On the eastern slopes of the Rockies,
a bit north of the Medicine Line,
a Stoney brave slid off his pony
to better read the disturbing sign.
A dozen or more had been there before
and left their ghastly story told.
In the dust and dirt and the bloodied shirt
that covered both young and old.
Not one life was left, his village wreaked death,
the warrior made it home too late.
His camp was betrayed by a Blackfoot raid
and his heart soon darkened by hate.
Closest to the woods, his own teepee stood
and he sprinted towards its door.
Sensing the grim truth as he reached the youth
that lay sprawled there upon the floor.
The hands of his son held his father's gun,
while his wife lay dead there inside.
Their boy of just ten had fought with the men
and counted coup before he died.
For the warrior found outside on the ground
a Blackfoot spread eagled and dead.
His lifeless face glazed while his hands were raised
towards the bullet in his head.
And the Stoney knew his boy had shot true
for he owned the camp’s only gun.
Then the Blackfoot fled once the boy was dead;
their man left lying in the sun.
Though wasn't their way, they dared not delay
so they left a body behind.
The brave Blackfoot ran without their dead man
leaving a trail not hard to find.
Overcome by their fear, they ran like scared deer
from this camp they came to destroy.
For each of them saw the painted bear claw
on the teepee above the boy.
His legend was known clear to Yellowstone;
Charging Bear was a man to reckon.
The Blackfoot did right to take to their flight
for in war he never placed second.
Charging Bear then glanced his sacred war lance
that lay ‘neath his wife on the fur.
He held it up high towards a red sky
and uttered his revenge for her.
He searched, then found, lying on the ground
a necklace adorned by ten claws.
Then he put it on and soon he was gone
to execute some Stoney laws.
Incensed, this Stoney mounted his pony
and turned his head towards the south.
Riding hard and fast, the miles quickly passed
foam streaming from his horse's mouth.
He slowed down his pace as he neared a place
just east of the Highwood River;
until he could see the Medicine Tree
where he prayed to Life's Great Giver.
This old tree stood tall as testament to all
of Great Spirit's awesome power.
Its twin trunks were joined as if by the loins
and from it did all life flower.
He knelt in prayer for the spirit bear
to give him strength to win this fight.
For certain he knew before it was through
Blackfoot blood would stain red the night.
He rode hard once more to even the score
of this game that’s as old as time.
For all tribes of man since life first began
had committed this heinous crime.
The wind stung his cheek near Mosquito Creek
but the trail led ‘cross the water.
He smelled the wood smoke from a camp just broke
and his heart thirsted for slaughter.
The coals were still hot, the meat in a pot,
when he came to their resting place.
The dozen or more who were brave before
had ran off at a frantic pace.
Knowing he was near these weak fleeing deer
he rode, bow and arrow in hand.
His heart very strong, he didn't wait long
before spotting the troubled band.
They came into sight just an arrow's flight
down a coulee off to the east.
As one they all turned and suddenly learned
of the presence of this man-beast.
A warrior's dark pride stokes fires inside
foretelling his ultimate death.
For many a brave would need a grave
once honor snuffed out his last breath.
And so it was then, that the pursued men
lifted up their bows to aim;
at the charging bear, with his long black hair
whose scalp would surely bring fame.
Blackfoot arrows flew, though none pointed true
and the Stoney pressed the attack.
He whooped a blood cry with his lance held high
then drove it into a man’s back.
He slashed with his knife and so stole the life
of three more of the Blackfoot men.
Then steadied his bow on the nearest foe
and ended a life once again.
They all would die there at the hands of the Bear,
nary a one would get away.
Around Stoney fires the Bear still inspires
the old ones to speak of that day.
Twelve to one were the odds but by lance, bow or Gods
the Blackfoot would repay their debt.
Their lifeblood wet the land as they died at the hand
of a bear their tribe won’t forget.
Author notes
I'm a big boy, give me a critique, good or bad, I can take it. Thanks, Rory.
Written March 31st, 2006
In a list
- Native American • next in list
- My Favorites--These are poem from some poets here at AllPoetry that I really liked. All poems are listed with author's permisssion • next in list
A contest entry
- Calling All Rhyming Story Tellers! by Sgt B.
525 points, ended May 28, 2007, 29 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Native American Prewrites - To Celebrate Native Heritage Month by CarolDesjarlais.
525 points, ended December 1, 2007, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BIG POINTS (pay forward a portion) ENTER my first contest PLEASE! by jamiedoring.
4100 points, ended April 1, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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WOW.wow,wow!
I would gladly bet there are even yet many more golden trophies in this poems future. WOW!!!!!!
Congratulations on a poem extreme!
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Now THAT is one hell of a poem. Unbeleivable consistancey in the quality of every line in that long piece. Long....but worth the read...more than once. Absolutly FANTASTIC and exactly my idea of a story poem. I was pulled in and hooked and had to know how it ended.
My favorite part is:
He rode hard once more to even the score
of this game that’s as old as time.
For all tribes of man since life first began
had committed this heinous crime.
Also...the ending was perfect.
Thank you for entering this into the contest.
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Very well-told story! I thoroughly enjoyed it. Rhyme well done, meter generally good, and kept moving with the story. Congratulations on the trophies.
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My Muse is rhymeless, but not yours. I was so taken by the story , that I coudl not notice anythign else as I was drawn into a story of a man whose relatives I know well. This story comes from ancient tongues, to be sure, and you ahve tapped into that, beautifully to tell this tale that is often sung by the drum.
O can read and it does carry that heartbeat.
Whiel there are a few liens that change the rhythm a little, one cannot mind, for the story is one that speaks to history, speaks to the ways jsutice was meted out, and how that jsutice was protected so he could, when doen properly for those times.
Rory, this is simply stunnign writing. Thank you for sharing it with us. I can think of no better palce for it than in a place that is honoring Native Americans, those friends and family we know and care about. -
This is one of the best poems i have ever read for sure.
Good luck in the contest Brought tears to my eyes
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Smoothlt written
Excellent story which flowed smoothly and even hid the rhyme at times making it so easy to read and progress to the climax. Congratulations on the bronze for it was worthy of such.
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I enjoyed this story!
The story was well told my friend.
I liked the limerick type rythem used here it took me a min to get it. But then it just flew. The images you gave me were very raw indeed. The flow was very good. Thank you for entering and Good luck. -
A great story and certainly an interesting, refreshing deviation from the standard Beowulf or Sigurd style epic. You write action well and weave it a vibrant, catching story. There a few areas in the poem where flow could be improved, but overall you are to be congratulated on an excellent piece. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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WOW! What a story indeed. It was a true pleasure to read this! Awesome job. You have a talent to writing Native American lore. This one will bo told by may elders around the campfires!
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Nice One... Long one
Well I did ask for it didn't I? Length! *laughing*
Overall it was a good poem, anyways, the Rhythm and Rhyme were both fairly well done. I must say that being a big fan of swords and lances and brilliant white chargers, this ballad was rather far off from the ones I normally favor. Still a very nice write however, and the subject matter was still interesting.
I guess my only nitpick is that for the sake of the rhyme the story did seem simplified in some places... but then i did ask for Rhyme, and Balance between these things is at best, IMPOSSIBLE to attain. Good work anyways.... in concerns to your contest, i've already submitted my poem... finished it a little fast, didn't I? My style I suppose, killing myself for the sake of efficiency... I hope you like it as much as I like yours! Good luck in the contest!
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You are so good at introducing and executing your ballads! Every stanza in between is just as amazing!
A wonderful ballad; very enjoyable and thrilling to read!
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Wow, that was intense. Sorry I can't write more- didn't realize I had so many enties!
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Wonderful
You certainly know how to enter a room and say hello don't you! Well I think this was incredible work, you are quite a story teller and certainly captured my attention. The read was effortless throughout, I lost my rythm a couple of times usually in the last line of a stanza, but your story kept me captivated and on I read! Some powerful stanza's in here that pull together quite a story! Impressive work Rory! You are certainly a pleasure to read, my pleasure.
~Tia
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Breath taking
I am speachless, this is perfect. I respect your writes. I think you are an excellent poet of heart and soul, you defiently paint in many wonderful colors. Keep writing.
Tabitha
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great!
Wow! What a powerful poem! I especially liked the ending:
Twelve to one were the odds but by lance, bow or Gods
The Blackfoot would repay their debt
Their lifeblood wet the land as they died at the hand
Of a man bear they can’t forget
You tell one great story. I am always inspired by Native American culture. -
Takes endurance to go on rhyming so long, and a pretty good ending as well.
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excellent
excellent saga, story well told. imagery impeccable. serious story of an eye for an eye -
excellent
This was an enjoyable read to say the least.... a nice read. I agree with one above who says you might be able to get this published.... Thanks -
I really liked this. I book marked it ages ago and today I finally read it lol. I'm not a fan of long poems, although I sometimes write some myself and i have to say i adore Ballads (even though they are usually long poems).
The rhyme and the meter are excellent. I loved the inner rhyme you made, that was superb. The story told too is very nice and your descriptions were very good.
I do have one comment regarding this line:
"The brave Blackfoot ran without their dead man"
you're being sarcastic here right? Because otherwise, you would not be able to use the word "brave"
This is a wonderful poem. Keep on writing and keep up the good work.
Nooni
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I really enjoyed this poem. I confused at the beginning, but soon realized what was going on. I thought it was well written and I did like the flow of the lines. Great job!
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nutfactor9
it was ok... well long... and the best part i felt was....
His legend was known clear to Yellowstone
Charging Bear was a man to reckon
The Blackfoot did right to take to their flight
For in war he never came second
Charging Bear then glanced his sacred war lance
That lay ‘neath his wife on the fur
He held it up high towards a red sky
And uttered his revenge for her
He searched, then found, lying on the ground
A necklace adorned by ten claws
Then he put it on and soon he was gone
To execute some Stoney laws
Incensed, this Stoney mounted his pony
And turned his head towards the south
Riding hard and fast, the miles quickly passed
Foam streaming from his horse's mouth
He slowed down his pace as he neared a place
Just east of the Highwood River
Until he could see the Medicine Tree
Where he prayed to Life's Great Giver
mmm...
better -
Interesting read written in good style!
Fantastic tale, and again Robert Service style! The choppyness was noted but again all of us, as poets, could stand to edit and reedit as we begin to write more and more poems. I've found that when I have someone else read my poem out loud that I can instantly hear where they fumble because of the unbalance with words. When we read our own poems we are able to compensate for the rhythm and yet for a "new reader" it's so important that it flows along! Try it and see what you hear! Otherwise, I loved what you shared in this one! joy
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this would be published if you submitted it to a few magazines out west, it is so well crafted, are you an english lit prof? i have read much poetry in my time (i am old and feeble
) this ranks high my friend.
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Your poem, its flow, rhyme and rhythm were extemely well done! To be able to account historical events in so many stanzas and have continuous flow and rhythm is amazing! Your poem is very informative, captivating and interesting. I am truly in awe! With my applause you get my standing ovation!!
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Thanks Amethest, your encouragement is very much appreciated. I do read them aloud, I just need to keep working at it, the meter will come. I haven't tried to edit this one since I wrote it three years ago. I just found it on my computer and thought I would post it here to see what others thought. It's nice getting such positive and constructive feedback.
Rory -
THanks FallenAngel, I have read and researched a lot of Native history and culture. Stories such as this (although this is total fiction) were told and retold amongst their people for generations. The exploits of their warriors were honored and recalled (and likely embellished with each retelling). These stories have always intrigued me and I tried to recreate one here.
Thanks for your kind words.
Rory -
Wow! I really like this poem with a story like this interwoven in it, very inspiring. I have never really heard an indian poem based before the terrible fall of a once great nation. Poems written now are all about the sorrow of what happened to the indians after everybody came and ruined their homes, but this was based before that time,when the indians were still a great nation and very great warriors, which they still are. I loved this poem, its rhymning scheme is the best i've seen in a while, and i hope tor ead more like this in the future. Good job and keep up the wonderful work. Blessed be.
Hugs and Kisses,
Tiphanie -
awesome
Merry meet,
first off. OH MY GOD AND GODDESS this is an awesome story. I was enthralled from begining to end. That said the meter was a bit choppy...do you read your work outloud as you do it or type it? That is where a lot of times you can find the rough spots.
On a personal note: I know where Mosquito Creek is. When I was a kind and we lived in Washington state, we went up British Columbia to the Columbian Ice fields up there near Lake Louise and we stop over to camp a Mosquito Creek. I had never (and haven't ) seen so many mosquitos and they were big enough to carry off a bison. Seems the more people you meet, the smaller the world becomes.
I'm going to put this on my Author's page, I am so impressed with what you have now, that when the rough spots are smoothed, there will be no stopping you.
Amythest -
Very good
nice! I really like the indian theme... I'm part O'sage... yeah, well, good poem. keep up the good work. -
i have a story of a flower and a tree that a friend wrote. it is awesome. i write of trees in metaphor form a lot as that is where my life was at. without a particular one, i am lost. i know, i make no sense but it is hard to explain. sorry and i won't keep bugging you. a rough night i suppose. viyanna
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Thanks Melodies, I'm glad that you enjoyed it. I love history in general, but particularly Native American history and culture. I have been interested in it for as long as I can remember. I grew up on a ranch next to the largest reserve in Canada, and spent a lot of time there. As for the poetry, I began writing in 2000. I haven't written much new lately, I've just began to revisit some of my older stuff with hopes of improving them.
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Thanks Viyanna. That stanza has special meaning to me as well, as there was such a tree where I grew up, and the local Native Americans (the Stoney's) believe it to be just as I described it. They refer to it as The Medicine Tree.
Thanks again for taking the time to read and respond.
Rory -
a magnificent poem
I read every word and savored it all. You are a gifted poet combined with historian and I admire what you do SO MUCH! I especially found this poem enthralling because here we find warriors from different tribes at odds with each other. Have you always loved learning about history? Did you enjoy it in high school, for instance? And when did you begin writing poetry? Hope you don't mind me asking.
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Thanks for your response EarthToJim. I am a huge Service fan and I endeavor to continue honing my craft. I agree, this piece needs some fine tuning in the workshop as you say. Meter is always something I struggle with. I really appreciate your comments and I thank you for the encouragement to keep working at this piece.
Rory -
I LOVE THIS ENTIRE WRITE!!!!
but especially this stanza as it has a meaning to me that no one can imagine but me.
This tree stood tall as a testimony to all
Of the Great Spirit's awesome power
Twin trunks were joined as if by the loins
And from this place did all life flower
the rhyme is amazing throughout the whole thing. congratulations for pulling this off so very well. viyanna r langager
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As a fellow practitioner of meter and rhyme I applaud your effort at creating a first rate ballad. Unfortunately, the rhyme simply can't carry the piece without some sense of meter. Robert Service, the most beloved American poet, wrote poetry very similar to this, but he labored over the word choices to give his ballads a lilting rythym as well as first-rate rhyme. I would hope that you would workshop this and struggle with it for a month or two and really bang out the meter... you will have a first rate piece, indeed, if you can... but at this juncture it's just to lumpy and bumpy to make an enjoyable ride.
I send along an applause for a great effort. -
Amazing !!!!!
wow, I don't know what else to say but wow.
This is a really great piece.
I have so much respect for anyone who can put so much into a piece. This is amazing!
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