Protect Me From What I Desire

I stand here now in jeopardy every hour
obsessed with a past I cannot expunge.
I am terrified I am bereft of any power
to prevent yet another inevitable plunge.

If I were to know the price to be paid for
peace of heart and mind, would I agree?
I fear I am ill and dishonest to the core,
and my own nature is repugnant to me.

What can one make of someone in love
with disaster, what can one possibly do?
The consequences you fail to rise above
will eventually bring on the end of you.

So I need protection from what I desire,
I plead that my pains are finally relieved.
These are the goals that I claim to desire,
but I blame no one if I cannot be believed.