Each morning I wake up with joy in my heart, looking forward to my day ahead.
Not many people have a job which pays well and which gives them exquisite pleasure
From the moment work begins until the moment work ends. But I do, yes I do.
Work for me is not work: it is happiness, joyful and uplifting happiness.
My heart sings as I travel to work, my heart bursts with orgasmic wonder every second of the day
And I go home feeling fulfilled beyond my wildest dreams. I often work overtime.
Indeed I volunteer for it.
What is my job? Surely you can guess?
I am an interrogator at a prison camp.
It doesn't matter which one.
I can't tell you anyway.
But be assured that you and all the nice folks back home can rest easy because of me
And my brave comrades in blood-letting. So it's one of ours.
And the prisoners are non-Caucasians and they have beards and grovel a lot on the floor for two reasons
(1) they are scared shitless of us
(2) that's how guys with dishcloths on their heads pray.
Ho ho ho, that's a little joke.
We ask questions of the bastards the big tough guys bring in. And then we ask them again.
And again. And again. And again. We enjoy that.
And when we don't get the answers we want from those terrorist motherfuckers, we get a bit nasty.
That's the bit we all really like.
The fingernail pulling, the dousing in ice cold water all night,
The raping, the starving, all the fun of the fair.
I have spent so many happy hours putting questions to those fuckers as they lie
In their own filthy foreign shit and piss in the cells.
And not only their own shit and piss.
Sometimes we give them a bit extra of our own. We aren't supposed to, of course, but what the fuck.
Our government doesn't care a horse's anus for the Geneva Convention,
That load of liberal shite written by weaklings.
I can assure you that I am happy to carry out my work for democracy
And I can promise that no one will go free.
Guantanamo and all the other places are here for the duration.
Life is good to me. And to all the other true grit guys here.
What about women? Well we naturally get to torture them a bit as well.
We normally draw lots to see who gets first poke in the rape 'n' laugh cell.
So thanks for all your support, back home at the ranch.
We surely appreciate your respect in our fun-filled quest for democracy.
God bless America and to a lesser extent Britain.
Author notes
This is 100% true. But it's not about me. Just about the guards at Guantanamo Bay. Or it could equally have applied to Auschwitz. Same sort of people. Same mentality. Same fun job, doing your duty for your country.
Written April 6th, 2006
A contest entry
- Cruelty by Jersey Lily.
300 points, ended November 17, 2006, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Wit-torical Hatred by Minstrel Knight.
300 points, ended June 8, 2008, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BRITAIN - THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!!!!!!! by Edna Sweetlove.
450 points, ended August 5, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Did you not LOVE this?
Comments
1 - 48 of 48
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Wrong contest, babe. But I still like it.
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Whoa!
You really laid it on the line. You should ask Ariosto if you could enter this in his contest. He's got one right now on Abu Ghraib.
Anyway, congrats on the trophies.
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Whoa!
You really laid it on the line. You should ask Ariosto if you could enter this in his contest. He's got one right now on Abu Ghraib.
Anyway, congrats on the trophies.
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Yikes ...
For some reason it keeps double and triple posting on me.
Anyway, congrats on the trophies.
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Boy this one got my blood boiling!!! I HATE people who pick on others just can because they are in the position to do it!!! The more I read it the angrier I got..makes me want to hunt them down and give them a taste of their own medicine!!! Thank you for entering this fine piece of poetry in my contest!!
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Intresting.. but i wanted the point of veiw from a wife.. not really lookng for propaganda. Sorry not what i was looking for .. Good luck thoug
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You wanted the point of view of the wife of one of the hundreds of thousands of Iraqis killed by the American invaders? OK, I'll try and write one for you.
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I have read this before and it is lovely. I am not offended in the slightest as it is 1000% true and probably an understatement. However some people may have been slightly offended. Screw them.
You are guaranteed an honourable mention but the poem is too true and too obviously true to offend anyone except a retard, of which there are millions in that dire area between West NYC and eastern LA. And Wolverhampton too. -
Its a pity that people were offended by this. Its shocking but I think thats a good thing. You have outlined a subject that some people would rather ignore and I admire that. Good luck in the contest and well done on such a great poem. x
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Oh, and please put "light me on fire" in the authors notes.
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First off, I thought this might be an erotica thing, but I was actually pleasantly surprised. This was very well written and I enjoyed reading it, however, I wish it was more centered around the sadism...That's alright though, it was refreshing to read something sadistic that's not totally centered around sex. Thanks for entering and good luck!
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Haha, I like it...
Thanks for entering
~Raven -
This one richly deserved its gold prize. How terribly true it is. Hundreds of people locked up on merest suspicion by a load of liars and hypocrites. Well said indeed!
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Interesting. Not sure it's dark. Cruel, sure, but not particularly dark and dripping with venom, like I wanted. You can do a new one if you like, or leave this. I don't mind. I'm not saying this one won't or will win, just that it wasn't quite what I was looking for and you have the opportunity to revise it.
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Very satyrical, cynical, and, unfortunately, brutally honest. Judging by the copious amount of comments you've recieved, there's not much I can say that hasn't already been said.
Regrettebly, because you've already won a contest with this, I have to disqualify you. I'd like to give you the benefit of the doubt and say that the other contest you entered was recent, and you didn't know you were going to win until two seconds after you entered this one, but I can't stretch the rules for as far back as November 2006. This was a fantastic piece, but I have to wonder: did you enter just for kicks, of because you just skimmed over the rules I posted?
I enjoyed the read anyway, and felt it deserved a comment. Good luck in all your future endeavors! -
I love the way so many dudes out there took this seriously. Irony is a great thing, pity it gets lost on so mnay dumbos. Cooler than cool.
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I LOVED it
Well deserved winner - a glorious celebration of bad taste. I envy you your job - have you any spare photos or have you sold them all to Reuters?
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Photos
I have a few choice ones left over which I only show to special friends. They are a bit stained by now.
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Sir, what an excellent, excellent write. Not only that, but a good fishing trip too, my god you hooked them. Also backed up by some astute comments, I can only salute you. Nearly tall the anti-war stuff on here is as trite and forced and repetitive as the pro camp's bollocks, you've eschewed that with aplomb. A brilliant piece, especially the last line...
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Dear Judges:- There is no "cussing", "cursing", "profanity" or "swearing" here. I will not be censored by puerile prudes.
Edited on Nov 07, 10:41 because 'correction'. -
I am in total agreence with the 3 judges who last posted comments. Bryan summed it uop ebst and really penned his comment perfectly. What more is there to say. I really would like to give ya some points but you did break the rule sof cursing and sorry you are not eligible to qin any point sor places. I would say ebst of luck in the contest but sadly it does not apply to you. as of this moment you have 8 hours to edit the cursing then you can be eligible to place or even win points. Sincerely, Judge Whitetiger1251
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wow, you must be really brave to enter this for my contest when it says "no cussing" or if u don't understand what that meant, it meant "no bad words" or "no profanity" if u want me to remove it i will but if u could change it i'd be happy to keep it because it's an interesting poem despite the cusses...
either u remove this and enter a better one without cusses or i'll remove it and you won't be able to win any points -
I agree that with the above comment as far as it seems to portray a negative stereotype, unless i interpreted this incorrectly. But overall, good write. Good luck.
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Well their are two sides to me, about this write, and I will express them both. First, I am an American soldier. I know of the false-hood this describes. I will not say it hasn't happend, or that it won't again. But, I will say that the reason you have heard of such a thing on the news, or where ever you heard it, is because those responsible were caught, and more importantly-punished. I would love to smack them across the face for the stereotype they gave me as a soldier. but their are poeple like that everywhere. I myself have morrals, and so do all of the soldiers around me. If you think I am lying about this, I would think that you are close minded, and there for do not have a right to comment on things of witch you do not know.
Now, as far as the write goes. It is good. I do not like the subject (obviusly), but as far as taking something and placing yourself in it as though you belong is brilliant. you were clever in your explination of the "enjoyable" things.
judge-Bryan K Johnson
Edited on Oct 27, 7:20 p.m. because 'spelling'. -
unfortunate,but true...many interrogators are sadist...I sense the anger...I get angry too.our leaders here are either a bunch of morons or satan and his disciples...very good write
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Not all Americans and Brits have lost prospective on this subject. But,the two governing bodies sure have.Kudos to you for having the fortitude to speak out.And to our brave that defend our rights to do so. Present and past .Those cast in stone declaired people of common humanity per the Geneva Convention rules that is.~~Suseann
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good
This was very descriptive, and the sarcasm and anger were very apparant. It was a difficult read only because your imagery was too good. You did a good job on a horrible subject. I hope you understand that. -
I shall promote this as I like sarcasm.
Edited on Aug 15, 6:38 because ''. -
The shock element within this write worked,by talking from the voice of supposed reasoning you laid bare that two wrongs do not make a right.The bashing that you have recieved must be from poets who have not referenced what IS happening,if any of those held at Gautenamo were guilty then the evidence would have been found by now,those people are held captive against the Geneva convention,against the moral and ethic codes of humanity they are treated as your poem reveals,by male and female soldiers,including the torture of sensory deprivation to heighten the sensations...
God help us when anyone thinks it is right to treat unconvicted human beings like this.Ironically the same hawks that ensure by their votes and actions that this travesty continues are the same hawks who backed the IRA,who were terrorist murderers too,but they were allowed to have each of their CONVICTED terrorist murderers pardonned from the Maize under the so called peace process,and Bush pressured Blair to agree to these demands and Blair gave in to every demand,the irony is this then,Bush and supporters made us agree to terrorist IRA release from CONVICTED terrorism ( incidently they were treated humanely whilst incarcerated) then guess who was found to be later training Al Qauida in their training camps?The IRA!Hell,what a circle of negativity and back stabbing,the hawks let out those that trained the one's to unleash hell on the USA and UK ,was probably aided by their own funds that were collected by the misrepresentation of the freedom fighting cause,and as for Bush,he is fulfilling his Father's game plan,Bush cares nothing for his own people either,the guy couldn't even leave vacation to supervize aid for the victims of Katrina,the whole thing is a web of deciet,disrespect and despots plotting for power and profit whilst using civilians,the military,hawks and doves all as human chess pieces,all of us are played by the media and their spin doctors and they are content that we debate amongst ourselves whilst the carnage continues.If only both the B's were impeached.If only the hawks took a holiday to the destinations they don't care about and if only the doves made a difference for their wish for peace,for justice that is in accordance with the Geneva convention,for a cessation of hostilities to enable the chance to at least agree to disagree peacefully, but sadly,there are too many cowboys,and look what they did to the Native American Indians on their own land... -
The cynicism was evident in every word. The contrast from how good a job this muct be for this guy (first couple of lines) to how horrifying his job actually was is stark and disgusting. I actually felt sick on reading...so harsh and raw...but so true. And I didn;t see America bashing as much as relaying a message that in a way, some persons have become what they despised and hav enow grown to use the tactics of their enemies - terror in the most absolutely repulsive ways. Biting, intriguing - piercing cause it is true. Bravo.
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If ever anyone wondered why world peace will never happen, this is it. Some people does some other people wrong and they get angry and take revenge, wich in return angers the original offenders and they take revenge, hence the circle of life, the karma of differences..... Boy oh boy we're screwed. Thanks for the piece Professor Klosett.
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I assume readers know this is sarcasm. It's hard to tell sometimes.
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I have mixed views on this yet it is a very good write and I can see your emotion through the words you used the swearing not to much and that was what I was looking for as you only used it when you needed to. Thank you for entering this a different point of view xx
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BRAVO!
This was an amazingly horrifying write, i was cringing the whole way through it not because its a "crappy" write but because it is a very harsh look at part of what is going on in this crazy crazy world, the way you wrote this as if it was your personal life was amazing, and I applaud you for your bravery in writing what so many ppl want to turn a blind eye to. in regards to some of the negative comments you have recieved over this i say screw them, if they want to stay so loyal to a government that is totally insane then shame on them, as an American i wish i had all the answers in my sweaty little hands because im scared shitless about where we are headed, i have kids and a grandaughter, and man we are really making this world into a scary place, and that includes everyone across the boards. Bravo on this write, its sickening but damn aint it the truth!
Blessings
Linda
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I don't doubt that some of this goes on. I do doubt that it is the rule. Forcing democracy on people is not democratic. Besides, we currently are living under a dictatorship and not a democracy. At best we have a socialized capitalistic representative democracy. Currently under wartime martial law, it is a dictatorship, but few of its citizens know or understand that. I enjoyed the write. I hope to see you more often.
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Your comment is (how shall I say this) unclear.
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mint
respek... a concious one
the oil dash
rich game for cash
to catch the black card....
peace tj -
with regards to Mark, sorry, I mean the last boy scout, you know all about reporting people to the Mods, hence the reason your nose is almost as brown as your neck is red.
as for the post, I was thinking of writing something along these lines but don't think I shall now!
very well done, isn't it amazing that whenever one of the crusaders are captured the 'Geneva convention' is quoted again and again but when it is regarding prisoners being held without trial they all go quiet.
Edited on Jun 23, 1:18 p.m. because 'dumbed it down for m.r'. -
To Boy Scout: you have been reported to the moderators. There are rules here about telling people their work is shit. Your hope that american prison guards torture prisoners is just plain disgusting. Yucch.
Edited on Aug 14, 10:15 because ''. -
I just joined this site and am repulsed by all the America bashing I see. It really shows you what's happening to the moral character of the average human being when the good guys become the bad guys, and the bad guys become objects of sympathy. Everything is backwards.
Let me explain this nice and slow so even you can understand.
U.S. and English forces have rules. Terrorists don't. When U.S. soldiers break those rules, they get punished.
Even if the U.S. was torturing prisoners (and I hope they are), how do you make a silent prisoner speak? This is war. If slapping around some piece of human garbage loosens up his tongue a little, and that prevents another horrific attack, so be it.
I'd love to see what you would do if one of these monsters kidnapped your daughter and you had his best friend in your basement. What would you be willing to do to find out where your daughter was? You'd be sticking pins in his eyeballs and you know it. But as long as it's other people's lives, you're self-righteously against torture, right? I mean, who cares about strangers? You're probably hoping America gets attacked again so you can have more interesting TV viewing to liven up your miserable life and so you can feel like your hatred of countries that have their shit together (Germany not included) is justified.
I know soldiers at Guantanamo who have no reason to lie to me and they say the prisoners are practically running the place. They can spit in their eye and there's nothing they can do about it for fear of a court martial. We're civilized. They're not. Capiche? Ahhhh, the poor suicide bombers were scared by doggies. Give me a break. You libs are a joke. Plenty of criticism but no suggestions about how things can be done differently. I hope they attack Germany soon, particularly your street. That's probably the only way you'll be able to extricate your head from your ass.
Edited on Jun 23, 5:04 p.m. because ''. -
Interesting. I liked this and it attacks a issue that many people just like to ignore. They ignore it because they do not have to face it everyday. By putting this in front of their faces you let them know, "hey, this shit is actually going on... REALLY." Good job.
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ouch klosett, you have strong opinions. First I must say that I respect everyone's right to thierown opinions. That is one reason why I spent 22 years defending that right. But, to me it really hurts right down to ther vrey fiber of my being to be assulted in such a horrific manner. I won't comment on style, form or anything like that because I don't believe you want that. Image and Visions
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Excellent poem
Awesome poem and content was great, very vividly done as well, excellent poem -
Genius. No less.
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Choppy? How can you say a poem is choppy? You mean shaped like a pork chop? I liked the poem and applauded it. But of course it wasn't a poem anyway.
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Well written. There were a few parts where it read choppy, but the message is conveyed very well regardless.
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Job Satisfaction!
And God Bless you too for the amazing work you do with diligence and obviously great enjoyment.It is so refreshing to meet a man who can honestly say he loves his work.You are obviuosly a people person /and the job description sounds like a jolly good time is had by all.All that torture seems to bring out your best qualities and you even volunteer for over time,you tirless tyrant you.A winner my friend.
Thank you sooo much for giving us little Brits. a mention though I know where your true loyalties lie
P.S.Am looking for a part time job.Could you slip in a word.Elizabeth.
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