Where was I, in days gone by,
when history was being made?
In days of yore, and long before
I embarked on this current charade.
Back in time, back through my mind,
to other lives and other worlds.
Are they real, these things I feel,
as my life begins to unfurl?
I was there, by God I swear,
when Caesar himself was slain.
I watched the knife, as it took his life
and ended his devilish reign.
I heard his last breath, as it ended in death
and he fell to his knee.
But unsatisfied, by just one who died,
Brutus turned his blade upon me.
I fought to kill, on Hastings Hill
in the year 1066.
The Saxons fell, to the awful hell
of the Norman’s deadly tricks.
As the arrows flew, I did too,
for my soul drifted on death’s wing.
But I was there, the glory I shared,
as William was crowned King.
Again my soul rose, to fight and battle those
who dare stand in my path.
To test my mettle, to feel the nettle
and the horrific fury of my wrath.
And leading us men, into the Bear’s den,
was Napoleon Bonaparte.
And though we froze, the Russians know,
we died with a brave heart.
And later on, in the cold early dawn
of another deadly raid,
I watched in awe, the fearsome sights I saw,
but I was unafraid.
I took the lead, on my trusted steed
as the cavalry slashed on through
and though I died, by that fool Custer’s side,
my legacy only grew.
So now here I sit, as I ponder over it,
this story that I’ve sewn.
A tale of dreams, of frightful scenes
that I’ve witnessed and known.
Beware!! Behold!! As history is retold,
the circle completes again.
My greatest fight returns each night.
Oh God! When will it ever end?
I take each chance, but fail to dance
when fate strikes up the band.
I am reborn, but I feel the thorn
as the rose slips from my hand.
A warrior’s soul, is black as coal,
charred by the horrors of his past.
Yet I struggle on, until this life is done
searching for peace at last.
Author notes
I'm a big boy, give me a critique, good or bad, I can take it.
Mar 31, 2006
A contest entry
- Make a Poem that Rhymes by Diggs McGee.
460 points, ended March 19, 2007, 28 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhymes alone are only bones by JM Kenyon.
900 points, ended May 12, 2007, 44 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Can You Write like Service, Kipling or Noyes by ecrivain01.
1900 points, ended December 22, 2007, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Personal Best #8 (Prewrites Allowed) by aGent Lemon.
360 points, ended February 6, 2008, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - There's a First for Everything... by Lamia.
800 points, ended April 13, 36 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 48 of 48
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Nice.
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this is great, i wonder if i is you reading these things over or is i something else? either way this great, this is the second poem of yours i have read and im a fan, i'll need to add you as a fav now
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First of all, you've entered the right contest because I love history...I'm a history nerd haha. Also I'm terribly impressed by the rhyming. It was very very well done and awfully clever. Overall I just enjoyed reading this poem and I think that's an important skill that's been lost on many...make the poem enjoyable to read. So on that level well done...well great job on all levels, but especially that one. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck
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good work. i like it. sometimes the rhyme was off... but i like it.
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Absolutely brilliant. The way you set this up reminded me of the poem "Annabelle Lee." I love me some Edgar Allan Poe ;D. The flow was wonderful, and I really enjoyed the journey. Thank you for entering.
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I read this poem three times and i must say i have to disagree with some comments made before me. I thought this piece had excellent flow, and i was able to pace myself with your words to the end. I found no fault in the meter, nor in any other part of it. Perhaps another read will do it, but i seriously doubt it. I loved the way you told the tale from the point of being reincarnated so many times and how you died with each of these past fighters/warriors, whatever one may wish to call them. That was just brilliant on your part and it intrigued me, because that is a subject i am interested in. Regardless, it was done well and i give you the thumbs up!
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Thank You and Congratulations!
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I love this ...
but it is hard to read. The meter is inconsistent to say the least, and that throws the rhythm off badly. The idea, the premise of the poem is very good.
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I agree with earlier Comment writers. At my present level, I did not consider entering this. I write this Comment just to let you know -- one more person has read and enjoyed very much your poem. I will be coming back to your Rocky Mountain home here in AP for more.
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Hey, like with Mat's offering
you have done great with your rhyming scheme, but the rhythm seems to vary a bit much.
"I take each chance, but fail to dance
when fate strikes up the band.
I am reborn, but I feel the thorn
as the rose slips from my hand.
A warrior’s soul, is black as coal,"
should set the pace for the whole piece.
It reminds me , in theme, of the song that Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, and another artist or two put out a few years ago, "I was a highwayman...." All in all a good read.
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This shows that you have some awesome skill when weilding rhyme
I love the flow that comes with multiple rhyme schemes. Of course, this piece seems to have multiple meters, which could be intentional or accidental, either way, it makes it a highly interesting read. I'm sure I will be reading this one a few more times.
Despite the technical complexity I find in this, it does not hop topics to make anything work Superb job staying in focus between the beginning and end, especially when covering more than a battle, but a history of them.
Great job.
s and best wishes always... ~Genie~
PS. Due to high volume of entries, I'll be using a scoring system to judge after the contest closes.
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nice rhyme scheme.
interesting view point and content.
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powerful write
I enjoyed the verses and the history. The story is the stuff legends are made of. Maybe you are focusing on past lives maybe fantasy and reality are walking side by side. The verses flowed and I loved the way it was put together. Excellent write keep up the good work. I am a warrior so I identify. Namaste warrior soul pilgrim.
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Wow what an amazing piece. I always find reincarnation interesting. You've captured the mind of this man beautifully...and I hear it's your first piece on this site...I'm an awe of your talent! Bravo~
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This completely earned the title of A Warriors Soul.
It was fantastic the way you intertwined history throughout the piece. A great write for sure. Thank you so much for sharing.
Soulful Woman -
Wow!
This your first write on this site, I can only imagine you have been writing for sometime! I had written a few as a teenager and none until the day I joined. This was absolutely phenomenal. I think you give us a great historical poetic and quite creative write and this on a guess would be along the lines of a triquatrain. Wonderful rhythm and rhyme through the entire pen and this your first piece here, you should be quite proud of! I imagine I came for a read after you have done some suggestive editing, regardless, a jaw dropping read. ~Tia
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excellent/excellent
this is very well thought out. kinda' like premeditated survival... great write!but as long as you are alive ther is a chance to change things. live until you die. love GYPSYfish
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infinitely extraordinary
bravo maestro. the imagery impeccable and outstanding. your recounts of reincarnation awesome. this was a great write for sure. kudos -
This was a very exciting piece keep going!!!
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Rory it is always with the greatest pleasure that i read poetry from a poet who loves the subject they are writing about.It adds so much more of the poet the simply words. A great piece with a little potted history lesson for those short on that side of knowledge Well done a joy to read
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This reminds me of a book series I've read named "Casca The Eternal Mercenary" written by Barry Sadler. Nice stary Good read I loved the flow. Thanx for sharing
Edited on Aug 07, 8:22 because 'spelling'. -
This is an amazing piece of poetry. I've always loved this kind of writing and you managed to express exactly what you meant. I loved reading it!
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I got the impression of past lives here lived by one soul. Either that or this is a bit like the song "Universal Soldier" . Either way this was absolutely excellent and a pleasure to read.
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This is a nice piece. I like it for it sounds like a piece of history itself.
Wish you the best.
Shahrzad
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HELL YES!!!
HOLY SH*T!!! i love this one probably the most out of all the poems i've read on this entire site...i'm gonna bookmark it. i read it to my older sister and she just sat there in awe, just like me...neither of us really know how to react to this...all i know is, this is an awesomely awesome poem...you have a way with words and this is great...keep it up! -
Oh wow! You're good! I usually find that when people rhyme they have a hard time with the meter and flow. Or that but they use the same old words and so it sounds like everyone elses. You wanted a real critique so I'll tell you the truth... YOU DID GREAT! Or, lestways, I think you did wonderful! I really liked it!
I got really into it. Sounded like dreams you have at night, following along in the events that really effected history. Like you really have a warriors spirit but that time has passed. So now you dream about being with them, to help satisfy it maybe? I don't know. But either way I really really enjoyed it and I think that you should be proud of your accomplishment. Thanks for featuring it so that we all had a chance to share your words and feelings with you.
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Wow, I loved this piece! The rhyme scheme was something I haven't really seen before, and I liked it. It's hard enough to get a rhyme in line poem, and then to add the rhyming words at the end of each line, good stuff. I agree with waydownuponjoy, there are things that could be smoothed out a bit to make this poem even better, but as it sits, it's great already. Very worth the read, thank you for sharing. Muchas amor, Amanda
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I liked the historical background put into this poem, it has a nice ring to it from the rhyme scheme as well, well done
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Great poem ...
Yes, yes ... a great poem written in Robert Service style! I'm glad that you commented on one of my poems so that I could be reminded to look up some of your poems! This poem has a great undercurrent of re-incarnation and I had to smile just a bit as I thought back over my past lives ... it was like a dejavu, not that I was where you were but your words instantly sent my mind into "think pattern" and truly wandered along! For a critical review I would say there's a line or two in each verse that could be perfectly balanced and would read smoother. The syllable count seems to be unbalanced and with your careful review this could be one "perfect piece of art!"
All in all this is a terrific poem! joy
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Rory i have to say your love of history shines through when you take up that subject to base your poetry on.Not that the other work has no merit far from it. I just think that a poet excels when writing about something they love.A wonderful write with excellent rhyme. The thing about writing stuff like this it leads the reader one to wanting to know more about the event mentioned.Most of my knowledge has been gained that way, simple curiosity Great work and a most enjoyable read
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Thank you Robin for your kind comments. It's nice to hear that I have a "style" of my own...truth be told, I probably just borrowed it from Robert Service lol. Thanks again for your comments.
Rory -
I am a history buff for certain!! Thanks for commenting..glad you enjoyed it.
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Hey, I'm honored to be running in featured with you at the same time. This history business is always great lit and poetry. You did a fine job on this and so many have already congratulated you. I second the motion. You have kind of your own genre of writes. At least the ones you post here. It gives you a certain 'authorship'. In that I guess I'm saying that someone might be able to recognize one of your writes without a signature. RC
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great
justic, you apparently did a great amount of research, are a war history buff or both. This was well written, very entertaining and let sing the soldiers heart. You do us honor and a abstract way, thank you. I read this at first with trepidation because it is easy to becoem cunical, because the support for the war is beig protrayed so badly in the media. anyway very good and very entertaining write, from a very old soldier. image and Visions -
I'm old, but not that old papa lmao....thanks for reading and for taking the time to comment.
Rory -
very well done and if you want to go back to years before you need to go way back before people i do think greqt write
keep doing well
love the papa -
I agre with vickie j how can any one not like this. it read like a story and was fabulous. it was a story a poem and a history lesson all in one
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I think this is an AWESOME piece of poetry, my friend! Truly, an outstanding write!!!
Wow!
Your talent shines forth wonderfully throughout this piece!
This would just kick butt in a short novel series!
Pen on, poet friend! -
Thanks Geometrix for your critique on A Warrior's Soul. This is exactly the kind of thing I am looking for as I strive to improve my writing. At some point I shall return to this poem and see if I can incorporate some of your suggestions. Thanks again,
Rory -
Rory, i have to hand it to you. you know your history. great job with that alone. also, the way in which you have written this is spectacular. great job. viyanna r langager
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A lot of punch and kick you have in this potential gem. You cover of a lot of ground, but then poetic devices seem to give up support to your thematic requirements. May be you can remove some of those adjectives, exclamation points, and reduce the number of "I's"...to make it even more hard hitting.
Geo -
Uuuumph! Great!
FINALLY! A poem with blood, guts, and adventure! A poem with history and bravery and knavery! A poem with Custer and his last stand, thank goodness! Gads, I love this poem! It is so much better than one thousand love poems. Put this one on the scale and it weighs in better than any fat little Cupid's butt. Thank you for writing such a thrilling message. I like history, you can tell.
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awesome
Merry meet,
wow or WOW that is incredible. You've warmed this Historian's heart. The Saxon's would have won that battle if they hadn't had that forced march. Anyway, your end rhyme scheme is sound slightly forced in spots. The second line in the first stanza sounds off. Have you read this out loud? I usually find my "off or bad" lines that way. the rest of the meter in the poem is very good. I love the following lines:
But unsatisfied, by just one who died, Brutus turned his blade upon me
I am reborn, but I feel the thorn as the rose slips from my hand
A warrior’s soul, is black as coal, charred by the horrors of his past
These lines are just incredible to me. Welcome to All Poetry.
Amythest -
This was a great fuckin' poem...classic and modern...full of energy and passion...I truly related and feel akin to you my friend.
Keep up the verses! -
I felt like I was reading a short story
I have no critiques on this, I simply think this could be
a start of a short story theme
Well done
FrozenTEars -
Thank you, I appreciate the kind words. Any suggestions on how to improve?
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That is brilliant, wow, I have never seen anybody do anything like this. That is cool. yes welcome to AP you are very talented I look foward to reading more of your work
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How can anyone have anything bad to say about this???? I am sitting here with my mouth open, thinking "wow!" You've managed to pull historical events from the past, by making them personal to you. Very impressive!
Although you are new to the site, you are obviously not new to poetry, lol.
It looks like you have found a perfect spot to share your works-cuz I am sure you've got more from where this came from.
Welcome to the site~vj
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