Why am i here?
i don't feel i'm living-
i'm just existing on scraps;
feels like part of me's
gone missing.
wasting my time-
caught in a tide;
drifting.
Throw me a line,
and reel me back in
to something.
A saltwater tear-
as i remember us two kissing;
you stole a piece of my heart,
the part of me
that's missing.
Author notes
this,to my mind is the most stupid poem i've ever wrote.
Written March 25th, 2006
A contest entry
- The Worst Poems Ever Written by love my jose luis.
600 points, ended May 21, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Over 250 Poems by zhaniswolf.
350 points, ended July 23, 2007, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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i can relate to this one. it was good. i can even imagine being the poet for a minute... good job.
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what
, i hate this one! ah well never mind,
heehee,
floorboards. -
Too good to enter. Sorry but i'm guna have to remove it from my contest!! x
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Uh..Oh..You did it! You wrote a really good poem! Tisk..tisk!
Honestly, a sweet write. 
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thanks
thanks very much for your thoughts and comments,very much appreciated.i'm amazed anyone actually likes this one actually,i'm not sure where it's going at all.thanks again,floorboards -
I never try to rhyme with my poetry, its something I say quite a lot, I’m not a fan of most rhyming poetry either. It seems that with the need for a certain word something is lost of the feelings put into writing such a piece, poetry shouldn’t be about the perfect rhyme, but true heart which caused the feelings inside it to surface. However, this is very strong in the sense of emotion put into it, I feel that there was a lot that went unsaid, like you held back here, or maybe something’s are better left unsaid. Please don’t feel like I’m trying to put a downer on this piece, as I enjoyed the read, and such a relevant subject definitely tugs at anyone’s heart, I’m simply offering my opinion, however wrong it may be.
All in all though, nicely done and thank you for the comment on my rant, much appreciated.
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Very well done!
I believe you did a very good job in depicting heartbreak- the meaningless void & the feeling of "drifting" that it leaves you with. By the way, I don't know what the heck is going on with my computer, but if you got 3 applauses from me, that's even better! (hahaha). Anyway, I also noticed you've done about 249 critiques on other people's poems. Wow! You get around, my friend! Anyway, I give your poem two thumbs up!(that's a good thing, by the way- it's not obscene). Also, thanks for reading my work! Bye for now. -
cheers
thanks jeff,i've changed the ending on this about 35 times and i still hate it,seemed like a good idea to start off with.anyway cheers for your comment and applause.
regards
jock{only joking]..alex. -
Excellent write, your words have a good flow. sad, but well done...Jeff
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Poignant, Emotional
Poignant yet beautifully scribed, mate. I imagine a great many people can identify with that sinking feeling of heartbreak over a love lost. Personally, I feel that this piece is complete as it is, other than the possibility of ending it on a positive note; something that reveals life continuing and strength gained through the trails and tribulations of life.
By the way, thank you again for reading one of my Biblical pieces. I notice that you are new to All Poetry, so WELCOME ABOARD, mate. I have several friends in England.
Love and hugs, B♥nnieQ
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cheers!
thanks very much again for your wonderful comments firstscript,i keep changing the last verse as i just can't settle on anything,don't really know where it's going.i'm going crackers here!
floorboards -
If I told you that I understand exactly what you mean here... it would be a sad ckiche, but that's how it is. Every line of this poem is like I would have written it myself.. and that's a feeling I hardly ever get.
I wondered at the absence of punctuation at first, but I feel the emotions in your words are much clearer this way... I would try it with punctuation though once
A very good write all in all Well done poet !
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