Hey, can you believe it?
The old bitch is dead.
Don’t be doing that whiny shit,
Ya little nymphet, I know what you’ve said.
Her damn obsession with the Dr’s and meds.
I’m surprised the hemorrhage was just in her head.
You gonna delude yourself, she didn’t love you.
Like saccharine was her love, not your ethereal view.
I’m just being blunt, it’s not catastrophic.
Her laceration they covered, I think with some plastic.
What a plethora of so called friends and family are here.
Even that flamboyant old bag with a cross on each ear.
What do you mean don’t blaspheme the dead?
It’s protection for you, a necessity I’ve said.
I feel your animosity that you juggle and never confess.
With all your pizazz no one will think that you are selfless?
Author notes
This was very different for me and a challenge to be cynical.
My Mothers Funeral is the theme.
I know you may not understand - my Mother slammed a guy at the nursing home for coming into her room & punched another resident lady. She loved that buzzer to make those nurses jump.
Honest!
Written April 6th, 2006
A contest entry
- Ace's "Truly in bad taste" contest. by AceOSpades.
900 points, ended July 3, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
-
I know...
It's ME you're thinkin' 'bout here in this poem that you fiendishly penned, laughing da whole time!
Cool and more cool, you fella poet person! 
-
Well my brother we butt heads again in the contest arena, (strapping on my sword) and loading the 357... well this one is a little disrespectful you might say...LOL...
-
well then..
you should go read my piece in this contest it's about my dad. xD this was a well written piece, and wrather amusing
-
very interesting. especially considering the theme. but it's good. thanks for entering!
-
Dear I regret to inform you that I have no choice but to remove this from my contest. The very first rule was that there be no foul language used. I would love it if you could change a couple of the words in this and resubmit it as I think it is a very good write, however I also know that to change it will alter the intent behind it. If you would like to change it and re-enter it that will be fine, if you would like to write a new one and enter it instead that will be good too. Please do not misunderstand my intent here...I think this is very well written but if I allow it to stay I will start getting more with foul language content and that is not what I wish for.
I hope you understand.
Hugs, Suzi -
Dear forever - silenced,
Yep!
I was going for something over the top of cynical! So it was supposed to gap your mouth open and give a laugh! Although I could just picture the women in my family saying just these words!
Very glad you enjoyed the poem.
Tang -
WOW... this is awesome! well done u hav expressed this very well! Great write keep it up! my favourite lines were
"Her damn obsession with the Dr’s and meds.
I’m surprised the hemorrhage was just in her head.
You gonna delude yourself, she didn’t love you.
Like saccharine was her love, not your ethereal view."
i don't know if it was just me but i found these words quite amusing espesially the lines
"Her damn obsession with the Dr’s and meds.
I’m surprised the hemorrhage was just in her head."
i don't know if it's the effect you wanted but it made me laugh! i absolutely loved this one! thank you for entering gud luck in the contest
~Forever Silenced~
-
Dear rooibos,
Thanks so much for your compliment!
This one was really cynical.
Tang -
WOW this is really good! I read it with wide eyes and at the end I literally said "Wow!"
I loved it! BRILLIANT, good luck in this contest! -
Dear Siren,
Yep! I am a rhymer at heart.
Thanks for your wonderful compliment!
Tang -
Dear morgana raven,
Thanks for seeking out my entry.
This is more of a cynical piece.
I appreciate your compliment!
Tang -
Wow, this is amazing. I adore the way you've told the story. Such unique word choices and great use of rhyme. I can see that you've been writing for quite a while. Once again, great writing. I hope to read more from you in the future. ^^
-
i think this was very nicly rhymed and somehow it isnt been displayed on my contest entries... so i found it this way lol, thank you for entering
laura -
Wow, this was very real, which is why I really liked it. You seem like you can really see people for what they are. Sometimes a pessimistic point of view is an excellent thing to have, right? Ha...thanks so much for sharing...good luck.
-
Dear Lyrickal Chik,
Thanks, I was wanting to pack a punch with this one and go just over the top too!
I appreciate your compliment.
Tang -
wowwwwwwwwwwww....i am inlove with this poem...great job
-
Dear Pretty Vacant,
Thanks for your kind words - I'll try harder to unbury the bad! I hide it very well.
Tang -
Good job, it wasn't all that bad which is what the contest is about. Great job though.
-
Dear Bob the Elder,
I hear you on that one. I've got some of the females in my family that enjoy the Dr's office way too much. But I do feel for those that really do have suffering.
Glad you liked the poem.
Tang -
haha nice.. cynical, rang true for me. but then i'm me. hmm.
-
I'm glad you enjoyed the poem. Not that it's actually about my Mother (it's not) but the subject is: my Mother's funeral. I thought it would fit your contest for being morbid.
Thanks
Tang -
i am still trying to figure this one out. i like it, it is just my mind left me today and ran away. but the first line made me bust out laughing. thanks.
-
congrtaulations
Merry meet,
Congratulations on winning the gold. Once again I am humbled by your talent (doesn't mean I'm giving up though
)
Amythest -
To: Poisonsilver
With as many spelling errors in your own comment, I can understand why you might have been confused about "big words" and their usage. Maybe a typing class would help you also! I'll try to help: supose /supposed, when using i it should always be capitalized or people will think you are doing a lower form of chat talk, kinda <--childish talk don't you think?, glareing/glaring, sugest/suggest, chalange/challenge, POetry/Poetry, takeing/taking, especialy/especially, supose/suppose <--if you miss the same word twice I think that gives us a hint about your spelling, agianst/against, peice/piece, writeing/writing
My goodness I'm worn out now - what do they teach you kids! Or is it really the teacher's fault you won't correct yourself first!
Edited on Apr 07, 11:19 p.m. because ''. -
I liked this, the placement of some of the words you are suposed to use seemed a little out of place, mainly, i think, because they were the only "big words" that were really used so they kinda jump out at you like glareing errors. I wouldn't sugest fixing this, it was a chalange to your thoughts your heart and your hand and you did the best that you could with it. POetry is expression of all that you are and all that you are not at any one time that you sit down and write.
what i really liked was the mention of takeing too much drugs, most people, especialy older people, depend on medication to live a life that they are already stealing. The poem i entered is about that - i supose. but more of a protest agianst the general hatred of age and death.
i really enjoyed reading this peice of you, keep writeing
-Your Poison -
Thanks Donna,
I'm really glad nobody would think I'd really be so bad! This was fun in a naughty sort of way! -
WOW! Tang,
Cyical? You don't say! It made me laugh as well. What a write!
~Donna~ -
Whew! I was wanting to go over the top with this, yet keep in the spirit of the contest. So if it weren't me and some cranky ol'guy then it wouldn't be so funny. Thanks for your kind words.
-
cynical you say but it made me laugh
Roses to you
Teresa
Adding your comment:
1 - 29 of 29
