for Suzanne Smee
in memory of her daughter Nicole Vance
(March 1989 – October 2005)
Clear waters meditate on hidden sounds;
a silver sickle sinks into the twilight
as fallen leaves are scattered by the wind;
bright eyes search the heavens for distant hints of hope;
bare feet wade through shallow waves in silence
where oaks and tamaracks extend their fading hues.
Whispered prayers rustle unseen boughs
like spirits moved to trembling in the darkness;
clear waters meditate on hidden sounds,
the rise and fall of cricket-song crescendos,
the muffled sobs of anguish, alone and undiscerned;
bare feet wade through shallow waves in silence.
A sort of vision quest for understanding
unfolds between a chapel and the night
as fallen leaves are scattered by the wind
and falling stars leave traces of promise in the skies,
now powerless to dissipate confusion—
the muffled sobs of anguish, alone and undiscerned.
Dawn breaks pale on Erie’s inland sea;
the great blue heron lifts to meet the half-light;
clear waters meditate on hidden sounds,
a rapid ringing tap that echoes clearly,
the rosy call of grosbeaks sifting through the woods,
now powerless to dissipate confusion.
A troubled psyche left our world to wander
among those planes that phase amid the shade;
as fallen leaves are scattered by the wind,
gentle spirits join to keep a subtle wake—
the Chagrin River shares a song of mourning,
the rosy call of grosbeaks sifting through the woods.
Colors pale before the nearing winter;
a phantom half acknowledged walks the shadows;
clear waters meditate on hidden sounds
as fallen leaves are scattered by the wind;
yet still within the dream-space of the living
bright eyes search the heavens for distant hints of hope;
the Chagrin River shares a song of mourning
where oaks and tamaracks extend their fading hues.
Author notes
Nicole Vance (1989 - 2005): nicole-vance.memory-of.com/about.aspx
to learn more about the hybridanelle: allpoetry.com/Column/1086828/all=1
Written March 13th, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
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wow that is beautiful
i never heard anyone describe stuff like u do. I love the water parts -
simply beautiful
so well crafted to the difficult form, but form is forgotten in the gentle roll of this splendid narration; and in the expressive pageantry of rivers, lakes, sounds,birds, and sky born fantasies...simply beautiful and artistic...PK
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Just stopping by for a visit on nikkis 1 year anniversary, It seems stupid to call it an anniversary but for a lack of a better term thats what Im calling it. Thank you again for writing this, I know you struggled with a few of your own demons during the proccess but please know that it meant so much to me
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Just came back for a visit, and it still takes my breath away
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Erin I just wanted you to know that I read this poem almost everyday and it has become a source of comfort to me. Thank you again for writing this.
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a very well written example of the style. You have done it in such a way that the reader is convinced that this poem could have been written in no other way. The mystical quality of the images used is fantastic.
I looked for a favourite line to quote and realised I cannot. This poem must be looked at as a whole because the relationship between each line is so strong and while one could quote a line it is impossible to stop the flow onto the next. -
wowwwww
hi zahhar,
its one of the most wonderful piece of writing... great job
regards,
abhimanyu -
I am not sure what a hybridanelle is, but your poem is very nicely written. The metaphors are very nicely done as well. Your stanza format, I guess is why this is a hybridanelle? Good write though. TempestAira.
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EXCELLENCE AT IT'S BEST!!!!!
This is such a beautiful piece, and a lovely tribute to a young girl that has gone to Heaven and is no longer in pain or suffering.....
I read your statement about how you cam abou the writing of this piece and my admiration and respect go out to you, for you cared enough to take the time to work precisely and consistantly with the true value of the person that passed on her parents, and our own, as you battled you very own demons from the past.....
You a remarkable young man and you write wonderfully, I am sure that her parent's are pleased with the outcome of this....
May God bless you and guide you always in love and light.....
As always,
AngelicMistress
PS
Please continue writing with such finesse I will continue to review and comment on your work..... -
this seems like a very hard form. I can see, just from reading this and your authors page, that you take your poetry very seriously and don't just through stuff together. This poem has a lot of value burried in it's words. It makes the poem so much more powerful when you can feel and relate to the writers emotions.
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shubs:
thank you.
well, the way the timelines are crossed in the poem, by the time the stanza in question is reached, the psyche has already left the body, so left is the word for there. but i did struggle with that line a bunch because of the the ambiguous time reference there. -
It makes me kind of sad to read it, yet happy... but in a sad way. That was very well crafted. Great job. I wish I had talent like yours.
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beautifully done and yet the despairing muse leaves a sigh from the reader in me after the reading of your eloquent thoughts on life's canvass and we shed a tear to mourn the dear departed but words create a cascade nay a waterfall for the sheer strength of these can move a mountain so they say..so many fav lines and then I cant copy the whole poem over here..
Shubs
Should this be-
A troubled psyche left our world to wander=A troubled psyche leaves our world to wander
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WOW im speechless its just that good
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your use of metaphores is prolific and help to express the thought you are conveying. the similes you used bring specific pictures to mind that get the emotions across. good write
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Very nice, great words, Rick
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WOW :-) cool background too!!!
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oh shit.. im so sorry i clicked... i have already commented.
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The vocabulary you employ betrays an awesome intellect behind this poem! You are so very talented, carefull weaving the vision of this poem in words for us!
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Awesome artwork! My favorite part follows:
"as fallen leaves are scattered by the wind;
bright eyes search the heavens for distant hints of hope;
bare feet wade through shallow waves in silence"
I can't figure better imagery. It touches us deep, deep inside.
Congratulations! -
This is an excellent poem. The emotions are so strong. You have produced a very good poem here, I like the repetition of certain lines and I like the style.
Well done
xXx -
So many good lines here, too many to comment on. You did a great job, and I see everyone seems to agree with me on that. Not easy to produce emotion so strong in a poem. well done.
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this is so beautiful.. amazing imagery... i loved the lines:
Whispered prayers rustle unseen boughs
like spirits moved to trembling in the darkness;
clear waters meditate on hidden sounds,
the rise and fall of cricket-song crescendos,
the muffled sobs of anguish, alone and undiscerned;
bare feet wade through shallow waves in silence.
they were so bewtiful <3 the whole piece is subtley beautiful and gorgeous writing
jess -
i read this and thought I had commented before..my bad..this was lovely..itruly enjoyed the write...keep penning...your ink is well worth it...peace..shzoosy
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"A troubled psyche left our world to wander
among those planes that phase amid the shade;
as fallen leaves are scattered by the wind,
gentle spirits join to keep a subtle wake—
the Chagrin River shares a song of mourning,
the rosy call of grosbeaks sifting through the woods."
this is my favourite verse of an amazing poem. the line "gentle spirits join to keep a subtle wake" is beautiful in its imagery!
the entire poem is well written and haunting.
~tryst
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moving...
this poem made me visualise a picturesque landscape, where a troubled soul wanders in silence...and this silence has many attributes to it...there are some which convey feelings of despair, anguish, loneliness, confusion and mourning; feelings so natural when a daughter commits suicide...yet, on the other hand, there are words which convey positive feelings; of hope, prayers and a quest, a struggle for understanding...
thus, to me, it seemed as if this person was battling some very hard and difficult circumstances (which she indeed was...). but this extraordinary person, with an amazing strength, was trying to question the past, instead of trying to run away from it. she mourned the present and yet hoped for a miracle to happen...what is this if not an essential faith in life...?
to say the least, it touched my heart deeply...you've handled such a sensitive topic with so much of care and understanding, i must say...
and yeah, i need to tell you that i hadn't read anything written in a similar style before...(shows how little-read i am?), it was this strangeness which attracted me at first.. amazing writing, zahhar...~siya. -
much easier said than done. lol too bad AP doesn't use Creative Commons licensing. this would be definitely be licensed under (pd) [public domain].
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Oh I would never take it....it is for you to get it out there and share it with the world.
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i consider this poem public domain. you're welcome to reproduce it so long as you credit it to Zahhar.
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I work with troubled youth and troubled communities. this is apoem that needs to be blown up and put on the wall of healing centers. I will nto say much since I read that commenting is not your favorite, but this sculpted poem speaks tot he millions who know grief.
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A very good one.
I liked how you handled this style. It is still one that I have yet to master but I sure liked how you handled it. -
Erin,I must thank you from the deepest of my heart for taking the time and love to pour so much of Nicole into this wonderful write. Suzanne is thrilled,as am I,that you penned this elegant write,in honor of her sweet daughter.
There are no words to say exactly what this means to Suzanne.
Such a tragic loss, is often too hard and cruel to write about with such grace...and yet you have it all right here,flowing freely as Nicole is today.
Beautiful Words from a Beautiful Heart.
Thank you,
Deena
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Clear waters meditate on hidden sounds; ("clear" and "hidden" are increasing the expectations, in a way, burdensome, on "waters" and "sounds". As an unbriefed reader I would see them as suggestive of something to happen...)
a silver sickle sinks into the twilight (like that alliteration...
as fallen leaves are scattered by the wind; (fallen leaves is a symbol of remorse, pain, loss)
bright eyes search the heavens for distant hints of hope; (
"bright" is little awkward for the context, I suppose!)
bare feet wade through shallow waves in silence (how about shallow silent waves?)
where oaks and tamaracks extend their fading hues. (Again an atmospheric thematic effect)
Whispered prayers rustle unseen boughs (do you need "whispered"?
I liked much of this...and could see how you allowed your readers to feel the pain, the loss. A very good job!
D
Edited on Apr 12, 1:18 because ''. -
decription is great. all the senses alive. although its quite long. maybe, its really quite an experience to write that long. though im used to the couplet or tercet...
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decription is great. all the senses alive. although its quite long. maybe, its really quite an experience to write that long. though im used to the couplet or tercet...
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I grew up in Lake County, so I know the places you names.. Walked along them myself. I hope Nicole has such beauties to walk along, where she is now. Athena
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Good Expression
This twists the mind in many different directions. One can tell that the piece is focused on death but there are so many different aspects to death that are covered in this and throws an entire different light on the situation.
I will applaud your write.
TE -
This poem is so beautiful, create such a peaceful picture but like poignant to, so good, love it
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This may be the first hybridanelle I have ever read, and I rather like the form. What I first noticed about this is the wonderful imagery and excellent use of word to portray not only deep emotion, but an almost etheral(?) feeling of being a 'fly on the wall' and watching something unsettling happening. For me, the last two stanzas hold the most impact. It was like I didn't want the hybridanelle to end, but I was glad when it did.(strange?)
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An excellent piece - I enjoyed reading this very much. May her memory stay fresh and dancing in the mind for a long time, and memories of smiles and laughing life.
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This piece really flowed beautifully. I am looking forward to reading more like this
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beautiful... evoco]ativ e... lovely piece
jess -
this is an awesome write... the styling was incredible..the words stick with you even after you finish reading... a lovely tribute..peace..shzoosy
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very nice, so glad i read this tonight, feel as if i have read actual poetry on good old AP. (not often a common thing)
your technique and skill as a writer is evident. bravo. -
I held my breath as I read this one. I loved the pace and rhythm. An excellent piece.
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That is beautiful
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bravo!!
wooow!!!this is really full of emotion!!!!i loved it!!!!great stuff!!!!i loved the line
clear waters medidate on hidden sounds
great job!!!!i really really loved this!!! -
when I looked at it to begin with I thought it was too long but when I finished it I wished it had ben longer. a beautiful poem, beautifully written
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This is a very beautiful and precious dedication!
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Very vivid and evocative write, I will have to learn more about this form, because I am not too familiar with it. I love the title also.
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this is a form i think i might like to try...thanks for the link.
your poem was full of liquid images, and mood invoking word play...very rich with ripe, delicious imagery. it was all there, the loneliness, the pathos, the melancholy, the pondering, the sense of quiet desperation....
well done.
~tryst
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i love your peom! its really good. its shows passion
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I love how you repeated the line; "as fallen leaves are scattered by the wind" it made the poem flow beautifully. Keep on writing
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Erin, you keep changing your name. It's hard to keep track of you. I was just looking for you and I couldn't find you! lol. I lost you! This was really metaphoric.
clear waters meditate on hidden sounds,
This line drew me in right away. It's strange how you worded this because when you think about it.. That's exactly what they do. Two things that are calm and peaceful.. combined together. Forgive me if you don't understand what i'm saying... blah. Also when I read this line I feel like i'm in a plane. You know when your flying really fast and it seems like your surfing?
Whispered prayers rustle unseen boughs
This, right here! THIS, reminds me of Tolkien's books. I imagine some elf with its ears poking out of its hood, hands folded, praying in the forest. I find it very interesting. You should write some fantasy Erin, You would do VERY well in my opinion!
Anyways, I'm doing fine. I haven't talked to you in a awhile, but that's ok. I have a new poem out called "Spanglish." Yes, i've found what every poet is looking for.. their muse. I have found the greatest inspiration! his name happens to be a mexican name Rafael! Read it PLEASe. Tear my poem up from the floor if you have too! Anyways, adios!
-Holly -
Beautiful an dmeaningful and was absolutly amazing all on its own!!!!It blew my mind away at the imagery and the true detail!!!!
~~Kyra~~ -
AMAZING! Very descriptive, and detailed!
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It's very uplifting to read something deep and meaningful
when one is suffering the loss of a loved one...it helps
to feel connected...and anything to do with the wonderment
of nature and the creative force will give that connection.
Your poem will do this! Well done! Cheers Kaz. -
This was an absolute delight to read even though the story is painful and sad. Your imagery is beautiful throughout this piece. There are so many lines that I marvelled at, however the following was my favorite.
"as fallen leaves are scattered by the wind
and falling stars leave traces of promise in the skies"
A very good read. Thanks for sharing it.
Rory -
wodnerful write.. at first i was unsure of how it would be.. but all i have to say is.. im glad i cliked it .. cause boy it was worth the read!cheers!keep them coming!
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This was incredible
an overwhelming piece of work here
there is so much passion within this
all the best of wishes
millie
xox -
Although I have only the slightest idea (that slight idea being "it's a poem") of what a hybridanelle is, this is still a great write. Your visions were seen clearly yet still remained abstract-to do such a thing takes great talent, which you seem to possess to the highest degree. I'm curious to know: Was this poem dedicated to a death by suicide? I find a subtle reference to such an act in the second and third lines, and also throughout other areas of the poem. Your rhythm was great, it seemed very songlike, although I can't say for certain the type of meter used. Regardless of my metrical ignorance, your poem has truly amazed me. Your progression of thoughts and allusions, etc, was quite nice. Very great poem.
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Awesome
Beautifully written. I was on the journey with you, that's an amazing task to acheive. Excellent job on this. I greatly enjoyed the words, deep meaningful and very well thought out. Keep up the awesome work. -
Amazing concept, what can I say, it absolutely blew me away! Excellent use of language, the form you chose impressed me too. I was touched by the whole poem, but the last 2 stanzas are definitely my favourites, I mean, when I read them, my mind starts to wonder. Beautiful imagery and great artistic view. Congrats, and thanks for sharing!
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Simply AMAZING
I've never heard of this form before, but you handled it perfectly. I swear, I write in the same ways as you do! This is a wonderful poem, beautiful and meaninful, which I love. I'm quite speechless. -
WOW, nothing but wow!
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For an Angel.
The imagery is sad and tragic but amazingly beautiful as you walk through heavenly beauty searching for an answer but there is none that will satisfy your soul.Time is supposed to be a healer but some times are worse than others and the loss of a precious child can never be understood except by those who have had this tragedy.Now this beautiful girl is in Heaven smiling down on you and wanting you to carry on and remember all the good times.God Bless,sweet friend.Elizabeth. -
it is very sad to lose a child to illness or murder but just knowing that God has called them back for a greater mission should make the spirit rest even though this is quite hard to do some on loseing a child abandon their God above. we at my church continue to pray hard for all children and know that when they pass over the indeed pray for us. the Christ was always around his children for they make Him smile. keep the ink flowing
love the papa -
"Dawn breaks pale on Erie’s inland sea;" - I love that line.
I live near Lake Erie as well, and I can picture the sunrise on the beach.
The rhythm of this poem is excellent.
Awesome write! -
Whoa! Thats really good! I like how even though it doesnt rhyme, it still sounds good.
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Canovash: the lack of luster is, in part, intended to mirror the apathy and aspects of the state of mind of the deceased just before her voluntary passing.
the predictability of the ending is largely to do with the form, but also intended to reflect the predictability of the conclusion of what a friend of mine refers to as "the death trance".
personal attatchment and perspective was sacrificed in favor of trying to depict as strongly as i could the sublte blindsight relationship between the deceased and her natural environment.
the "existential" appearance, for you, i believe is part of your personal interpretive experience. i found this aspect of your experience intriguing and i appreciate your sharing it. existentialism was't consciously explored or asserted in this piece.
enjoyed your thoughts.
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A Very Special Write
This has to be the work of a mature poet. There is such an aire of sensitivity, with a masterful use of the language, that I felt I was walking into something very special, like walking into a cathedral with hushed tones around me; or into a special conversation between two close friends.
This was that impressive to me. A grand work! -
what an amazingly pretty write with fantastic imagery
i loved it. -
GS: give me an idea what you mean?
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An interesting form, well handled. Interesting imagery, but I felt that an occasional contrasting moment might have improved it for me.
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.............
This was very pensive in it's ambition but was addled with a certain lacking of luster and it's ending was a bit of a disappointing sequitur i thought. Could've had a little more attachment then the existential nature stuff. I felt disappointed by it. -
I love the way you write, it's so lovely. I like your word usage (I say that alot to people when I am really happy with the poem) and they evoke the right mindset for this.
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I thought it was very nice. I really got the feeling of those days of youth when you would just walk along a stream or lake shore wondering what the heck life is about and if it's worth living. I think the subtle mood of it added to the sense of confusion and longing for a better life. Sincerely, mary
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wow hey that was constructive. strange that this dull cotton-ball poem would elicite such ascerbity of thought.
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this was dull in the estreme.The average 16 year old would have died of boredom having to read that. I am sure those who care aoppreciate it but really, this style of writing is dire to say the least. This poem actually has a heart in it like cotton balls and as prettgy as some lines are, the overall effect is really tedious.
David -
Enjoyed the flow and images of these lines - like the form used here - see leaves blwoing in the wind, and hear the noise of many birds, very sense orientated, allows the reader to be part of the scene. Well written.
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woke me up.thank you.xxxx
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oops I didnt think my last comment came through so I left another one...sorry bout that..lol
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Great
Beautiful! I loved it! Keep it up please! This was such an awesome poem! -
Beautiful
This is so beautiful! Thank you! I loved reading this! Keep it up! -
This is a beautiful epitath,with a touch of heaven in every word. Well done, I'm sure the recipient is very honoured for this tribute to her daughter. Val
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Sad and powerful. Hauntingly beautiful imagery.
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wow.. thats all I can say.. what great write.. soo impressed.. keep it up..
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Great!
Okay...i didn't get that much of a depressed feeling from this but It did have a sad feeling to it. The description was great as usual and it made me think of some personal experiences dealing with death of that sort......I found this one as indepth as possible...great write!
spaz -
intelligent write
"a silver sickle"-- i like that. i really like the way you repeat selected lines in each stanza. that brings focus to those specific lines. -
Cherishing.
Colorful. Words painted pictures. And we could see and feel and touch the places. The moods and feelings very alive. We all will live as long as someone remembers us. -
What can I say that hasn't been said..this touched me deeply. The form that you've used here is perfect, I've yet to try a hybridanelle, but you've set such a high bar my friend.
This is simply beautiful.
Thank you for sharing this personal journey.
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Good Write
I'm amazed at how deep you can go. Your pierce the surface of the theme so easily. The reader can truly engage with what your saying, hence the reason so many like your poetry. This poem brings you to place where Nicole once lived. As the fallen leaves turn in the wind, your there watching them. Mentally. -
You have allowed us to step into the world of emotion with visual artistry that deserves a canvas. I am sure the tribute will become a lasting family tribute.
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:'( this is so sad yet so powerful! i can totally relate to this poem. and i can feel all of the sympathy that u have put in here! well done
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This is a truly touching poem. It moved me to visit the memorial page that is set up for Nicole. I am a Vance myself so I feel like I was drawn to this poem and it touched me like I had lost a family member myself. This poem and the memorial page is both beautiful expressions of love for her. I can't imagine the pain that you and your family are going through but you are in my prayers and my best wishes go out to you all.
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This was just beautiful, and brilliant. A wonderful read; a wonderful write. I enjoyed your imagery, and the overall creativity of this piece. It was delicate, and beautiful!!! Keep up the good work!!!
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kirby: thank you. this was the single-most challenging thing i've ever written in the realm of poetry. it required that i profile nikki psychologically and spiritually as best i could, as well as opening an old creaky closet and facing some personal skeletons. i've learned much through the investigative and creative processes of writing this poem, and i'm glad i can share the outcome with you, suzanne, her family and friends, and above all nikki.
Edited on Apr 03, 10:06 p.m. because ''.
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