Self hate, self hate,
To feel you if just like life.
The things I've done,
Are all mistakes.
To take my life,
My heart is caged.
Caged in you mind,
Of sickness and words.
To yell at me when you're mad,
And slap mum, too.
You never hit with your hand,
But you hit me with your words.
I want to run away from you,
You caused me to hate.
You raised to be prefect,
But I know I can never be.
To punish myself when i failed you,
I played with matches and my skin I burned.
It's been a while,
Since I've started.
In second grade my heart bade,
To hate myself in the passionate flames.
Two years later,
I failed at test.
I got a B+,
Oh the Sin.
I was used to burning by then,
It didn't hurt, it didn't bleed.
So I went into mum's sewing room,
Got a pin and began to prick.
The blood rose into a sphere,
I still remember the lust I felt.
Two years after that,
I discovered a knife.
When they found out I was cheating,
You got angry, and called me stupid.
I guess I am because I cheated,
And i cheated for you.
I slit upon my arm,
And you thought someone told me to.
You are right in that assumption,
You did, you told me to.
One year later,
I moved to France.
I hated my then,
And I hate it more now.
There I discovered razors and pencil sharpeners,
And slit even deeper than before.
I carved in words into my arm,
"FUCK YOU" and "VOIR QUE JTM, JS."
I was ratted out, by my best friend,
She told them all, and I was expelled.
My father hit me, that single time,
Only after mum's bruise on my arm had healed.
I only told a few people the truth,
And now I know, no one cares.
A month ago I attempted suicide,
To escape from my life of mistakes.
To get away from you,
To hurt you because it was your fault.
I got stitches, and was but into UNI,
And I wasn't believed when I said "I'm not better."
Last weekend was the Championships,
There were forty-five other girls.
And when I got fifth, I heard you say,
"You could have done better, you little bitch."
I am now 14,
But i feel much older.
I feel as if in dieing,
I can be reborn again clean.
My body is covered in scars and scabs,
And I failed at everything I ever did.
And now you know,
My self hatred is ...
... Because of YOU.
Author notes
ok.... UNI = Utah neropsychiatric institute. the Championships of the inter-moutain divetion South Sersis Salom and Snow Baison. i guess i did fail in everything.
Written April 3rd, 2006
A contest entry
- tell me why you hate yourself by sexfiend88.
400 points, ended April 29, 2006, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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heylo my dearest, yeah..t'inkete pa, and yeh i understand if u hv to do it, cuz i kno the feeling and its not exacly controlabe ..ble mush'll b on my bak, she doesnt exacly kno wat ive done and hvnt done...shitz...
lol
anyway luv ur poem! ur a great writer riri! and even if u hate urself, let others love u, and dnt let them put u down!!
miss u tons and dnt die on me gurl, i needs u alive!!!
xxxxxxx
mwaziepoow
xxxxxxx -
jesus christ your 14?!?i thought htis poem was by soemone much older than me and im so so sorry that everything happened-if it helps your amazingly talented at writing-well doen good luck and keep up the good work
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hhihihi!! haha... lol... i am sooo stupid XDDDDDD
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MY MUM IS NOT IN THE HOSPITAL! she was in amsterdam! sheesh woman! im callin u! duuuuudeeeeee i never said that...wat are u talkin about...wattttttttt? just a sec....
*calls ur mum*
okay sarah, my mum was never in the hospital...actually she's quite healthy... she...um, well, yea, she has pink eye, so u can pray for that...but shes alive and just got back from a woman's retreat in amsterdam. im so sry if i said anythign that made u think she was in the hospital...
its okay dearest, it's okay. and again, im sooooo sry for telling. seriously i didnt tell about u writing on ur arms. i just told about that horrid fight we'd had about the blades in ur locker...
i luv u always and forever...and u no i enjoy readin ur poetry...and heck, u got talent woman. it hurts that i gotta read ur pain tho, specially when yu sounded so good on saturday. i luv u, forever and a day woman. and plz dont hesitate to call me...(u hav the number sumwher ...lol)
remember, u promised me ...plz dont ... *sighs* but ill understand if u hav to...:'(
mushy
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