A cool October breeze stirs the empty school grounds,
Cotton clouds drift leisurely below a hazy, pale blue sky,
The sun begins its routine descent from the heavens,
The great oak’s massive arms sway gaily,
Sending numerous multicolored leaves fluttering down to the ground,
The pruned lawn grasses rustle softly,
The parking lot occupied by nothing but emptiness,
The main gate and lobby disturbed only by the serenity,
Not a single footstep to be heard in the previously busy hallways…
All twenty classrooms lie vacant, silent, and still,
With the exception of one, single one…
The large blue entrance door tightly bolted shut,
The dull grey curtains drawn,
Concealing the bare scenery the windows look out upon,
Permitting a few rays of sunlight to slip through.
A dreary, white- smeared blackboard attached to the otherwise blank walls,
Algebra’s menacing variables and threatening equations,
Scribbled line after line on its long- undusted surface.
Spit balls, candy wrappers, and chewed bubblegum,
Lie strewn offhandedly on the floor.
An enormous mahogany desk sits unoccupied,
In front of a threadbare office chair,
Crinkled papers and overlooked folders,
Scattered untidily over its surface,
Situated ahead of many similar, but smaller desks,
Accompanied by seats,
Of which all remain empty,
With the exception of one, single one…
A plump teenaged girl slumps over it,
Her head caressed in her pudgy hands,
Enormous elbows resting on the creaking desk,
Tears spilling continuously from her wide, puffy eyes,
Blurring the lenses of her crooked, rectangular spectacles,
Which fail to obscure the gradually increasing dark circles,
Surrounding her beetle black eyes,
And rest sideways,
In the wisps of her tousled, dandruff infested hair.
Acne and blemishes rise relentlessly across her chubby face,
Speckles of mountains and valleys.
Vines of thick hair creep up from her skin,
Managing to sustain a partially grown mustache above her upper lip.
The folds of pale skin and unnecessary fat present on her body,
Express her close resemblance to an inflated air bag…
She sobs, weeps, and sniffles,
Trying to hold back the tears,
As they stubbornly gush out of her eyes,
Flow down her face,
Cling to the edge of her nose,
Reluctantly let go,
Splattering silently on the wooden school desk,
Contributing to the rapidly swelling puddle,
Conveying her sorrow and depression.
She wipes her running nose obliviously on the back of her fleshy hand,
Smears several tears slithering down her face,
Distraught,
Devastated,
Struggling in desperation to overcome her woes,
To ward away her distress and grief,
Humiliated of being herself,
Desiring an attractive face,
Wistful for a fitter body,
For a more popular image,
A better reputation…
Shedding tears and mentality over her disappointing looks,
Over the thought of her pointless existence,
Unaware that every rose has its thorns,
And she, an innocent, pleasant, and kind- hearted girl,
As much, a beautiful rose as anyone else…
Author notes
Just a piece I came up with, about what beauty really should mean, trying to point out that every rose has thorns and you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. Feel free to comment, applaud, or critique.
Written March 29th, 2006
A contest entry
- This Contest Has Been Brought To You By 28 Trained Circus Llamas by half-interested.
300 points, ended October 30, 2006, 25 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 49 of 49
-
Good write here
So true it is for within each of us we all have a dark side often well hiden from others yet is shown through different ways and sometimes can inflict pain on others often by words alone
-
Amazin as usual...
wow, this is one of my favourites... for the message is really touching and you express it very well in your poem...
great descriptions...luv the imagery...need i say more?
lol
keep writin!
-
Thanks for the comment! It's good to know you like this piece!
Julia -
Thanks a lot for taking the time to read this and leaving a comment!
Julia -
very nice! i love the imagery that you've written. very nice! thanks for sharing, and thanks for reading my work!
-
Nah, I'm fine with the length... it's just that it wasn't constructive
-
isn't that meaningful enough?? one word is worth a 1000 pictures!
-
Thank you so much for sparing the time to read, comment, and applaud this! Your words mean a lot to me, and I'm really glad you liked this poem!
Julia -
Thanks so much for the comment and applause! I'm glad you liked this piece!
Julia -
Your images are outstanding, i could picture the scene so vivid in my mind. Kids can be so cruel sometimes. You are right every rose has a thorn. Beauty lies beneath the skin.
But i also believe if a person wishes to they have the power within themselves to change. Excellent poem i am very impressed
-
amazing&good message
Hey, wow...I reallllly enjoyed this- not only the subject which I think is dealt with amazingly and hopefully will make every one who reads it think about how they treat others, whether they look different or what but the images you create. It's amzing how I can visulaize the classroom, the girl...her "feeble" desk...I loved it I have to say. Wow, keeeep writing- it's amazing
-
LOL I meant a MEANINGFUL comment Areeba!
And sorry, I never noticed you'd commented it earlier!
-
hey.. i already commented this but then if u want me to say that again.. it's great, amazing. enjoyable to read... ur talented... luv ur words..
~DesertRose -
Thanks a lot for the comment! I'm really glad you liked this piece! I'll return the comment ASAP
-
LOL Areeba what happened to the C O M M E N T ?
-
so u've put ur points to good use! lol
in the morning, today, i asked someone how to use the feature and shamless features. featured writes are a little too expensive! anyway.. -
Oh my god don't you just want to hug this girl! It's made even sadder by the fact that this is something so common. Lovely write, and I know it's got little to do with your subject matter, but I loved how you set the scene ("Spit balls, candy wrappers, and chewed bubblegum, Lie strewn offhandedly on the dirty floor."). Good use of imagery!
-
Thanks for the comment RynnPuddle! Good luck judging your contest!
Julia -
This is a very beautiful meaningful piece. It shows true beauty in form, and a wonderful experiance to read, much like a small story. Nice work. Good luck~RynnPuddle
-
Thanks so much for the comment and applause Greson! Yeah, you're right, the people who pick on her are actually the real thorns. Thanks again for reading this poem big bro
Julia -
Wow! Imagery
Wow! I would lioke to know this girl cause every one who would tease her is a thorn! It's great! And the fact that you could convey this image and sustain it says alot about your ability to empathize with all that goes on! I applaud you! Thanks for sharing this poem with me! -
Hey thanks for the comment and applause. What Desert Sands poem? I've already critiqued like a hundred of yours (okay maybe I'm exaggerating a LITTLE bit ) and you've only commented/ applauded one of mine . LOL, I'll check it out when I get the time.
Julia -
Thanks for the applause and comment Miss Mystery! Glad you liked it! Feel free to check out more of my work if you'd like.
Julia -
This is great! I really like the description and the message! It's sad but nice! Great job! I'm still waiting for you to critique my Desert Sands poem.
-
Wow! Your poem was really good! It's descriptive and sad! In the beginning I thought that maybe it was meant to be a nice lovely poem but then it's starts about a teenage plump girl. It's sad. But I like your line near the end "Unaware that every rose has its thorns" great job overall!!!
-
Thanks for the comment!
-
Thanks for reading this and leaving a comment! I really appreciate it.
Julia -
Thanks Victoria... I'm glad you liked it. Feel free to check out more of my work... I'll be taking a look at yours and returning the favor soon.
Julia -
Thanks a lot... I'll be sure to have a look at your work too.
Julia -
this is amazing. i love this. this is a very nice write and i would love to read more. so i will definately be stopping by your site to read more of your work. feel free to stop by mine if you would like.
-
Thanks Jen... good luck judging your contest!
Julia -
really good message here... very uplifting. nice job and thanks for entering my contest
Jen -
awesome
You've described it all so well. It really does portray the whole beauty on the inside idea. I can picture the girl and everything. Youhave such exceptional talent. Thakns for sharing.
Victoria -
Very lengthy but well worth the read! Imagery and description along with your word choice made this piece well constructed. Well penned and thank you for sharing.
-
Awesome
This is an excellent piece. The flow is very nice, and made it fun to read. I especially like the part:
A cool October breeze stirs the empty school grounds,
Cotton clouds drift leisurely below a hazy, pale blue sky,
The sun begins its routine descent from the heavens,
The great oak’s massive arms sway gaily,
Sending numerous multicolored leaves fluttering down to the ground,
The pruned lawn grasses rustle softly,
The parking lot occupied by nothing but emptiness,
The main gate and lobby disturbed only by the serenity,
Not a single footstep to be heard in the previously busy hallways…
All twenty classrooms lie vacant, silent, and still,
With the exception of one, single one…
All in all this is a very well written poem. Thanks for sharing. Keep writing. I can't wait to read more. Charlene
-
Thanks so much for reading this Maliha! I honestly cannot WAIT to read your poems too and return the favor.
-
Damn. Haha not the best word to describe that poem. In fact that word doesn't come anywhere near. You've described it all so well. It really does portray the whole beauty on the inside idea. I can picture the girl and everything. You have way with words, and an appetite. I've read a lot of poems, but you have a talent that I've rarely found. <3 Maliha
-
Thanks Ros! I'm really glad you liked this!
Julia -
Thanks for reading all of this and leaving a comment!
-
the beginning I really got into with its very evocative description of being back at school. Very sad that young girls do fall prey to this self doubt -- the reviving ophelia thing.
-
How so many teenagers have suffered this fate.Over plump, spotty and no self confidence.Happily thses very often turn into Swan's.A great poem with vivid descriptions, Ros
-
I know it's long... long poems are my speciaility It takes a while to describe everything the way I want you know... so the reader can get good pictures in their head about it all. Thanks so much for the comment!
Julia -
This poem is sooooooooooo long. it's about a girl, maybe just like me . luv it, i know how the girl feels. nice slow descriptions. how you describe the school and all. niceeeee.
-
Thanks for the comment!
-
This poem is wonderful. So sad, especially cuz I know how she feels. Keep up the good work!
-
Thanks for reading and commenting on this piece! Sorry I haven't looked at your latest poem... will do it soon.
Julia -
Thanks!
Thanks a lot for the comment and applause Steve. As old and worn as that saying may be, it is really very logical and true... something no one can deny. I'm glad you liked this piece. Thanks again!
Julia -
Gosh, I don't know what to tell you anymore, AFW. This is another great poem I've read of yours! Thanks for those poets you've recommended by the way and I'm looking forward to seeing more of your work. I think this might have moved up to be my next favorite poem you've written.
-
A great message presented very nicely with some very good imagery. You've re-enforced the old saying "It's not what's on the outside that counts but what's on the inside" very nicely.
Nice word choices that made this a great read. Good luck in the contest. Take care and Have fun. Steve
Adding your comment:
1 - 49 of 49
