front yard view -
dead leaves cannot hide
crocus buds
Author notes
Be of good cheer.
Spring is now here.
I keep looking for the first bud of the season but, alas, all is still grey and dead. But I know that the crocus are budding under all those dead leaves in my front yard.
Written March 27th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- joyhappylove&&cutefluffybunnys by risewiththesmoke.
500 points, ended March 26, 2007, 20 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
... does this make you feel spring...
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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I have never seen this form before
of course by self proclamation I don't do form poetry(too many rules) This is interesting and a bit more of a challenge than the standard 5-7-5 form. The picture holds both hope and longing so it lends to the mood of the piece which can only help. Not that the piece needs any help mind you just that it fits very well. Congrats on the bronze. -
Wish we had that here - still snow on the ground, and cool temperatures. A lovely picture to accompany this haiku. Congratulations on winning bronze with this poem. Easy to read and understand the sentiments expressed here.
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Excellent
I liked this poem a lot, it made me think of our back yard here in Iowa. Things are finally starting to peek through the leaves. Keep up the great work and congrats on the trophy!
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Haiku is probably my most favorite of all forms to read, and you've written this haiku well. I like the very different means you've written the "kigo"/seasonal reference in ths poem--And I really like the surprise moment of waiting for that surprise moment of those bright crocus popping-up!
Enjoyed the read, and CONGRATULATIONS on the Bronze Trophy win too!
Jo -
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Thank you fellow FIF member. It is good to get constructive feedback again.
- jo
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I love short poems...less words , more said...lovely and right to the point...spring is trying hard here in Maryland to come out...I planted pansies yesterday..just had to get my hands in the dirt...thanks for sharing
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very expressive as well as the imagery
beautifully done lovel -
aww!! i love this!! it took me by surprise, in a good way. definitely happy. awesome.
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jo, I feel that now you have done a fine editing job. It is wonderful to observe nature in the process, so to speak. Ron
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Best wishes for your springy poem, Ron (Lyndon).
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The tulips and daffodil came up beautifully, and then the first and second day of spring they stood tall in the snow...unreal.
This is a wonderful piece. If you look at it spiritually, it tells of a change in the soul...Goodness where there was once sin. I love it. Best wishes in the contest.
Sam
Edited on Mar 29, 6:56 p.m. because ''. -
Joanne,
You do well with these this reflected some hope
even in the what may seem a slow wait...
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Outstanding picture combined with perfectly formed thoughts creates perfection... which you certainly have here! It's wonderful! Spring is such an exciting time!
~Melissa -
grey front yard -
dead wood and leaves hide
crocus buds
hi jo - good to hear that the crocus has surfaced - that makes you a kind of prophet, lol.
the crocus has appeared now; it is no longer 'hiding', as the poet can see it. so can you look carefully at this crocus again & think of another verb for 'hide', or in some other way slightly revise this poem, depending on what you see or hear as you concentrate on looking at the crocus?
i look forward to your revision or variation.
please make sure all your revisions are placed under your originals, so we can note the development of your haiku.
best wishes during your observations,
myron. -
Ah but today - the crocus has surfaced! Thanks so much for the comment. I agree about the puctuation and will change that. Enjoy this wonderful weather. Going out with a notebook sounds like the perfect idea! - jo
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grey front yard
dead wood and leaves hide -
crocus buds
hi jo - good to see you writing a haiku with the modern 3.5.3 format - well done. it catches the changing of the seasons nicely with its three images and good, plain language.
i think you may have put your punctuation in the wrong place. when i read your haiku out loud i can notice a natural break in the syntax at the end of the first line, so i think your haiku should look like this:
grey front yard -
dead wood and leaves hide
crocus buds
i read your poet's comments with interest. you say:
"But I know that the crocus are budding under all those dead leaves in my front yard."
this gives me the impression that you didn't quite follow the rules of the contest which ask the poet to write about what they can see & hear around their homes. this seems to be a haiku based on what the poet knows, rather than what she observes. this is a habit that many poets find hard to break when they first begin to write haiku - they've become so used to writing from their heads & their memories that they approach haiku writing with ideas & try to find the right words to apply to those ideas.
in haiku it's a good idea to take a notebook outside & jot down what you see & hear. let the subconscious take over & decide which images to capture. write several haiku very quickly after observing your environment carefully. afater you'
ve finished writing these qwuick haiku you can take them back inside and start to think about them & to start tinkering with them to get them right.
anyway, going back to your haiku - i think it kind of works; so i guess it's ok to break the rules sometime.
best wishes on your haiku excursions,
myron.
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I do love when the crocuses pop out their lovely heads. This is a lovely haiku, and I adore the picture. Hugs, Patricia
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this is cool
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Excellent Imagery
Another fantastic haiku, Joanne. Would you believe my Trilliums already have broken ground and the buds are about to open! You do such a wonderful job with haikus, the imagery is excellent. Isn't that the point of haiku? Du-uh!
Another winner, my sister!
Lots of love and hugs, SisB♥n 
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