Lisa's bracelet has fallen
through the stems of the broken boards
I used to build the porch.
Most of the charms are lying in the dirt
where the cat chases mice at night
some are scattered about the house,
in the window seals,
under carpets;
I don't know,
it was all a while ago
before the snowfall
and the night fell.
the cat sleeps most days
on the window
flexing his claws
as he dreams.
Perhaps I spend too much time away
playing cards alone
the magic in the fire distracted me
and I've burned before my time
I gave nothing to charity,
and was not bled;
I was cold inside.
As though I were lead by different storms
whose colors were as yet unknown.
Author notes
Written March 28th, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
Not quite sure I understood the meaning of this poem, but it was nicely written. I think it needs a little more clarity, more depth and meaning.
-
aww this is beautiful and soo deep i loved it. i also wonder what happened to the charms. this was an amazing poem and im glad to read one that doesnt rhyme...
Great read! -
This is a well written masterpiece.
EMOTIONS!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for sharing your talent.
God's touch
Jeri -
Sad and melancholy, but also a bit haunting. These lines really came across as melancholy:
Perhaps I spend too much time away
playing cards alone
the magic in the fire distracted me
and I've burned before my time
And the ending is the frosting:
As though I were lead by different storms
whose color were as yet unknown.
I've never thought of colors and storms as having a connection... but it's an interesting thought and your play with imagery is excellent. This is a poem to return to again and again - I still haven't gotten the complete meaning of it, but reading it a second time made the picture even more vivid.
Thanks for the read.
melanie -
Interesting and thoughtful. Makes me feel all mellow inside. Maybe it's the cat that does it.
Great job.
-
I wish I could write a poem that doesnt rhyme but I find it sooooo difficult. this was fabulous. I loved it
-
I liked your poem and I know that it is as someone else said a layered poem. But I loved this part:Lisa's bracelet has fallen
through the stems of the broken boards
I used to build the porch.
Most of the charms are lying in the dirt
where the cat chases mice at night
some are scattered about the house,
in the window seals,
under carpets;
I don't know,
it was all a while ago
before the snowfall
and the night fell.
and would LOVE to see you just expand on this in a poem. What happened to each charm, what did they mean to her, to you, why did she lose them??
NIce write, just see the ability to have more than one poem here. -
Read this and liked it over the other place but feel the line
"I was cold inside." is cliche and should be changed. Other than that...nice.
-
I agree, poems do not have to rhyme to be good. In fact, as much as I love the rhyming ones (if they are good and not forced), I didn't even notice that this one didn't rhyme until I read that first comment. It really was great. If it doesn't rhyme, it has to be great, and this was. Thank you for showing me a non-rhyming, beautiful and meaningful poem. By the way, I'm not sure what happened at the end. I loved how the cat had carried the charms all over the house. I got the feeling that the cat missed Lisa. I just realized, Lisa could have left, or died, or you killed her. If you read it over with a different scenario in mind each time, it's really cool because it changes the mood each time. Good one. If it is about someone who really died, I'm sorry. It is a great poem. Sorry if I'm rambling.
-
not sure i understood all this poem but i do love how you described each scene as tho I could see it. nicely written.
-
wow, that was prolific!
-
I love onion skin poems .
Ist layer read wonderful and was a nice write .
2nd layer the depths of a persons soul pondering over his?her life .
Getting to the final stanza the regrets and i should have done.
Spiritual the thinking about why how who was guiding .
Mind you i could have it all wrong but thats what i got out of it .
I thought it was a deep write .
Well done -
This piece is a very good example of why poems don't have to rhyme to be good. I really like the detail of this. Keep up the good work! ~Megan~
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
5 old applause
