Foolishness had led to this
Through deception of a single kiss
Crimson dress in scarlet snow
Left for dead, to die alone
Now fights the battle to decide
Whether she lives, or whether she dies
Cheeks are stained with blood and tears
Grows more desperate as ending nears
To all the signs she’d turned blind eyes
Fell in love with all his lies
Agreed to wed at dark of night
Kept it secret, stayed out of sight
For him she’d wait, to take his hand
But he appeared with other plans
She said her vows with a hopeful heart
“For richer or poorer, ‘til death do us part”
He gently kissed her on the lips
Their very first and final kiss
The knot was tied, he grabbed his knife
And swiftly took his young bride’s life
Another link to his chain of fools
He stripped her of her family’s jewels
‘Twas on her wedding night she died
Snow served grave for the young corpse bride
Foolishness had led to this
Through deception of a single kiss.
Author notes
It was inspired by Tim Burton's film: The Corpse Bride.
Retelling the tale of the corpse brider herself.
Written March 25th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
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I really appreciate the help, it's nice to have someone who doesnt just tell you what you want to hear. I will be taking your advice, because well... it seems to improve things, so thankyou very much.
exes and ohs
carly -
Great work
This is a great poem and the flow was really good, a couple of suggestions - "The knot was tied, he lift his knife", I would suggest maybe using "grabbed his knife" or "pulled his knife", I don't think "lift his knife" makes sense. The other things was "Whether she live or whether she die", just but making it plural I think makes it sounds better "Whether she lives or whether she dies". Anyway these were the things that came to me, otherwise I think it is excellent work -
this is really good! i loved that movie and you could really tell that this was inspired by it, but at the same time, it could just be a cool story to anyone else who hasn't seen the movie. excellent job, and thanks for sharing
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I could tell this was inspired by that movie. I thought you done this really well. 3 Cheers
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