O best beloved, it is often said
By people who are sere and celibate:
Have too much sex and you will soon be dead;
Best you should be a monk, and meditate.
A Caliph once there was; on hill-top high
His palace stood serene and marble-wall’d.
A league away his harem-lodge did lie,
From which each night a chosen wife he call’d.
A serf would run the errand, and his tears
Fell on the stony pathway flanked with graves.
The Caliph reigned for ninety-seven years,
And in that time broke ninety-seven slaves!
It’s not the sex (thus saith the man of wit)
That kills you – it’s the running after it!
Author notes
may I have a lemon twist
Written March 27th, 2006
In a list
- Sonnets, sonnets, and more bloody sonnets • next in list
- Laugh, willya! • next in list
- Wee yellow vases • next in list
A contest entry
- Party of 7 - Party of 2 - Come & Party ALL of YOU!! by intanglio2ring.
300 points, ended April 6, 2006, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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Mairi
Here in Nevada it is legal to have bordellos outside the municipalities.
By the way, in Hebrew and Arabic "Harem" means "forbidden".
I once was going up to one of those places which was an hours drive to the north of Las Vegas, to a place called the Chicken Ranch.
About a half hour out, I came upon a billboard which read, "Mother Fletcher's Whore house, 2 miles.
Well, I figured I'd take a gander at it as I would already be spending considerable money and it would save me another half hour drive.
"Mother Fletcher's Whore House next exit", and I turned off.
It was a nice little cottage type structure, unremarkable, except for the hurricane fence and electric buzzer for entry.
Walking in, I encountered a little old lady sitting behind a desk.
"Are you here for a good time", she asked.
"It will be a hundred and fifty".
"Just go through that door there, and someone will take care of you".
"Push it hard, it sticks sometimes".
So I placed my money on the desk and headed for the door. It WAS stuck, so I pushed hard, and tumbled to what seemed twenty feet down. The door slammed behind me, and as I regained what was left of my composure, I was confronted by a sign with letters broad which read...
"YOU'VE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY MOTHER FLETCHER"
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I would have gone round, hammered on the door, and said "I don't call falling and nearly breaking my neck a 'good time'. I demand a refund!"
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Oh, I get it, (usually takes me a while) good one! (Joke and sonnet!)
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Jings, Marilynn - did you only just find this one? LOL
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Oh, forgive me, please
Oh, the running after it shall give you a fit!
And after a bit you will then lose your wit!
Then the court will issue a writ 
that will tell all the world that you were a DIT!
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You really are doing the grand tour tonight!
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I knew it right
you are so bright
while I in flight
am just a fright.
Smoosh
Janet -
I am just going to make a general point about stresses in my sonnets. A great deal of work goes into these poems, to make sure that what appears to flow almost as barely-stressed, everyday speech can fit into iambic pentameter without making it plod. It is never a heavyweight dee-DAH dee-DAH dee-DAH dee-DAH dee-DAH, some syllables being only very lightly stressed; however, I pick my words so that a stress never falls where it would be unlikely to in the everyday pronunciation of a word. For example a stress would fall on AFter but never afTER. Challenge me if you like, but I think I have ended up with a style of sonnet-writing which sticks to iambic pentameter, but gives it a light touch, and therefore flows.
Edited on Apr 06, 8:27 because ''. -
Just read through again - I can't see a darn thing wrong with the pentameter; but I'm glad you liked it anyway. Thanks for dropping by.
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Though the Iambic - Pentameter are not quite right, a pertty good sonnet for this contest.
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Thank you Tangle - you utter barm-pot!
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Excellence of Verse
Congratulations to you - it should match your heart - of gold.
Your barm-pot,
Tangle -
Why, thank you
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Lmao, this was great, very creatively written, best of luck to you)
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You're very welcome!
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Thank you, Ted
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I'm just glad I don't have to chase the sex and that we have designated calander days(lol). Very nicely done I may add! Good luck in the contest.
Ted E -
NotaDP - I often try to tell jokes in iambic form, but more often that not I end up simply putting my foot in it.
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I am glad you liked it, Lily.
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Type it and wear it as a band around my upper
Another perfect sonnet-- a wit not unlike my own--like a fox after my own "hart" as in Aesop's "Foibles". 'Tis a joke told well in iambic form -- as in "Hear about the Caliph who had 97 wives (slaves, concubines, ladies of the night), who, while on his deathbed lay, said: . . . it is not the sex. . . GREAT write. Still, you are for good reason on my list of favorites. -
Hey, see this!
Very funny and humourous! You speak very openly and graciously, too. This piece proves your thoughtfulness once more!
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History does not record that, I'm afraid.
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I guess he had a revolving door policy on wives...just
keep them coming and going...lapoe... -
Thank you Josephine - did I mention how many wives the Caliph outlasted? Did I mention it was he, and not Napoleon, who first said, "Not tonight, Josephine"?
Glad you enjoyed it
M -
Wonderfully penned write Mairi from Wife Number 3 lol...Josephine
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Glad you liked it, Ellis ... and my sonnets are becoming less and less rare!
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Deliightful
Very much fun reading this, and I love the (rare) rhyme scheme. --Ellis -
Thank you DarkerKnight - I can see the way your mind is working!
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A harem is a man's best dreams, but oh to remember those birthdays. lol I loved the wist you ended this with. I laughed out loud (glad the boss wasnt around. lol) Good luck in the contest. Now if only Lady Sylvyr will let me think about...oh never mind. lol
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{Winks at LAPoe} Thank you - who's to say what the look on his face was? Probably puzzlement, as he asked the wife of the evening "Do I know you?"
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Thank you, Michael.
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Quite the little horn dog, wasn't he...but I bet at the
end of his days he had a great big smile on that decrepit
old face...just so sorry about all the ones he put in
their graves...another great storyteller..here on AP...
I'm so happy!!!lapoe... -
Well you invited me, Tangle
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Excellent
Oh! But I love the chase. You never dissapoint me with your wit and wisdom, and the eloquence with which you tell it. I am honored for you're poem to be the first in this competition.
Good Luck in the contest. -
Bravo!
Deftly done and very, very funny! Bravo!
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