"even jesus
had to die,
my darling"
-pj harvey
....
under
kohl-bound
lids cyclic
pressures
become
entrenched
broke by
an ossified
sense of
grief it
would be
a typical
birthday
massacre
magnolia
blooms
receding
as branches
bend to his
irascible drift
xenophobic
and unable
to rescind
his act
would follow
the liturgys
commence
feeble pellets
like oleander
milk- a grudge
abandoned
(he would sit
in vertigo
dreams)
tensions
removed
....
and the
little girl
sings:
"even jesus
had to die,
my darling"
-pj harvey
Author notes
Once again I decided to play around with some of James options. I know this is definitely #1, as I used the words that he asked, a little more than ten, but I am not being judged in this contest, so it doesn't matter if I didn't follow the rules entirely.
And, as in my last entry, this also falls under option #3.
Thanks for reading.
- Kenneth
A contest entry
- death valley ( an ache that is ) - drink up. by jaunty pill.
300 points, ended April 17, 2006, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what does this poem make you feel/see/imagine?
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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i have no clue what it is about
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I can understand that. The word use is so out of my territory. James is ten times better at using extremely advanced vocabulary without mucking it up, but he did think I did an amazing job, which makes me proud I wrote this, however I wouldn't write like this all the time, cause it just isn't my style.
I can say, that if the words weren't so out there, the meaning wouldn't be so illusive, but then again, that's what makes this poem so fun to read.
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broke by
an ossified
sense of
grief
wow. broke??? good graciousness that is amazing. coupled with even jesus had to die. i could go on and on about how that makes me think of why its so easy to do the wrong thing verses the right. but id only end up rambling. so..ill just say...really really nicely penned. thoroughly enjoyed. well worth the read.
blu
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I didn't ever get this comment in my notes, shows how the new allpoetry isn't as flashy and amazing as it seems.
Thanks for stopping by and reading my work.
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Interesting thought. It's not on the dot, but I wouldn't expect it to be. Thanks for your feedback. It's nice to hear how my poems make people feel, rather than just getting compliments.
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Mostly, I feel the sadness of this piece. I just see some lonely person, perhaps on their birthday, sitting in a quiet spot and reflecting on something far off in the distance. It's actually quite ethereal, and a bit haunting. Overall, I thought it was an excellent example of abstract motion depicting a common emotional experience.
Hope that clarifies.
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I took inspiration from James' contest to work on this. He has always wanted me to push my boundaries and after hearing PJ wail her vocal cords against the wall, I couldn't help myself. If I may ask, what do you get from this poem, what ideas do you have in relation to the core meaning? How did it make you feel? -
and the
little girl
sings:
"even jesus
had to die,
my darling"
First off,
that fuckin' quote! 
Says so much, n'cest-ce pas? 
But the rest...man, you are really hitting those high notes, love...stellar work, filled with flimsy whimsy sandwiched into sides of sadness. Perfection with a tear drop.
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"a typical
birthday
massacre"
if this was typical birthday massacre....nothing that you write is typical...it's beyond.
i thought this was wonderful and it should be judged. you are completely capable of winning.
as if all birthday massacres are typical...im convinced yours would be a slaughter. (in the most delightful sense of course)
absolutely astounding.
-alexsis -
i like the colours and atmosphere this brings. thought it could have been a little shorter but i love the quote you've used in it x x x <3
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Amazing!
-sighs- I came here to ask for your help in commenting on my poems, but I read just this one poem of your's and like -sighs- You are out of my league! lol I have nothing useful to say so just! This was wonderful! -p00f- CHOWDER!
Tory! -
There are no keys for interpretation. I would be happier if I'd never have to articulate a single word for days and days ... We talk and the more we talk the more we realize that words are useless because words are as fleeting as a monent captured in a photo. We are never the same person. If Jesus had to die then what does that mean? That truth is death or vice versa. It's a question of survival. It would have been a massacre, but it wasn't. Not yet anyway. My take on the poem. It took me a while to come back. Thank you, Maria
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There's a definite sense of entropy in this poem, of all things moving or being pulled to an end, a finale. And for some reason, which I’ve yet to discern, “he would sit in vertigo dreams” keeps jumping out at me – perhaps it’s the juxtaposition of words but I really like the turn of phrase. What a great poem and a fascinating read.
Peace – PB
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I figured that you probably figured out what I meant by "oleander milk" and you did!
I'm happy to see that one of my favorites finally commented on me. I have edited all of my poems that were on here before and have added four new ones, three of my own entirely and a collab. with James.
Nice to hear from you.
- Kenneth
Edited on Mar 26, 5:11 because ''. -
never mind oleander makes perfect sence.
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Calls to mind someone shooting themselves, or giving up on attempting to figure out...something. I don't know why you used oleander milk but it's a beautiful phrase.
I've been meaning to try writing something abstract for this, hopefully I'll get to it. Since you're not being judged it may be a little easier
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Be thankful you didn't understand it dear, it's not exactly a happy poem. It's quite depressing once you get underneath it's skin.
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I need a friend!
Oh, jeez, slaughter...I think it has somethin' ta do with Jesus and birthdays and how no matter what, stuff happens. And you know what else? Yesterday was my really truly birthday and two of my kids did not even remember. 
waaaaa! They didn't even call or e-mail me.. waaaaaa! So I hoped this poem might cheer me up and waaaaaa I didn't even understand it! But, it's really a good poem. I think. Will yu be my friend, anyhow?
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Take a chance and tell me what it is you think you see in this poem? Any certain image or idea that stands out and holds a secret meaning to you, personally, as a reader? -
A good point, I think. I am not gifted at analyzing poetry that has hidden meaning, but I like the "Oleander milk". Hey, it's a contest poem..and that means it has to do a certain thing! Good! Ya did it! And fine, too!
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I'll check it out.
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I choose my words carefully and tried my best to stay within the meaning of the word. Some poets, when presented with a word bank end up sounding desperate to fill in the blanks, but with this poem I wanted to make them sound like they belonged where they were written.
Thank you for the compliment.
I encourage you to check out my other entry in his contest, where James encouraged me to try my hand at abstract poetry. I didn't know if I could do it, at first, but he told me he knew I could, so I did and I like the poem I wrote, surprisingly enough.
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excellent slaughter . . . none of it seems forced which is difficult to do in a contest limited somewhat with a word bank.
enjoyed this piece, and surely it follows the rules . . .
Adding your comment:
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