Sailing,
Not every ocean is quiet,
Not every current is safe.
Sailing,
In my ship, over the water,
I respite content.
In the Waters within
can live the Leviathan,
sing the sirens and change Proteus.
In the Waters within
do not be embarrassed,
the surface only reflects an Ocean’s bit.
The wind whistles,
fly the albatross,
a shadow of the swimming bird bellow.
The wind whistles
The scent of the distant island,
is real or a memory, fluid like the sea ?
Author notes
Written April 2nd, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Sailing by KevinDunn.
300 points, ended April 7, 2006, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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Very interesting and an accomplished technique!
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Uh..
I didn't get it, but it was good..
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Indeed, the ocean here is just a mirror for the sky (In many ways it is a person stopping before a mirror and taking of her hat).
I am not very good with metric, I feel much more confortable with word picking to give the poem the flow; altought in this case, my personal experience always bring the sea with the smell and sound.
Thank you and See you around
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Hi Joao Camilo, I liked the tercets arrangement, the theme, the development and the end. In terms of theme treatment, your poem is very similar to a sonnet. But your form, six tercets is more gracious than a sonnet for this theme (I think….). Because your poem is airy. Although the theme is sea, water, you have more air than water here: sailing, sing, albatross, fly, wind, scent, memory, shadow. All related to air.
In terms of form, I would be tempted to write 2 syllables every first verse, as “Sailing”. But this is an excess of formalism. A nice poem. Sounds as a song.
Thanks for applause and comment (Meu Rato) .
Have a nice Sunday.
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