I saw my sunset garden
When you lifted me from slain
In your eyes, my velvet garden
In your heart, my midnight rose
I never saw my sunset garden
Spoke the words that never came
'Til I saw my sunset garden
Where The Holy Whisper flows
A battered soldier masterpiece
A broken-splintered spear
With lines that stain like blood-soaked fingers
And feet that grind like fear
With nothing more to offer you
No castle far from here
With nothing but the nothing left
To offer you, my dear
Aion of The Air-Soaked Realm
Only king of your domain
In your eyes, my velvet garden
In your heart, my midnight rose
Aion, I'm the ground you tend
You're the nudge beneath my strain
You're the love the world is empty of
I'm the only one who knows
So goodnight to sunset gardens
Goodbye to daylight-chasing dreams
I'm off to see if I remember
The specifics of extremes
When I'm lost inside your memory
When I'm crawling through the blue
Where all that I'll be sure of
Is how I know that I loved you.
Author notes
Falling through your cloud's eye
I hope you catch me
Waiting
I hope you catch me
Written April 5th, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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Excellent
Music with words -- very beautiful music. -
AMazing work here.
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Very nice piece, i enjoyed every part of it, from start to finish it held my attention and beckoned me to read more... Very touching...
Astral Wolf -
Something different, Not sure what to partake of it really. I feel it confuses the reader, yet the comments say different. Thank you for sharing. God Bless.
Rose -
this is wonderful... I am soo pleased... i dunno... this poem is just soo i love it very much greg.. really nice job... I am just so speechless
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This is beautful. I love that painting. You are very creative both with your words and your visual choices.
I look forward to reading more of your poetry.
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As always, I love the concepts and imagrey you used. I'm not terribly crazy about the first stanza either, but the rest (especially the end!) more than makes up for it. I know you have a cadence going and I dont want to mess that up, but I would suggest maybe finding some synoymns to replace at least one of the "gardens" in the first stanza. Just a thought.
Great write once again.
ps I have some new music for you.
Edited on Apr 06, 11:49 because ''. -
As I was reading this I wondered who could come up with something so beautifully written. I,myself, never thought of this at all. Great job
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Excellent Writing
Deeply moving beauty of perceptions absorbed and feelings generated from the experiience of one of a bonded pair conveyed to the other and made available to us right here...
"You're the love the world is empty of
I'm the only one who knows"
...not any more! Thanks, Sidespinner-winner. --Ellis -
i thought this poem was beautifull, lovely written and good words well done
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beautifully written, I especially like the lines "with nothing but the nothing left to offer you my dear".
Rory -
Bravo
I believe that Wesley Storer summed it up, this is a masterpiece of a write. One of the finest that I have read and I have read some really good poetry on here. It is superb. Bravo. Not enough applauses for this. -
i love that last verse!!! good job!!
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excellent
Excellet poem. A job well done. -
thumbs way up
So lovely, the sentiment was unparalelled, and flawless. Consistent thought pattern, supported by strong, heartfelt emotion. Great Job
Sincerely, crjem1991 -
I enjoyed the gothic tone to this but was somewhat lost in the cryptic message at first. Perhaps it was the constant flow of the same idea that finally brought me to the finish line where love, as always, prevails.
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Unique photo used ofr this write - with nothing but the nothing left - who would want such a thing from anyone? Sounds like a lament in a way.
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I am in conflict with myself over this poem. at first I wasn't keen on the first stanza, the repetition of I saw my sunset garden, but by the very end I was thinking "beautiful" I am still not sure of that first verse and can't understand why it works so well.Will have to read it again (3rd time) Val
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I loved the tempo of the poem. The imagery of a solder dying but being lifted up to his awaiting reward. I let out my breath with a whoosh at the end of this poem. Then I had to re-read it out loud because it was so very beautiful.
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very good
Nice touch of feelings.Deep feelings.
Holy whispers flows to our love.
Very sweet.Nice thoughts.I liked your poem.
Good job!Nice poem. -
you're fine
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i am so sorry for wasting your points. i saw your name and did not pay attention to the title. forgive me.
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one hour on the library computer is never enough time to give you the attention you deserve.
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ineresting write. makes one really think about one's life and the people in it. not your usual style, yet not much different, dont really know how to take it. keep making people think about the world around them. later Honeybe
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pleasing
Very unusually pleasing to the mind. Good write. -
When I'm lost inside your memory
When I'm crawling through the blue
Where all that I'll be sure of
Is how I know that I loved you.
this stanza is very intense to me as i have so been there before and do not want to feel that way ever again. i love ever finds me again, i hope it keeps me right there in his heart forever.
i really like this from you. i thought the rhyme scheme was fine. but that is just me. you amaze me sometimes with the things you come up with and this is no exception. viyanna r langager -
This is pretty decent. The rhyme needs a little work in my opinion, but maybe you intended it that way? This isn't your best work, but it's pretty good nonetheless. - oce
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wow... brilliant writing.... beautiful... i loved it. i can see why you have a book published,.... by the way i absolutely love the fron cover picture... it is perfect.
keep writing
jess
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