Feel Love's downed drink swerve round.
Feel Love's downed drink swerve round!
Slipping in the curve of my flush breast, unbound.
Slipping in the curve of my flush breast, unbound!
Love's flush in round, slipping, swerve curve, unbound.
Drink the feel of my breast, downed.
Brush of tongue ink slanting thighs afire!
Brush of tongue ink slanting thighs afire!
Link your pyre to my body entire!
Link your pyre to my body entire!
Thighs slanting... tongue, brush my body link,
to your pyre of entire, afire, ink!
Crush my body, with your breath.
Crush my body, with your breath!
sipping til skin melt, serve my silk like depth.
sipping til skin melt, serve my silk like depth!
With my depth serve, like your breath melt.
Sipping skin, til body crush... like silk.
Drink, ink, link tongue with the flesh.
Flush, brush, crush skin to breast.
Slanting, slipping... sipping in your breath.
Pyre afire... entire feel of Love's depth.
Round, downed, unbound thighs like silk.
Swerve, curve, serve my body til it melt!
Author notes
I hope I followed the form properly. Sorry, if it offends anyone... it just sort of came out like that, I started out wanting to write about love and it's feel, but seeing as how my "love language" is touch... I guess it evolved into desire. I did recheck it about 10x's... found a couple words missing & did an edit.
Written March 25th, 2006
A contest entry
- Paradelles by FirstScript.
500 points, ended April 2, 2006, 3 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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this is not one of my favorite write that i have read of yours but i must say that i was not at all offended by it for we must have the freedom to write as we seem fit and as the mood takes us, i see others have read it and enjoyed it to its fullest so i hope that you wont take offence that it is not to my taste my dear
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lovely!
i love this, i havent a clue if the form is "proper" but who gives a shit! this is amazing work. truly very beautiful, and compared to my stuff, not at all offending. lovely erotica, write more!
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Erm... I don't like that form then.
It just seems like words muddled together.
But, good story line all the same.
SMW -
Fabulous form! Not one of my favorite forms as the repetition can grow stale, BUT you used so much emotion and sexual desire within these lines, I did not squirm at the repeating lines. Well done!
~Lori
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I've never been overly fond of this form, as repetition is a delicate poetic tool that needs a strong skill to carry it out effectively.
I think this form really chops up the flow you could have, afterall, most people don't speak or think this way (in doubles), when they are having pleasure... Sexual, or sensual writes should flow as smoothly as the action(s).
On the other hand, you do create the presence and images of a sexual encounter in a nice non-cliche way.
Poetic-wise, I don't think this style works well with the subject, but I do love the subject.
-Shirley- -
Well done, very touching write (pun intended). I do not care for the form, but you did an excellent job of it!! I love this romantic style of erotica, it is one I use often, preferring sensuality to raw sexuality! Do not apologies for making it sensual, it turned out beautifully, I especially adored the entire last stanza, very distinct and moving! I too, am a writer who's works often take over my intent and write themselves as they will!
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An alluring poem and though I'm not familiar with this form, I think it is a very unique pick. It makes the poem feel even more exotic which is probably good considering the subject. Great flow and great choice of words. I like how its obvious what's happening but you didn't feel the need to use really base or juvenile description. It's somewhat abstract and very poetic but the story is still crystal clear.
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I edited it, so I hope you have the final product, when judging. Thank you.
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It's a very well wriiten poem ... Follows the form I think, I still haven't checked for all the words, hope you did. Just rushing through to check any new entries. I will be back to comment on this properly... But looks like you did a good job
All the best
and thanks for entering 
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