Crusade seeks fight
Balance rectify
While warrant to forthright
Seductions restraint cum
Drip flesh and blood scent
Venture ignite
Author notes
Written March 26th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- A Form Contest for Making a Compression by Sector-Hunter.
300 points, ended April 13, 2006, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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Thank you for commenting to my poem. I was grasping on personifying what war represent, but didn't pull altogether just right. Haley27
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Thank you for commenting and critiquing my poetry. I was grasping on the art of war where good vs. evil protray at the battlefield, but don't know if I brought it together for a compression. I will fix those lines. Haley27
Edited on Mar 27, 6:53 p.m. because ''. -
This is, indeed, a very dark poem about war. (But then, war is a very dark subject!) While I must admit that I don't completely understand where you were going with this, I understood enough to grasp the "meat" of the message, and in that, you did a great job. For the type of poem this was, you painted a very accurate portrait, in a few words, of what war is about. Fix those couple of places where you had trouble with the count, and it will be perfect! Thanks for entering.
Paula -
I think what you're trying to say in this poem was make love, not war. I'm not sure if that's what it was about, but that's what I got out of it. You have the rhyme right, but your last two lines are flipped. The last line is in a count of 5, and it should be 4, and the next to last line, is in a count of 4, and it should be in a count of 5. Fix those last two lines, and this poem should be really good. Thank you for taking the time to enter. Good luck, and lots of love, Robin...aka SH
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