you enjoyed this piece! Bunny
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awesomepiece
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Thank you so very much for your wonderful insightful remarks, I am glad that the message of this piece reached out! Bunny
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good work
Although this is a very well written piece (the repetition is highly effective), it is the subject that really hit my heart. I have never experienced an abusive relationship personally, but I'm very sorry that any woman has and that many women will. I hope that all of you who have experienced this will find the strength to continue on and find the man who will love you for who you really are. -
Thank you so very much for your wonderfully insightful comments, I am glad you enjoyed this piece! Bunny
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This is a very powerful and emotive piece... And scarily enough it's all too common... You have captured the essence of this vicious cycle so well... The mind games and manipulation... The willingness of the victim to put up with the abuse because of the yearning to be loved... Savouring the good times to try and hide the bad... Some people get out... But, as you've highlighted, some people don't...
Well done on such a great piece and good luck in the contest...
~Ash~ -
Thanks so much, I am glad you enjoyd this piece and I am also glad to hear that you like me got out of an abusive relationship, unfortunately some are not lucky and end up in the way of this piece! hugs, Bunny
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this is an awesome poem, sad but awesome! its raw emotion and in some cases this is so true, when i went through an abusive relationship thats kinda how it went only it ended differently, death would have been easier. great flow in this, its fantastic!
thanx for entering and good luck!
~Abused
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Thanks so very much, I am so glad you enjoyed this piece and thanks for the great remarks! Bunny
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Wow.. You have a lot of comments on this
The piece is very well written, the day by day type account is very effective and fairly unique. The plot is well presented and powerful. Well written overall -
Thanks so very much for the wonderful comments and encouraging applause, I appreciate them so very much. And yes the cycle of abuse is just like this piece, with the victim making accuses for the abuse until it is too late. Even those trying to help meet a brick wall unfortunately.
Bunny
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As a former cop, I used to respond to domestic calls all the time. Too many times, the abused bailed the perp out of jail before my paperwork was done. It got to the point where I stopped caring and just took the call. This follows along so well those calls. Too damned perfect.
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Thanks so very much, I am glad you enjoyed this piece and thanks for the great comments! Bunny
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wow I really like this poem...I feel very angry and depressed...thank you good luck
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Yup, my ex, same way, so many of them out there that I began to wonder if they were cloned. Unfortuantely after great consideration I came to the conclusion that it is women who ultimately contribute to this problem albeit unwittingly. I know sounds weird eh, but I think as mothers to our son's it is our responsibility to show them the right ways to treat a women and the wrong ways. We do them a disservice I believe by catering to their whims when they are children for it is a learned behaviour that they take with them into manhood where they have a wife or girlfriend and expect them to do everything and be everything that their mothers were. Just an opinion, but it makes sense in my mind that if we teach how sons when they are young, that women are not just here to cater to their demands and are strong vibrant members of society just as men are then they grow up knowing this. And not expecting their loved one to be as selfless as mothers can be. I have a son of my own who is 15 now and I realized quite early on that I was sending him the wrong information when one day he said, when asked to do something, "No thats womens work" and got quite upset, well that woke me up and I immediately set to teaching him to take care of himself and not expect a woman to do for him what he could do for himself. obviously this does not cover jealousy and men who are just controlling, but I think it can change a lot if the seeds are planted early in young boys minds and the outcomes for their views on women in general will be changed for the better because of it! Sorry Di, rambling again, god I have always got a soapbox, lol.... forgive me! Bunny
Edited on May 23, 4:24 p.m. because ''. -
Thank you so much for reading and commenting on this piece, I am so glad you enjoyed this piece and I thank you for your wonderful applause and encouragement. Bunny
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wow, it really covers the "love is blind" line. It almost made me cry realizing that so many women do suffer through this, all becouse they are in love.
GREAT JOB!! -
Hi, you just described my ex to a T, only difference there was never a rose as he never said sorry to anyone in his life, a very good write, sorry I am out of applauses until tomorrow, the time difference plays havoc with the applauses, well written with a lot of feel,a big hug Di
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on this piece. I am so glad you enjoyed it! Bunny
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wonderous
this is so sad!!!!!!! it rally did bring a tear to my eye, this is sorta what i was looking for, a story put in different ways! very sad, and very good! pure beauty in it's agony! tre-magnifeic! -
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on this piece, I am so glad you enjoyed it. As for the flow I thought it flowed rather well considering the topic, and I didn't want to make it to sing songy for it should have a slight harshness to remind us of the stark reality. thanks for the comments appreciated so much! Bunny
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Thanks Rod yes it is sad but hopefully this piece will help someone somewhere. Thanks for reading and commenting. Glad you enjoyed it! Bunny
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I love the poem and form you wrote it in. Just my opinion that it did not flow well... I think it is great that you are making aware this horrible deed...Ty for sharing...Trina.
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Thanks so much shzoosy gald you liked this one! Bunny
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sad but true
well it is nice and is a sad piece to read because that kinda stuff goes on and is for real,very good poem and written well,thanks for sharing it.....rod
Edited on May 12 because 'another word'. -
dang this was so hard to read..so many women fall into this trap... this must've been a hard write...peace to you shzoosy
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on this piece. I am sorry to hear that you eperienced this first hand, but I hope that you are safe now and that you never feel this again. Thanks for your great remarks. Hugs Bunny
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Wow!!!! This is amazing!!!! As someone who has been there, let me say, this has made a big impact!!!! Great write!!!! And good luck in the contest!!!!
~Dawn~ -
Thanks so much for reading and comenting, I am so glad you enjoyed this one and yes there is great truth in this piece, for it is an never ending cycle. Bunny
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Beautifully Written
Wow. this was a great write, sooo good, i love how you have it formed with the days and all, and the subject is a very good one, and its a true write, sad but true, nobody should have to go through this! Thanks for entering, Thanks for sharing, and i wish you the best of luck!
Keep Writing!
Good Luck!
-SW
P.s. Put the option # in the author comment box please, i'd hate to have to delete this! -
Yeah it doesn't make sense sometimes eh, thanks for reading and commenting, I am glad that this piece touched you in some way and thanks for the great remarks. Bunny
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Thanks so much Allen for your lovely thoughtful remarks. It is a sad subject that I hoped more people whould get a view into from the read. I had hoped that if it reached one girl in that situation I would deep it a great sucess, I am happy to say that it has done that, I just hope she packs up and gets out before it is too late. And a few people have mentioned that this would be grat as a song in fact they imagined tracy chapman singing it, although I don't even know who she is, lol, oh well we can live and dream eh, take care Bunny
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Wow this is sad. A man treats a woman like dirt , knocks her around a bit ,and she'll always have him back. Treat her like a Queen and give yourself up to her and what happens? She treats you like dirt and leaves you for another. What's wrong with this picture. Great poem . Very emotional.
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Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment on this piece. Glad you enjoyed it and yes reality sucks sometimes, more than some people truly know!
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wow this was so sad to read, this is like a goodbye earl anthem turned around wow, reality can sure kick you in the butt
i liked it, keep up the good work -
Beautiful!
This is very sad but, true. It's a pity that men can be this way and that women often times forgive them. We are so blinded by love and words expressed with nothing behind them. This has a lot of emotion and will hopefully make people think twice before they fall back in again. You have a wonderful talent to write such a story. I think that it would also make for a good song. The flow of it was great. Thanks for sharing it!
Allen0826 -
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on this one, so glad you enjoyed it! Bunny
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Thank you so much for reading and commenting on this piece, so glad you enjoyed this one! Bunny
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Thank you so much for reading and comenting on this piece. I am so glad you liked this one! Bunny
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This is shows so much of the reality. Why are women so vunerable? It's because we have been taught since infancy to nurture, from our moms kissing boo boo's, to ridding the imaginary monsters. Moms are always there, from the moment of birth as we are seperated, we are cuddled in her arms. Women need to see the signs and never wait, they don't change no more than a leopard changes its spots! Very, very nice write, lots os real human emotions, sadness, pity, wonder, makes one ponder why?
Flow was excellent, making it so easy to read. Keep up the fantastic work. Rose -
I like the way that this was written. Quite often a bloke doesn't realise just quite the extent of damage he is doing, but he can't bare to imagine losing you so they apologise and the abused woman believes him, and so the cycle continues. Not always must it end in death, sometimes she can realise what he is doing is wrong and leave him. Abuse should not be tolerated by anyone. There is always a way out, and there is always freedom. Thanks for sharing this with us all, take care, Heather x
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this was such a good poem b-cuz it happens to so many ppl but no1ever really knows whats goin on .....i hope u got that but good write
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This was such a sad piece to read. I think because it's such a reality for many. So many relationships are like this and end in tragedy. Great job on this.
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Thanks Catie rose for reading and commenting. Glad you enjoyed this piece!
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Isn't this just the truth, the way it goes. Excellent write, keep up the good work. Catie
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Thanks so much sarah for reading and commenting. Glad you enjoyed this one and thanks for the hint about the speech marks will check it out. Bunny
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This is a great piece of poetry - it is well thought out and described throughout - a difficult subject to approach and do well, but you have acheived that!
I only suggest that the speech marks are put at the very start and very end of the spoken word instead of at the start of each line!
Sarah Louise Hudson
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Thank you so much for reading and commenting, so glad you liked this piece. Bunny
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This poem speaks of the true cycle of an abusive relationship. Uncontrolled; uncontrolled emotions, uncontrolled reactions, uncontrolled behaviors, almost never a happy ending. Beautifully controlled write though
Edited on Apr 17, 9:52 because ''. -
Thanks so much for reading and commenting, glad you enjoyed this piece. And yes it is true that some can not get out in time, I hope that this piece helps someone who reads it and tells them that it never changes, get out before it's too late!
And I do love hockey, lol....Bunny -
Good
It certainly is a well written poem, I thought it was going to be about hocky - your name. Most abused women can't get out, its a very true to life story for some. Well Done.. -
Thanks so much for reading and comenting, although a difficult subject a much needed reminder to many who are in this situation. thanks Bunny
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uhmm pretty narrative...and more dialogue gave a very personal touch...I cant say I liked the theme cuz nbody would prefer to enjoy sad abusive poems
..but i loved the way you have out the feeling in these words
pretty well
Ankita -
Thank you so much, I only wrote this 2 days ago, and it already won a gold, so it is having an impact that I pleased about. Thanks for your good luck wishes
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Thank you so much for reading and commenting, so glad you enjoyed this piece. And I too hope that everyone gets to read this and see the messages!
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Hope you win the contest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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EXCELLENT
OMG!!!!!!!!!!! This is so powerful and a strong write I really hope people read this poem and if they know anyone who suffers this abuse or in fact suffer them selfs to get help immediatly. Thank you so much for this poem this is a brilliant expression.
Your style and wording everything about this poem is amazing keep writing and again Thank you for sharing this poem I hope people read and there eyes are opened. Much love
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Thanks so much for reading and commenting. Glad you enjoyed this piece!
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An interesting topic and write, to be certain. It makes me uncomfortable, but in a way that's very appropriate, and I think your tone certainly was well-chosen. Good choice, good write. Good luck in the contest!
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Thank you so much for reading and commenting, I am so glad you enjoyed this piece and thank you for your encouraging remarks!
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment, I am so glad that this piece touched you in some way and I hope that all who read this get the message loud and clear. This behaviour needs to stop!
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment, I am glad this piece touched you in some way. I hope that those that read this piece can understand how the circl of violence goes on and maybe get the message out that it needs to be stopped. Thanks for the encouragement appreciate it much...Bunny
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. I am glad that this piece touched you in some way!
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oh boy this is enough to make me cry! It is very lyrical. Kind of reminds me of tracey chapman... very moving. Well done
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BRAVO
I think this was taken right out of everywoman's head...that has ever been in an abusive relationship.I know that when I was in a "bad spot", <--we'll call it, that is the cycle i'd repeat over and over to myself. Your giving them an excuse, because it's hard to understand why, when all you want to do is be with them/love them...that they could actually physcially hurt you. Such a hard concept to grasp, until it graps YOU!!!! very well written, ty
Edited on Apr 10, 9:23 because ''. -
Powerful
POWERFUL Many people wonder why women stay with an abusive man. They just don't understand the filling of love that is there when the "honeymoon phase" begins. I personally had an abusive husband for five years. Took me less time than most, but more than others to realize if I didn't leave I was going to die, more than just on the inside...I could repair that over time, but my children couldn't repair the physical loss if I had died on the outside. This is a tragedy. This is a societal issue that has only recently received the Nations attention, forcing politicians to implement laws to protect those who can't protect themselves. There is still much to do to make these laws actually work, but it's a start. We, as a nation, have definately started taking a stand in saying love doesn't hurt. Abuse of this nature is not exclusive to women. Men encounter it from their women counterparts as well as the man/man, women/women relationship. I applaud and commend you for writing this powerful piece. Finding an educational message in writing is such a blessing. Keep up the awesome work, many blessings to you. -
This is a really good poem. So much of this happens. . . all too often actually. Very good and full of emotion. Keep up the good work
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Thank you so much for your wonderful remarks and applause, I appreciate it so much, take care, Bunny
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Excellent
Congratulations on this great piece of work, you described it to a T, wonderful write, you definitely deserved the gold! Great job poet! -
awww thats k hun! i didnt want you to think i was slating your work...as i really did love it im not sure what i would put...your thought pattern is awesome...
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Thank you for reading and commenting, I am glad to know that this piece touched you especially in your circumstance that you describe. I am so sad to know that this is your reality, but I know love they say can conquer all and yet that is simply not true. You can not change someone, they are the only ones who can change for change must come from inside them. you must protect yourself from them if they can't protect you and place you in harms way. My grandmother always said and this is so true, leopards don't change their spots they just hide them, please take care, and think long and hard about what you want for your life and future. Bunny
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hey, I did not take offence sweetie, was just explaining my thought pattern and trying to understand yours, what would be your suggestion for that line, tks Bunny
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Hun, the poem is incredible..and i understand what the line means..but "make you dead" isn't right...if you get what i mean? the rest of the language is perfect but that makes it colloquial...which spoils it..
Fern -
FANTASTIC
THIS IS SO GREAT ITS MY LIFE PUT INTO WORDS.ITS SCARY WHEN I READ IT BUT I WILL NEVER LEAVE I LOVE HIM AND HOPE ONE DAY HE WILL CHANGE.I GUESS SHE HOPED AS WELL BUT IT NEVER CAME. -
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, I am so glad you enjoyed this piece. As for the line is question, I put it there because i wanted to show that the cycle even in death continues for they will always blame you, at that point in the piece he is apologetic as usual professing his apology and sadness, then a few lines later he realizes that he will lose his freedom so again he blames her, even though she is dead and as usual at the end he is sorry no more! take care, Bunny
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This was an incredible write! really powerful..the only line that made me go arghhh that i hated was "didnt mean to make you dead" that really tore the powerful imgery away for me..i think if you replace that line as it doesnt make sense...this poem would be flawless! well done
Fern
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Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I am so glad you enjoyed it. And yes indeed, it did win! Take care ,Bunny
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this is a fabulous poem and sadly a true account of so many peoples lives. Good luck in the contest I think its a winner
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment, I am so glad you enjoyed this piece and unfortunately i have lived inside this violent circle, the only way to survive is to get out and to never allow someone to control your mind and body for it is a insiduous circle that never ends and ruins your life, your self esteem and makes you don't your own value as a wonderful giving individual with needs and wants of your very own. Take care, Bunny
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beautiful
Oh my God, wow, This was so amazing. I am so impressed my jaw has dropped, I was abused as a child, so this brings back memories in a sense. and that is how it is, they blow up in a rage, and say i love yous the next day, and you forgive them and you pray it will get better and you are led to believe that its all your fault and its all your doing and that if you could only be better, be perfect. but in the end nothing is perfect, nothing ever will be perfect in their eyes. Nicely done, you penned it so well.
I hope nothing of this sort happened to you, and I hope that nothing like this will. This piece has so much truth in it as to what happens in a relation ship like that, it really does. I am truly impressed.
Cheers,
Love and Anarchy -
Thank you Swtpoetryman for taking the time to read and comment and you are so right about this type of predator, as my grandmother would always say "leopards don't change their spots, they just hide them". So so true in these type of cases. And this piece did win the shiny gold as you predicted! thanks for the lovely comments always appreciate them!
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A POWERFUL & PASSIOANTE PIECE!
The Line
BECAUSE OF YOU BITCH reveals this murderers and abusers true nature more than any other line of this fine contest entry which should earn you a Shiny, Gold Trophy along with some extra AP money which is also COOL to have! The repetition showing the cycle of abuse in this sad BUT often TOO TRUE poem hit the nail right on the head in more ways then one and drove this emotional and dark message home! IF your fellow hits you once - it is time to send him packing because once is never enough with these lovers who can't control their violent impulses! Every woman deserves a better fate then this. GOOD LUCK in the contest!
Love & Peace!
Earl. -
Thank you so much for reading and commenting, I am so glad you enjoyed this one and thanks for the encouragement I appreciate it!
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beautiful.. incredibly powerful... you are very talented.. depth to your words and an amzizing write
jess -
Thank you so much red Widow for taking the time to read and comment, I am so glad you enjoyed this piece and yes it would be awesome if it was set to music and had a very chilling video with it. too cool an idea eh...in the meantime I hope this piece lets women see that this is a pattern in some men that they can not change and in the end has the possibility to take away their lives, self esteenm and there ability to control their own destiny!
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Oh wow! I really like it it gave me goosebumps. Could you imagine if you put this to music and then made a amusic video! It would be so perfect! Great write! ~Amanda
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Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment, glad you enjoyed this piece and lets hope it has an impact on those that are suffering thru this ordeal and don't get out!
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Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. Glad you liked this piece and lets hope that these kind of pieces make an impact and help someone to leave or someone else to report and stop it, before the coroner is really called!
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Sentiments well expressed in these lines. Emotions easy to read. Good write. Good rhyme and rhythm, very sad.
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This is really sad and really terrible. This sort of violence is sickening and has to stop. Brilliant write though, you caught the wmotions head on, I know that for a fact. Excellent work. Maybe this will impact upon those individuals who continue to absuse women.
Kitty x -
Thanks so much blondone for reading and for always leaving me your great thoughts and remarks. I am glad you liked this piece and I hope it helps the lady who asked for some pieces on a abuse for she is suffering in a abusive relationship. I truly hope she gets the message in this one!
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Wow what a piece this is full of emotions Cupcrazy really a masterpiece this is some well written heartfelt poetry as always enjoy your reads but this one reaslly catches my heart I've been there the I'm so sorry bullsh** welll this says it all and I hope it touches someone in need cause we are out there I applaud you and this poem I'll have to look into the comtest to see what it's about great write...
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