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To The Perfect Woman (Tetralight)

A platinum spark gleams in your eye.
An ebony thread cascades your cheek.
A crimson sickle is your smile.
A porcelain perfection is your face.
~♥~
A porcelain perfection is your face.
I think that I will just stare for a while.
I'm reminded of a goddess of the Greek.
You possess a beauty like a starlit sky.
~♥~
You possess a beauty like a starlit sky.
In comparison, all others seem so bleak.
I stand in awe of your gorgeous gothic style.
I can't help but ask, "Why do I deserve such grace?"
~♥~
I can't help but ask, "Why do I deserve such grace?"
Why exactly do I deserve your beauty, your guile?
What made you pick me, who is so homely and meek?
A platinum spark gleams in your eye.

Author notes

A poem for the most perfect, most beautiful woman in existence.
Written March 28th, 2006

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • NEMesis-444-
    April 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    oops. . . will fix that right away


  • raspberry Greeters member
    April 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Hmm.. very deserving woman. Excellent attempt. Good. First line of the poem should be the ending line as well. Seems u missed that out. Its ok its never too late.. u can edit it. Interesting pece.. good luck


  • Sai Babas Lotus
    March 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    WOW! You sound so lucky to have the love of this lovely Goddess like lady. You describe her so well. Love the alliteration you used. All the best.

    Charishma


  • JoFoxserian
    March 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    this is a new style to me and i rather like it, it's a good challenge!

    this sounds really great for the contest and i hope you win, this was really graet!

    the only line that sort of urks me is the line that ends with goddess greek.....

    it would sound a bit better if it was something like
    a goddess to the greek,
    or something like that.....

    not sure...

    let me think on it.....

    try,
    "fair as a goddes to the greek."

    maybe that'll fit it better. not sure...
    other then that it's really good.
    lisa


  • BrandonHerron270
    March 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I like this style. And I think you wrote this very well. It's great. The porcelain part reminds me of Hannah. She has such beautiful skin. Great job. Sorry my comments aren't as in depth as yours. I love your comments, I just wish I could put that much down in comments.

1 - 5 of 5