I know a girl who lives her life at the bottom of a bottle,
You only find her with one last swallow.
Many have come and drank their fill, only to leave her for stronger draughts and deeper casks.
The question remains, Should she be spilt out and her bottle shattered against the wall by a strong hand, or should she drown at the bottom in safe seclusion?
You can come and drink your fill until your drunk with her, but your drinking after everyone else.
Your sucking down backwash and slime, your drinking her lust and dying by her arsenic laden, long-necked prison.
So the question pertains...Do you want a free beer everyone has had before, or stay and wait for a cup of the coldest and clearest water your ever wanted?
Author notes
Written March 24th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
enjoyable
i like this it has a great message i enjoyed reading this it makes me think about myself and my friends. its sad i couldnt save it for that person. but i have my regrets we all do this is wonderful i love it. thankyou for sharing your talent. -
I feel a double meaning in this!
Oooh, scandalous!
Great write, I can relate well. I see many people wasting their lives at the bottom of the bottle...or living for the next high. It's sad when that becomes a normal thing to see from today's society.
"Do you want a free beer everyone has had before, or stay and wait for a cup of the coldest and clearest water your ever wanted?"
What a beautiful way to put it. The metaphor and sublminal message that lies deep within these words is powerful. I'm a strong believer in saving yourself for the person you want for the rest of your life, not just one night.
Great write. Keep up the good work. -
superb
I love the metaphor in this. Simply stunning. I do believe young women should wait for marriage. What a great creative write. Keep on penning!
Have a great day!
Babymonkeygirl -
B
really interesting, pretty good, not bad at all! -
Aw damn I feel sorta stupid... I didn't get the figurative side till I read the comments.
BUT... when I read the comments and understood it I reread the poem and
OH MY GOSHHH
you have such talent. And what a wonderful metaphor this is. Really, what inspired it? This is great, I really love it.
And I'm a girl... I'd like to think of myself as the cup of coldest clearest water. This is a great poem you know, 'cause these days there are people who think that, you know, after a certain age if you still have your virginity something's wrong with you but you shed a nice positive light on abstinence, and saving oneself. I really like this piece of writing. Congratulations to you, this is awesome.
I hope that it will inspire some young girls and women to save themselves because the way you present it here? I mean... no one wants to be free beer. Great job.
~noir
~
-
Very inventive metaphor you have used throughout these lines -works very well in this poem - interesting question you leave us with - really do not think there is a choice - although the options are there - most would pick the same answer I think.
-
thortful. pls im me n remind me 2 applause cos i have run out.
this is really philosophical!!
xxxx:]
-
It was interesting, and had a moral which was good. I think a lot of teenagers nowadays need to learn this lesson. I don't believe you have to wait for marriage, but you shouldn't become a slut. It's just disgusting thinking about the "backwash and slime" Maybe I'm not talking of the meaning you meant to send out to the readers. But this is what I saw in it. Keep on writing.
Blessed be,
LeFay -
Many people think of alcohol as a woman, a demon who posseses their soul. The writing was beutifully put and the symbolism so true!
-
First off I have to say how awesomely this was written. I love your use of imagery and meatphor of the bottle that's been drank off by everyone. This is such a great poem with such a great message.
"So the question pertains...Do you want a free beer everyone has had before, or stay and wait for a cup of the coldest and clearest water your ever wanted?"
What a great way to reveal the image presented throughout the poem. I know if I was a guy, I'd want a purified drink...and I'd save her for our wedding night
ANYWAYS...amazing write.....you keep doing your thing! God Bless You♥--Ann
-
Wow...this is a very interesting, intriguing, and powerful poem! The use of metaphor, the imagery, very powerful and well done! Very thought-provoking...the lines:"You can come and drink your fill until your drunk with her, but your drinking after everyone else.
Your sucking down backwash and slime, your drinking her lust and dying by her arsenic laden, long-necked prison.
So the question pertains...Do you want a free beer everyone has had before, or stay and wait for a cup of the coldest and clearest water your ever wanted? " I get the sense that you're talking about a girl who would give herself away, and let you drink your fill, but you wouldnt be the first...others have had their fill as well...and asking..do you want that, or to stay and wait, and save your thirst for the cup of water that you have to wait for, but no one's ever tasted...powerful image.
Interesting, the line "The question remains, Should she be spilt out and her bottle shattered against the wall by a strong hand, or should she drown at the bottom in safe seclusion?" that one has me thinking...I feel for the girl, and think that, while you could be tasting some of her lust, the underlying flavour may be that of desperation, want for love and attention...I'm not sure about the meaning of that line, but i do think that a strong hand needs to free her...the safety at the bottom is an illusion...
Wow
what an intelligent, thought-provoking, creative write! Awesome work! (pst..did you mean 'swallow'?
) You have a great mind and talent in writing
thanks for sharing!
1 - 11 of 11









5 old applause
