All I ever wanted was for him to love me
For it was my true calling in life
To be united with him as one forevermore
As the golden cascades of day give way to the ominous bleak of night
And as the bliss of spring bows to winter's might
I was to drown into the abyss that was my love
Yet look how it has rendered me
Alone and frail, body and spirit
Left to be degenerated and whithered
Paying a price much too hefty for my sins
Anxiously awaiting my fate
Will I ever sail River Stix to the glorious Fields
Or shall Hades claim my mortal soul?
Are my eyes ever to be blissed with the sight of my child
Is my baby's smile to be no more
Or will my weeping willows carry out his memory?
Our memory
The innocent victim of my consuming passion
Oh kind willow, I have no one else to turn to
You have witnessed the chapters of my tragedy
Your trunk holds my imprints as I explored ecstasy
Your leaves resonate my cries of abandonment
Your roots are sheltering a part of my soul
Let not his memory fade into oblivion
May he live on through you
Whisper his name with the soft breeze of spring
Cry out his pain with the angry sequels of winter
Consume his soul as his blood passes through your veins
Kind willows, come to my aid one final time
Love him as I've failed to spare any
Nurture him as I've denied him tenderness
Too blinded and crippled by self-pity
But as my crimson is further drained
I bid farewell knowing I'm for once right
My baby is safe
All nestled and cosy in the boson of Earth
Under the gentle shades of the weeping willows
Author notes
Written March 31st, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Thank you so so much for your comment. I really love this poem, and your comment warmed my heart. I wish more people will read it, because I think it's worth it. And thank your for entering my contest, and good luck!
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"Will I ever sail River Stix to the glorious Fields
Or shall Hades claim my mortal soul?"
This is definitely the best line in the poem. Well, to me at least. I love the reference to mythology, I'm currently taking that class and I love it, actually a couple of my recent poems were dedicated and inspired by mythology. It's amazing because the myths have so much hiding underneath them that there is so much to say, and well so much inspiration for poems.
So, back to your poem, I think it was wonderful.
"Oh kind willow, I have no one else to turn to
You have witnessed the chapters of my tragedy
Your trunk holds my imprints as I explored ecstasy
Your leaves resonate my cries of abandonment
Your roots are sheltering a part of my soul"
and this part. I love how it personifies the tree, like you can confide in it with anything, and it will never tell your secrets, it will share your pain and it will help you cope. Nice choice of a tree too because of it's appearance, it just sort of gives off a comforting aura. -
I got mixed messages in this fantastic piece of writing by you Zeltria, you have such talent, I got the impression you were saying you were a failed mother but now you had done something right for awakening in yourself and you were also saying a farewell to a child, great poem
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Thank you so much for your comment. I enetered your contest because I knew you would give me an honest critique.
You are right in assuming that English is not my first language.I'm
Lebanese which means that my first language is Arabic.
I must say that I didn't expect such a generous comment. From what I've read, you really spare nobody, so it means a lot.
Thank you again for your comment. -
I am not sure if English is your first language but its River Stix – the other one is a dog fetching paradise and “whithered” is spelt with one “h”. And is this “Haidas” actually meant to be “Hades”? Because otherwise I can’t understand why a tribe of North American Indians will claim your mortal soul. Just a thought.
What I will say is that I loved this line,
As the golden cascades of day give way to the ominous bleak of night
That is lovely writing littered with some fabulous phrases but the rest of the poem, really does very little for me. It is okay writing without being brilliant and emotional without fully engaging the reader in that emotion. Thank you for entering
David
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This was incredible and detailed, and it aroused so many emotions, desire to know more, sadness, empathy for the pain and yearining, really great
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This was really different and expressive by you, as kinda like letting someone go for their own good, I dont know the full details of the meaining behind this but it was an awesome write and well worth the wait as you havnt written for so long, please dont leave it so long next time hun, you are so talented
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Thank you so much for your comment. I'm glad you like it. I inspired the whole poem from the name of a local Death Metal band in Lebanon.
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As the golden cascades of day give way to the ominous bleak of night
And as the bliss of spring bows to winter's might
I was to drown into the abyss that was my love
I love the descriptive imagery, esp. golden cascades bit. Once again, another deep and melacholy poem that is so emotional. I think you have covered all aspects of love, even the hidden love after separation/remorse. This is excellent, good luck in the contest. -
this was a great piece of poetry i really enjoyed it thanks 4 entering
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"But as my crimson is further drained
I bid farewell knowing I'm for once right
My baby is safe
All nestled and cosy in the boson of Earth
Under the gentle shades of the weeping willows"
loved that part where all the resignation shows...very sad but very deep and you can really feel all the love that was hidden appear somehow
great job wish you luck for the contest
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