Pointy side out I greet your entrance under the sheets
You are greeted by elbows and knees
aimed in your direction
Unaware that I was even mad at you
Body language says it all , doesn't it?
Tucked in like a shocky baby
You have greeted me for months now
Hands drawn up around your chin
Covers clutched in stranglehold
around your neck
Daring me to pry them loose...
(Don't worry I wouldn't even try)
Silent deterrents
to loves most celebrated language
And all I really want
is to be welcomed to your world
Your cozy sleep nest
With your arms wrapped around me
and my head upon your chest
While we are unconscious
together.
I need you to be open
Not closed
Night is longer than day
I don't want to be shut out
between the sheets
Author notes
I believe that a lot of the problems couples have with each other occur not in the waking hours, but in the sleeping ones. Couples who \
Written March 28th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Wow. This was excellent. You did an excellent job on this not only because the poem was great, but because it was so painfully true.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~ -
Love it
Great poem. Title drew me in. Very very cool. thank you
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totally awsome
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Ooh, I have a poem with the exact same title so off course it got my attention
I like what you have here, especially because you have this statement that lots of people will be able to relate to in some kind of way
well written! -
i'm sorry to admit that i can totally relate... there aren't many things that hurt more than being shut out by someone that you really care about. i liked the way this was written. the only complaint i would have is that saying "i need you to be open/not closed" is maybe a little too obvious but that opinion probably has just as much to do with my style as it does the effectiveness of the line. very nice write overall.
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I thought it would be mushy too, but I was in for a pleasant suprise. I found honest to goodness real life truth to this. I loved the way you worked the end.
Bravo,
Jin
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I remember nights like these lol....great write. You have used some wonderfully descriptive words here. Kudos
Rory -
Julie
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, you surprised me with this one, with the title, I thought it might be mushy, but I loved it, and how true it is
Hugs and Love
Karen
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i hope ther is no starch in the sheets if there rubber they can be fun and satin is to hot. keep up the good writes
love the papa -
Talk about being left out in the cold to fend for yourself. You have really captured the plight of many men here. I love the way you use greeted by elbows and knees to imply access being denied. Very nice write. Thanks for sharing it.
John. -
I really hate when the stupid "" make the damn / and completely cut off what you're trying to say in the author's comments. I see it did it to you and I thought I'd let you know.
Well anyways, I really enjoyed this. I totally agree with what you've said. You've also written this very well and it is so strong and awsome! keep it up
amanda
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