I'm outside in the rain
again.
Looking down at the
cold grey stone-
i'm all alone.
I used to like solitude
and tranquility.
Not any more-
because now it's not a matter
of choice for me.
It's been forced upon me
by faceless, hypocritical
wankers.
Who steal the money i spend
in the newsagents each morning-
and spend it on;
fuck all.
It's not enough
to punish me-
humiliate me;
and take away my human rights,
they have to shame me
and throw me outside
in the rain.
If you bastards want the place smoke free-
ban cigarettes outright.
DO NOT take the money
i spend in the newsagents each morning,
then throw me outside
in the pissing rain.
Author notes
the goverments smoking ban.
Written April 4th, 2006
A contest entry
- Freewrite by Ava Noire.
550 points, ended January 24, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Its always Rainin' in my Head by A.N. Divine.
450 points, ended January 23, 2007, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GIVE ME REVOLUTION! by JULzz- ROLaa.
350 points, ended February 17, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Freedom! Is it really freedom? by lonewolvernsoul.
525 points, ended April 20, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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heheh
original. put caged in the boz please and ill just have to smile
=)
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Hahaha now this, this is ehat I was looking for.
Pretty fucking awesome.
Pardon my french.
I agree, naturally.
Although smoking is unattractive, makes you reek of toxins and ruins the enviorment, its a persons right to spoil their innards.
I applaud you. Very good job. Nice and strong.
-C.
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When I read the line "I'm in the rain...alone," I almost stopped reading. Its too cliche to open your poem. The rest of the poem got better so I know you have the talent to draw readers in using a less cliche beginning.
Its not a rant I sympathize with, as I myself and my children have asthma and too many people have respiratory illnesses that are worse when they are subject to smoke. But I agree with some of the points you made here about taking money and whatnot.
thanks for entering my contest.
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Great poen. I can totally relate to this. Thank you for expressing it so well.
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Good poem, I like it a lot. People can't help their addictions once you've got one you've got one. This was a good rant against the hypocricy (sp?) of the nanny state
'i'/'i'm' needs capitalising throughout though
All the best
Pozo
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i love how you wrote this all about ciggaretts *cant spell* its cool though , its a great poem, with a good point. thanks for entering! and good luck!
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lots of passion..good for you. fight your cause mate.
awesome work and good luck in the contest..all the best
keep it up mate -
i take it you're not british then
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has not nayonje got any happy stories or poems? why the fek it is all angst and death! spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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it's directed at the government,
thanks for reading,
floorboards. -
hmmmm i'm not really sure i understand this poem.. maybe i'm just stupid and should go and read it again..something about government?? but this is good, you can feel the emotion, best of luck
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ok,i've misunderstood you,
sorry,
floorboards. -
That was not a parting shot, I was completely honest. You will get a trophy with this. It was not intended sarcastic at all.
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the review was fine,i can handle honest critiques but it was the sarcastic parting shot that got me,it was totally uncalled for,
floorboards. -
I'm not even sure what that is. However, you invited a critical review, and I gave you one. It was a watered down version of a real critique. There's no need to call names. If you don't want someone to point out flaws in your writing, perhaps you shouldn't check the review box.
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you are an absolute prat.
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I think this piece would have a much more powerful effect if details were given. The anger in the piece is good and comes across very strong, but it is directionless. It seems the anger is directed towards "Them"- but who are they? The "faceless, hypocritical, wankers" means nothing to me. Who's faceless and hypocritical? In my neck of the woods, wankers are people who play guitar or drums. So what does it mean to you?
Thank you for taking the time to enter this in my contest. I'm sure it will place, if you place it elsewhere. -
thank you very fucking much!
floorboards. -
Fucking
Love
It.
Thank you for entering and good luck! -
Very good right. I know what you mean about the anger you feel towards the gov.. Excellent poem
Good luck
<33
Raeanne -
thanks a lot,
floorboards. -
beautiful...good luck
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thanks again,
floorboards. -
hipocrasy shown brillaintly here. painful
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Interesting way of expressing your feelings... could relate to it completely... keep the anger flowing into your poetry... it will disappear in wisps of smoke soon
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Very good!
This one is very good, Alex! Actually, I don't smoke, but I am all in favor for smokers' rights. I think there are too many control freaks in government now who want to control EVERY single aspect of our lives. They'll never ban cigarettes or alcohol because it brings in the $$$$$. By the way, thanks for your poetry advice, will keep it in mind. Take care over there! -
Id be angry too, they are trying to ban it here in the states, this, the so called free country and land of the free, Ha mor like this is a free country but your not allowed to do anything we disprove of...hmmmm makes you wonder eh?
Cheers -
thank you very much again my friend,
floorboards. -
Enjoying my tea and smoke.
As an occasional smoker second that emotion!Have been thrown out in the rain and sat by the toilets if ever had the audacity to light up. Thosethat act the most viciously are the ones who just gave up and are gasping for a puff.Now am not saying it is the healthiest thing in the world to smoke but what about all those heavy drinkers?My pretty,dainty little grandmother passed away with a clear chest and conscience at the age of 93.she loved her cigarettes and a nip of something strong.She also loved life!Well done and will join you in the rain.Elizabeth. -
thanks again jeff,i'm going through an angry phase just now as you can probably see.roll along summer...
alex -
Again a good write, very true of the hypocritical thieves we call a goverment
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