solid
you had a fine
mind
cut in oyster shapes
by kelp fingers
and
you grew back like
starfish;
resourceful as matadors
with legs like rivers of milk
and as firm as
a warm
hill
the doctors;
they gave back
your shoes
your tongue
your identity
laid out in pills
as white as your laugh
until you became
usual
as footsteps
down quiet
hallways
you were no airplane
bound for god
or nips of brandy;
you had children
dollar stores
bible classes
&
me
so
what could frozen water
bays of moonlight
offer
to a figure
as solid
as a
sigh?
Author notes
Part I
Please read Part II: sheer
allpoetry.com/poem/1900037
Subject is on the two sides of suicide.
...for Teresa...I still miss you...
Gold
Written March 23rd, 2006
A contest entry
- In memory of those you miss :) by LeilaJayne.
300 points, ended August 4, 2008, 28 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
-
Suicide bothers me just by the very nature of the subject, but I have to admit you have done an amazing job on this. It's odd that life is so short but so many end it prematurely. It's a strange world we live in. In any case, you've done a good job on an extremely difficult subject.
-
Okay, your poetry gives me the chills. Almost no one writes poetry that gives me the chills, much less any other feeling. This is so defined. Both voices are so clearly defined in these two poems. It is astounding. I hope you are publishing your work somewhere or putting together a book. You could call it: Voices. Just have the poems go back and forth talking to one another as you have just done. It would be a mind blower and a heart shaker.
-
*applaud* VERY interesting comparisons...love it mua much
"pills as white as your laugh" that part was awesome
amazing work
~Adrasteia -
This is an amazing work of art here. I am completely stunned by how impressed I am. I knew when I saw your name that I would no regret reading this piece. You amaze me everytime I read your work. Anyway, gorgeous piece here with an outrageous amount of emotion. Also, I must agree that the hint of mystery is one of the beauties of this.
-
The imagery is amazing here Darcy. I love the second stanza, and can relate to a life given back, even if it is a medicated life. The last stanza says more between the lines than what is written on the surface. I must sigh after reading this.
Exquisite!
Much Love,
Renee
-
Oh hell, I get it too well. You write it too well. May I please have my heart back? You ripped it right out of me in the last stanza. Your ability is a double edged sword. The way you convey story, nuance, and image grants you access to the innards of a discerning reader. This is too well done. Oh hell.
-
God do I like this piece, the last stanza alone is enough to get me emotional. This is so well crafted and strong, gotta love it. Great work.
Al -
Thank you...glad you enjoyed the flavor.
-
Hmmm... I can see what you mean by it not really being "accessible" to everyone else, but in truth I think that is part of the beauty of this work. The imagery is unique and astounding... very thick and visual. Your wording and metaphor are very clever. Sort of a piece you have to chew on for awhile... thanks for the snack !
Warmly,
ST
Edited on Mar 25, 11:14 because ''. -
lol
Very cute comment...and normally it irritates the hell out of me when someone doesn't 'get' it...but then again, this is a personal piece and so therefore not completely accessible to everyone on this site aside from the ones that are in my inner circle. But in your case, I'll make an exception as I find your confusion very adorable and hope that one day you will understand and be made a better man for it!
That being said...welcome to AP!
-
Amazing work. Deep content heavy with metaphors. I love the last 3 stanzas.. I like the first as well though the imagery was lost on me. Congrats on a great piece and best of luck in the contest.
-
I have to admit that I am still very new, and seem to fall under that category of people who doesn't quite get all that's going on here. But I now have something to look to, and my goal will be to one day be able to understand this poem! I am sure I'll be made a better man for it!
Best of luck in the contest.
-Tim -
hey its very unusal....but nonetheless quite impressive....i like the comparison of the recovered person being as solid as a sigh.
-
What I like the most about this poem is the last two verses. It's all very clearly written in your own poetic voice, but these last two seem to have a particularly special power. Not sure what else to say... your poetry always inspires strong emotions in me.
~Diana -
I am sorry for I do not really understand this. I am sure the feelings behind it are real, and I wish I did understand.
-
this is a very well written piece using nice imagary and metaphors throughout it well done indeed!!!
love and lightt
blazee -
hands you a dirty martini
Tis okay, m'pet...any comment from your illustrious fingers makes my day complete! Thank you...and I hope that you'll check out the companion piece to this. It's the response to this piece and actually my real fave of the two. lol
-
Evolution: you go from sea to land with life to death by white laughs and pills and footsteps. I wish you could enter OUR contest!!!
NO FAIR!! -
O dont like all the adjectives right at the beginning, "you had a fine
mind
cut in oyster shapes
by kelp fingers"
I feel like I have 100 oysters in my mouth when I try to say it aloud. But maybe that's just me being silly because I am having a love affair always with the Adjective-man. Do you remember the good ol' days when the Adjective-Man showed up at your house with brand new ones, like the Milk Man?
In my experience, sighs are actually quite solid because they usually come in the form of more baggage in my life.
Ah, I really need to get really super drunk. I think I'm depressed and I am leaving you a horrible comment.
~H. -
You are perhaps the most @#$! writer I read here (smile) Do you EVER write anything horrible? I truly enjoy the various wys you employ language to suit your needs. Wonderful writing!
-
Awesum!!!!
becoz Im thick (my brain is solid and dense) I cant claim to actually understand this, but I love it to peices!! -
This is another excellent entry to the contest. I liked the deliciously incongruous imagery in this...only place I stumbled was the semicolon after "doctors" in second strophe! A transcendental work of high class!
D -
Great Dichotomy
Some of your writes leave me scratching my head in wander.
Some leave me scratching it in wonder.
This one...as well its counterpart leave me scratching it in wonderment. -
Darcy - you've done well with this to show the beauty of the mind and how the disease that lurks within can take over and drive them over the edge. Your praisings and word choices are beyond brilliant and I am convinced you keep getting better. I honestly didn't think it was possible - but I was wrong.
-
I have this favourite song by Antony and the Johnsons.. called Cripple and the Starfish.. (( you must find it and listen)) you will know why this piece moved me so!!!
Darcy ... you have captured how suicide of a loved one makes us think of all the small nuances that made that person and what pushed them to that sorry edge ..
some amazing lines in this.. too many for me to mention.. but please, find the song and let me know if it moves you as it does me..
Loved this
Adding your comment:
1 - 25 of 25
21 old applause
