I look into the mirror and my reflection stares back at me,
and I wonder, what has more substance, myself or what I see?
I have become a shell, no longer am I flesh and bone -
a hollow man, a desperate man, afraid and all alone.
There was a time when I had the world in the palm of my hand,
a loving wife and beautiful children was just the life I had planned.
But I lost it all, then I lost myself and now here I stand -
a hollow man, an angry man, living the life of the damned.
The man I was, a tower of strength, has fallen by the side;
cut down by fear and circumstance, that man I was has died.
Left standing is but a shadow, just waiting for the sun to fade -
a hollow man, a foolish man, regretting the choices I’ve made.
Author notes
I'm a big boy, give me a critique, good or bad, I can take it. Thanks, Rory.
prompt: hollow
A contest entry
- Cold Regret by DesolatELifE.
689 points, ended December 15, 2007, 29 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Its a very good, emotional poem. My issue is with these lines:
There was a time when I had the world in the palm of my hand,
a loving wife and beautiful children was just the life I had planned.
I know you're trying to get the story out, but they aren't very poetic, and they seem out of place with the rest of the poem, which is wistful and regretful. I've been guilty of the same mistake myself, and it really does halt the flow of the piece. -
Very Heartfelt
You have penned a very heartfelt poem that many readers will relate to. Very strong imagery to bring out the reader's emotions. A wonderful poem and a pleasure to read. Best of luck. Take care, Sandy
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Good Ore!
You've got some powerful emotions rolling here. I enjoy your wording choices, especially your second to last line. I'd like to see a little more story building with this write, what bad choices were regretted? How did his family complete him, make him happy? Wonderful start, I would like to see a final copy. thanks for entering! -
I love the first stanza.
I don't like the second as much, but still like it.
I love the third.
I love the rhyme.
I love the repetition of 'a hollow man'.
That's a list.. clearly. I'm rubbish at commenting, so be glad you I got this far
thanks for entering.
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So glad to have dipped into the past! This was deeply imbedded with emotion and really just grabs hold of the reader! The showed sadness, but so much resilience and hope that the sadness is overshadowed. I loved this piece, one of my favorites you have written ~Tia
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coming from you...wow...it's tragic...well things happen for a reason. stop regretting and learn to slowly pick up the pieces of yourself...good luck in the contest
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This is a very emotional write coming from the man's point of view. I hope truly you will no longer be angry, and stop regretting such things for regrets are a waste of time and bitterness is a childish thing to feel. I am glad you wrote this.
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I wrote this several years ago, after a very messy divorce. The good news is, life does go on, and I'm back to my old self once again!! Thanks for reading and commenting.
Rory -
well--i think this is brutally honest about the writer--unless you are merely the narrator. either way it is a good write. nothing i would change except to not regret your life only to change it for the better. thank you for allowing me to read this. hope2makeit
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good f*ckin poem!
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Thanks for writing it. I liked the feeling of the last paragraph. The over feel is awsome, the hollow feeling I have felt the emotion though the words. It reaches out and touches the heart. It normal to express feelings yet some of us men or women have a tough time. Awesome, great, wonderful write with hard emotios to say.
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WOW great job you di awsome
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Awesome!
Wow, I love this piece! What great insight, filled with a lot of emotions and creativity. I can kind of relate to this being lost in the world. I love your descriptions and the imagery you used here. Wonderfully done! Great job! -
awesome
This is a great piece of writing....I am super impressed with the topic and delivery....Man....you need some healing...go read some of my poetry...I am all about some healing...cycadas leave a shell of themselves behind when they emerge from the tree...maybe you are just focused on the shell and not what you have left...I am sure there is more to you than even you know...Once again...I love this piece of writing. -
A hollow man, a foolish man, regretting the choices I’ve made
Maybe not so holoow after this poem, methinks. Seriously, bit of an oxymoron, yet also a metaphor on how he believes he wasted his life. Intriuging. (Hope I spelled that right) -
STUNNING!!I'm a sucker for poetry that manages to rhyme without having to deviate from intent. without forcing words to fit. Which you did perfectly. And the emotion is raw as a fresh wound. Thanks for sharing this gorgeous piece. love it!
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awesome
This was a very creative piece of writing,, the first couple of lines kept my attention.. Very good, This whole poem is great.. good job and keep writing with the nice flow you seem to have...
ChaingangAngel -
brilliant write... very reflective and intelligent..
i love the lines about what has more substance as well... brilliant..
great write
keep writing
jess -
really good job. to be completely honest, when i first read the very very beginning I was expecting something cliche and heard many times before. though, i am happy to say that i was COMPLETELY wrong! this poem is really nice! you depict this story simply and in such a kewl way. i thought that your rhyme was very nice...not forced at all which is quite rare to find. one of my favorite lines would have to be when you wrote " look into the mirror and my reflection looks back at me
And I wonder, what has more substance, myself or what I see"...very nice lines there. rock on.
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very sad and lonley is what i feel when i read this, if that was your intent then i am lost to the memory of what a great man, fallen looked like. Truly sad, sophia xxx
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I really like this. It really pulls you into the regret this man feels. It really makes you think about what is important in life and to appreciate what you have now, because you may not always have it. Thank you for the pleasant read. ^_^
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Wow. I'm speechless. I'm so glad I clicked on this and got the chance to read it. Sorry for the comment, but it's hard to give a real critique when you have nothing bad to say, and the good things could go on for days. GREAT JOB!
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I thought that this was amazing.. I loved the flow and your choice of words, it fitted together so perfectly.. I'm sure that people can relate to this.. Great job amd I hope to read more soon!
♥
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The title a bestselling movie if given a chance and then your thoughts make me ponder if your words create that intent in me to ask what I want out of life.
We make horrendous choices in life and end up on the wrong side yet we need to create the second chance and hope is just a minute away...
Bone alone stanza was awesome...I felt it down my marrow..Peace be with you Shubs
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I have to agree with SugarLips, she said exactly what I was thinkin, you are very talented. I like this poem a lot, I think I will add this to my favs. If this is how you feel right now, I hope you get better.
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the first lines hook the reader into reading the whole thing, probably because alot of us look into the mirror and think the same thing. The ryhming and rythm is very well put together and does not sound forced. this poem tells the story of a man who has lost and is now dwelling on how he is left. A hollow man, very powerful comparison there. I love the last line of each stanza, how you start with hollow man and end with all different words. this is a very well put together peice not to mention the fact that it is full of emotion and truth.
-kathy-
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