The man was already dead before he entered the tavern.
The bullets flew threw his body but he couldn't feel them.
That was the one time the women in red could get him to smile.
His body fell to the earth, but his soul rose to heaven.
The little boy who saw all of this don't even frown.
When I grow up, I wanna shoot me some ghosts too.
And that was the end of it.
The sun went down into the fiery pits of hell.
The only thing left was the ace of diamonds.
soaked in blood the queen found her reward.
Author notes
Written April 4th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
Huh?
Well, please tell...you got any more of the (special stash?) left? Just kidding...this poem has left me feeling loopy, like, huh? I really like the last line..."the only thing left was the ace of diamonds...soaked in blood the queen found her reward.". I couldn't figutre it out...but it sounded cool anyway. It created a picture in my mind that left me feeling like...a strange dream with special meaning, then you wake up...and wow! there's something just lying there mysteriously in the real world. Ain't it funny what the subconscious will throw at us. Oh, I also liked the imagery of the sun going down "into the fiery pits of hell"! Fantastic mental effect. This poem really isn't "gory" - maybe it's "allegory"? I don't know what it means, but I keep reading it like replaying a vivid dream one tries and tries to figure out...please keep writing, because I adore your poetry!!
-
cool,like the idea,but maybe you should add something...but great anyway
-
hmm not as gory as I thought it would be, but it's a pretty good poem. good job, if you like gore and stuff check out my Killer Killer Story, it's very gorey. but anyways, this was a prety good write. I think you could make it longer, and maybe make the scene more describtive. but if short was what you were looking for. you did a good job.
-
hey yeah.. this is very weird.. this is interesting.. and very different kind of thing to write about.. i dnt really have anything else to say about it unfortunately. but since its featured i thought i had better comment..
great write..
=) ~toni~ -
Hi, I feel like I missed something,lol, why ,how,and wherefor, this I felt was incomplete, as if lines had been removed telling the story, all the best, Di
-
WOW!!!
Hey I LOVE THIS...I am not even being modest!!! Keep up the Good work!!!!!!!!!!
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
