all over
red rover
doesn't it feel uncomfortable
like the way the rain steams an already too-hot day
you wrote me off
just like that
the conversations became forced
suddenly i am the aloof version of myself
version 2.0
special features include:
one broken heart
a missing appetite
memories
and a limited edition plastered smile
i can't think of where to take it from here
all the little things that kept me warm
are now
technicalities
but you're in my songs
my living room
the places i go to release
you're still there
out of sight, out of mind doesn't always work like magic
but it will
because it's over
Author notes
break ups suck.
Written April 6th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Posted in April, it is September now, even 'down under', time to get back to writing.
This is nicely done...with some very good lines...some very original lines...incorporating modern terms, but, 'user friendly' terms that a new generation can relate to; well done.
From an old jazz song you most likely never heard:
Just Friends...Lovers no more...
Just two friends...but not like before...
We loved we laughed we cried
and suddenly love died...
and we're just friends...
lovers no more....
The challenge is...of course...for a poet...to boil those life changing events down to a soup stock from which more and perhaps better flavors might emerge...
amicus...
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mmm. your emotional achings have spawned a following of sorts - go you
. That said, I like the version 2.0 clause, and you certainly seem to have captured the pain (and something of the alienation) of break ups. I feel that. Go. You.
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Yup break ups suck but this rocks!! You have penned some desperately sad feelings here. well done x
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great poem!
The word play rocks! awesome piece of poetic art you have composed here. I know its hard to breake up, and thats when they seem to never go away. You have done a beautiful job in composing this beautiful poem. write on!...ennovy -
I liked this piece. It was really good.
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Nicely done.
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nicely done
yeah but that's life and we get over them and move and wonder what the hell we saw in the frist place....nice imagery and feeling got that just wont go away feeling good one...effective -
This was well done i thought but so many potentially good pieces on here suffer AP syndrome where they're shrunken down for the fortune cookie and Haiku crowd of "foook" that's a wee bit long and challenging if it's anything beyond a lymerick. Stay true dude, leave space for emotional attachment which is often much more rewarding when captured into something a little chunkier. Take care!
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Yeah break ups really suck and im sorry but, this poem doesn't. I really this all of it. I like the end alot.
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1 - 9 of 9
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