Bereft of faith
And lacking purity
Forgive me not
My insecurity
Leave me here
At my behest
However in vain
My hearts true request
Abandoned
I bear no grudges
Fugitive tears leave behind
A trail of smudges
Leave me not
With your sarcastic repartee
How treacherously, ungraciously
You left my heart broken, unable to flee
With pride merely dented
And spirit undeterred
Freedom unfolding like the wings
Of a fledgling bird
The glint of a smile
My redeeming light
Bear witness to my re-birth
I am the phoenix ....... in flight
Author notes
Written with the purpose to inspire people to overcome adversities they may face.
This is my favourite gold winning piece due to the message of hope and revival of spirit that can arise out of the ashes of depression.
Written March 27th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- whatcha got for me? by psychotic iguana.
355 points, ended June 29, 2006, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gold Mine by Cherokee.
600 points, ended March 15, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - INVITE ONLY CONTEST by Darc Soul.
700 points, ended September 5, 2007, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - AP Book Contest-- get published! by tinuelena.
900 points, ended September 19, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Inspire a young depressed soul, give me inspiration by Fedrizzi.
340 points, ended December 20, 2007, 26 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - In Desperate Need of Inspiration by JustFallingApart.
300 points, ended August 25, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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wow. you're really good with the rhyme.
"Abandoned
I bear no grudges
Fugitive tears leave behind
A trail of smudges"
your poem was simple, yet empowring.
i adore phoenixes and this poem, i'm in
with.
amazing job.
love the image in your background
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Thanks again for your wonderful comments, as you can see my themes are quite varied, I don't always use rhyme but this is by far the favourite piece I have written and I am extremely proud of it's two golden trinkets. feel free to stop by my pages anytime I have lots to read and plenty of created bg's you can snag.
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Daddy this poem is Excellent. wow this is one very powerful piece that you've penned. I see why its your favorite piece. I love the imagery that you've brought forth with your words. the rhyme is flawless & the flow is smooth.
Congratulations on both of the Gold Trophies, and the HM.
I love you Daddy
kat
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nice write, very powerful
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Nice rhyme, sad and beautiful and deep and intense. Great job. Well done.
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Greatness!
A wonderful poem, I to find the Phoenix to be an inspiration in how it arises from its own ash and coals, Best of luck to you in the contest!
p.s. i have a poem entitles "The Phoenix" as well, if you'd like to ever read it (^.^) -
hey...very niec. well written and truly quite beautfil. love it!
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Now this is amazing. It fits my current situtation. This should be poem of the year. The abuse groups should use this as their motto. Now this is one of my favs. Thank you for sharing.
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I love the message of this well written poetic expression!
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thank you for your kind comments, much appreciated.
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Oh. My. Goodness. It's really amazing! Not to mention I'd guarantee my boyfriend would adore this and he's not even into poetry. Wow, wow, wowwww. Geh, I feel like a fangirl. T-T Anyway! Very awesome. There was superb rhyme and flow, and the ending wrapped it up rather nicely. I don't think anyone could've made it sound better. I really seem to enjoy your writing. You've got a very gifted talent. Er, talented gift? Some set of words like that. x)
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Thanks for such a wonderful comment, glad you like that piece, it is one of a handful I had immediate pride in after writing.
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wow very well done and congrats on trophy
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Great rhyming - such a sense of building yourself up from a broken being to be reborn again into hope - a beautiful strenght held between the lines of this piece!
Very encouraging - deinitely one of the best pieces I have read on this site!!
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Great comment
Thanks again for such wonderful words, I am thrilled you enjoyed this piece, I wrote it in an inspired moment to hopefully inspire others to see the beauty in the talents and things they do have, rather than worry about the things that they don't have. Strength lies in true acceptance of the real person within. -
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I think it would be hard to find someone who wouldn't enjoy this piece there is such a liberating feeling in the final stanza - after the depression running through the beginning of the piece it's really freeing!
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You're a good rhymer.
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Such a write ... Wow ...
I loved this from beginning to end; there is so much more depth in the words then you are actually letting on ...
Brillant
Stay safe
~Amanda
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Yes
Close to saying no, but I see so much potential, I know you are/can be a good writer, I can tell. -
no
hmm abit simplistic but the rhykning is good it would be nice to see you working with longer lines and a bit more feeling but besides that really well done thank you for entering and best of luck!
~lamia -
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what did you find simplistic about it? I am not certain you read deeply enough into this. It's about people finding the strength to pick up the pieces and live again after traumatic times.
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congratulation on ur gold trophy you deserved it. its a very good poem i enjoyed it. i love how the last line hits. well done!
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this is an awesome write so full of emotions and a glimpse into your sould... fantastic stuff
cheers
Jen -
That's sooo coool cuz, awesome background!!
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Incredible penning here...I love the rhyme scheme you used...precisley why I say you did not need the link....Trina
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That was a really great write, you definitely have the skills my friend - a true poet!
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What I needed
Your right, I did need to read that! I loved it, dad. I hope you put that one in your poetry book. It's so good, it brought tears to my eyes. -
Excellent! Once again I say it is no wonder you won a gold trophy for this poem! The sparsness of words coupled with the enormity of meaning is incredible. I see in your bio that you work caring for a person who suffers from severe mental illness. In USA, the "mascot" for professional rehabilitation workers is the phoenix. I don't think you are talking about that here, but I thought you might find that fact interesting. Well done poem! Congratulations! Toni
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I agree with Amunet wonderful and creative penning
and a pleasure to read
Congratulations on your award truly a deserving one
Love and Light
Tearz (hugz your way) -
This is a fantastic piece! Very strong and the imagery takes you right through it wonderfully. Awesome job here!
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very good
an interesting writ emy freind thank you for sharing this with us and keep up the good work
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this is really well written and i love how the character strips of all their negativity (in essence) and find freedom and flight as the phoenix!!
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good one
oh yeah like it got a good feel and flow and damn fine imagery i can hear this as a performance piece.....love the ending the phoenix .....in flight very nice.....
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