This plum is too ripe.
Here- take it,
Take its sweetness and
Juice
Take the roundness;
Plump, taught skin.
Take its perfection and
abused bruises.
I want sharpness, hollow
Eyes and aphasia; bones
Dry out and skin ruches around
The rawness.
So take this from me.
I despise the luscious
Swollen plumage, the
Pregnant blush
The damp, forbidding
Purple sockets. It
Mocks me, judgmental
In a
Bursting, disapproving
Wine-stained jacket.
Take it- I do not
Want it.
I lie, lethargic,
An ever-whitening, ever-
Effacing eyelid. Raising a
Dead head,
My eyelids shuttering, to see
The plum glare, spiteful,
From my humming-glass bowl.
I hate it.
This fruit is too ripe.
The vase next to me agrees-
Her deep, sweet neck throats and
Raises warmth.
Sweetness, my love,
My ruby; the rawness
Grows. This cyst is
spiked, rare
Ready to split,
spit-trodden, volatile.
It hurts me. Redness and
Virtue
Leak from its centre.
Purity oozes, tangible;
I hate it.
Author notes
Written March 27th, 2006
In a list
- best work • next in list
- days of diamonds, shards and bloodshed • next in list
- chasing the dragon • next in list
- collective expulsions • next in list
A contest entry
- dear. we must eat the liver. sweet as june. we must. dear. by jaunty pill.
300 points, ended June 20, 2006, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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wow
thank you so much
~ C ~ -
This... is absolutely fantastic. It's made me feel shakey, though. You've made this piece remarkably powerful. It's almost scary... I just love poetry that makes me feel. You're wonderful.
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beautiful, just beautiful
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Dear Fiore, I am swept along by your gorgeous imagery and sentiments in this, yet find myself deviating to the idea of fruit in the clutches of time, which makes me hate it, because we are in that surly place, too. I am unable to comment effectively on poems that I read = I only know what I love, and this is going on the list of rare beauties.
Edited on Apr 18, 8:49 p.m. because ''. -
Hey there again.
Like I said in my above comment , It was never bad at all , Just some sections needed a little work , Which you have indeed , Done well. You have limited the " its " a lot more and now they only seem to complete the poem where it is important to do so. I like this edit much more and I am glad you could make something of my comment.
It was my pleasure.
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thank you so much for your encouraging and critical comment... I've edited the poem since, as I noticed how much the 'its's stick out... let me know if you think its any better
thank you
~ C ~ -
I would consider cutting back on the use
of " its " through out the poem , But that might
have been your intentions and I would hate
to see a change that might ruin the format/flow
on the work...But it does seem a bit much.
In the third stanza down did you mean " its "?
Though I think it will only add to my above
complaint. You have the word " is " in the
2nd line and if that was intentional , I must
be missing something...
I found the 7th , 10th and 11th stanza's brilliant.
The imagery is so foreboding and it carries such
passion , Drawing the reader directly into
your haunting poem. Reminds me a tad bit of
sylvia plath , But better. You don't go on and
on and on like some of her poems. There are
moments of pure levity here where you break
through the metaphors , Which is something
she never did.
I am always dumbfounded after reading your
works. The voice you speak from is so sharp
and just. Like a note written in a jail cell right
before the inmate dies...So much you could
say , Yet you find an idea that encompasses
so much , With little. And that is a gift. Not
many people are willing to let a poem speak
and then leave...They think they have to drive
the poem through the mud until it dies. When
really , Sometimes , Simplistic and concise
stanza's are a good way of getting across a
profound moment for the readers own life.
I found the use of " I hate it " to be so
bold and daring. Almost as though you
said " O.k. , This is what I want you to
think now and it doesn't matter. My
emotions are there and done. It simply
will not change a damn thing ". And I
guess that goes to show again your talent
of proving yourself as a wordsmith.
This poem , In the end , Is bathed with
time , Blood , Death , And somehow ,
Peace. I always am taken back by your
work and it isn't everyday I have the
pleasure of reading a poem such as this
over and over again.
Consider me a long fan of your creativity
on this website and I do hope you never
decide to pack up and leave. Truly , That
would be a sad day.
Great work.
Thanks for entering the contest and good luck ,
James
Edited on Apr 17, 6:20 p.m. because ''. -
well, if you wanted to a comment. You are now on my favorites list because of this poem. Does that tell you how great it is?!~Daina
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Very interesting poem, I've never seen one written like that on this site before. And it looks like you put alot of thought into it.
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excellent!
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dark and creepy in a sort of over-ripe, claustrophobic sense...cant put it any better than that really... very Silvia Plath-ish. great write
E~ -
cool, very well written. I love the emotional tone of this poem. It is a definate work of art. I love it!
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w0o0w very amzing and kewl write i liked it a lot!!
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