The rumbling, tumbling echo of drums,
that corruscate along the breeze,
with flash of orange, green and gold,
to put my aching mind at ease.
That perfumed scent that lingers long,
is hanging clouds of silver white,
the birdsong in the trees above,
sparkles with a blinding light.
The taste of kisses once forgot,
flash purple spots in front of eyes,
my stammering heartbeat crashing,
sending electric sparks to skies.
The place we sat brings memories,
soaking me like rain,
the wind through leaves does whisper,
to warm my soul again.
Author notes
Written March 28th, 2006
A contest entry
- Love poems by ohemeegeeay.
300 points, ended June 12, 2006, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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this was a gorgeous descriptive poem-all summer sun and walks in the park with someone wonderful-a story of a summer romance it felt like to me-makes me nostalgic for my yoofxxx
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This is so very beautiful...the imagery is dazzling, and you know just where to put your words and phrases for maximum effect.
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Such a hopeful piece. Flawless rhythm.
"is hanging clouds of of silver white"
of of?
"flash purple spots in front of eyes,"
I wonder if you can find another word for purple? Sorry...I have a thing against that word...reminds me of Barney or something. Not that there's anything wrong with BARNEY of course (oh no, he rocks) it's just...Barney=childhood.
Anyways, great write. Keep it up. =D -
Very well done. Rhytmic, deep and alive, with such strentgh of voacbulary that I wonder if you teach at Oxford. You definitely have talent, keep up the good work.
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I enjoy the free flowing feel to the write and story it portrays.
Verse 1 - Thoroughly enjoyed the flow and wording (get the thesaurus!
)
Verse 2 - Brings me into the picture and emphasises what is there. Good work.
Verse 3 Line 3&4 - For me these are too sharp as compared to the other lines of the poem. There seems to be a word missing to keep the flow going in my opnion.
Just a suggestion -
My stammering heartbeat starts to crash
Sending electric sparks unto the skies.
Verse 4 - For me this portrays that you have fought, and opened your soul, but have given your all. The way the verse reads closes the poem perfectly in that the comments are shorter and stronger compared to the rest of the write signalling the beaten mood.
As I say an excellent write which I enjoyed reading. Big fan of fast flowing works.
thank you
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