I met her standing by the river,
Where tiny leaves were made to quiver
By the gently stroking breeze.
She was gentle, yet forceful,
She was grave, yet beautiful,
In her eyes I found a long lost friend,
Snatched away from me by a fiend.
I suddenly seemed to have
Stumbled in a new world,
That exists in pauses
That is present between words.
I asked her where she came from
Why was she not often in sight?
She took out a piece of paper
In it she did write -
“Wherever words end their loud whisper
Where noises seem to cease
Wherever there is no sound of the echo,
You will find me.”
We met very often,
Became great friends,
I did not know what her name was,
So I called her-
SILENCE.
Author notes
10 options for the creative poet (3):
OPTION 10 -
A. "Many people hear voices when no one is there.
Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stare at the walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing."
-Margaret Chittenden
Written March 24th, 2006
A contest entry
- 4:44 - a n y t h i n g by the chase.
900 points, ended October 26, 2007, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whatever The Hell You Want To Enter [please read the first line] by Nam.
425 points, ended October 21, 2007, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your most popular by Beating.
425 points, ended October 26, 2007, 32 entries
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450 points, ended November 3, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want poems with emotion, by Hope Angel.
380 points, ended December 19, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Silence by KnightOfTheRose.
375 points, ended December 20, 2007, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - FreewritePrewrite by Ryno.
300 points, ended June 5, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 10 options for the creative poet (3) by bananasfoster42.
700 points, ended June 17, 2008, 34 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and everything-prewrites allowed-2nd contest by Midgetbridgey.
350 points, ended July 11, 2008, 245 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Calling ALL Poets! ~ A Poetry Extraveganza by Shassidy.
475 points, ended July 18, 2008, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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awesome poem! great take on the quote. thanks for the entry!
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I didn't really like the random rhyme scheme; it really took away from the pieces fluency and the overall feeling of it... I wanted this piece to feel mysterious but with the rhymes it just felt a bit sloppy.
Besides that it was a cool idea to try to depict silence through the perception of a magical kinda being.
Needs work on some imagery a litte, but this piece has some nice potential.
Thanks for the entry! -
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Thanks for the comment, i agree sometimes the rhyming does seem a little forced. I will recheck it and make changes if i feel necessary.
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Very nice poem! I enjoyed it! Thank you for entering! Excellent work and the best of luck in my contest!
-Steve- -
That is very creative... I absolutly loved it. Great job and good luck in my contest!
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Great write good luck in girlish's contest
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Yes this is very mysterious. Good luck in my contest.
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this is so mysterious. I really like how you describe this world, because it seems so wonderful and so without time and sound, and you made me want to go there. Yet it's all still so mysterious. I love it!
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Thanks!!!!!
These comments really encourage me a lot!!
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Nicely done, Silence is sometimes the only friend we have in life, it's then we listen for God's voice. Bless you...Scott
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Thank You so much for going through my poem.
Your comments are indeed very encouraging.
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"Where tiny leaves were made to quiver,
By the gently stroking breeze."
This part seems to read as an enjambment, if it is indeed an enjambment, I do not believe the comma would go after "quiver".
I felt some of the rhyming was a tad weak in some lines, feel you could rework it to sound more fluid. Also, the structure seemed off, I felt that that could be tightened a bit.
Other than that: a nice poem that you have written here.
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Thanks for going through the poem. It was an enjambment,the comma was not applicable.
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I feel that the afterthought I received from this piece is a lovely one, but the structure of the piece itself may need a little work.
Also, in line 2 the first "were" should be "where". -
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Thank you so much for going through the poem. You are absolutely right, I did not notice the error. I will surely reflect on your suggestion.
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Haha, that sounded sarcastic. But okay. You're welcome.
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It wasn't sarcastic!
I actually did not expect an error in the usage of a word in my poem so I was a bit taken aback.
But thanx for pointing it out!
I have corrected it! -
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Okay then,
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i feel great about this write its very nice!!!!! i liked it a lot, very real and i like the flow to it!!! good work and keep it up
much loviiin
from Ryaaaaan
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