sheer
i had a mind
fine as salt taffy
pulled
over and over;
thinned and stretched
sweet
and
i grew back like wild
fungus,
a piece of moving
death;
evergreen
yes,
but gray
underneath
the doctors;
they bought me
time
papers
lies;
their judas pills
silver-hued
and thirty years
too
late
i
hate
this
more
than
god
because it is
the usual
served on
wheat toast
o.j.
and
nintendo;
all those bible studies
that watch as
i pray
alone
so
now i am
tired
of explaining
while this water is
waiting
&
you cannot
save me
no more than
sheer can
describe a
stone
Author notes
Part II
Please read Part I: solid
allpoetry.com/Poem/1900041
Subject concerns the two sides of suicide.
Gold
Written March 23rd, 2006
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1 - 13 of 13
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Well, lady you do know how to use simple words to create a magnificent sense of despair and tension. This is brilliantly written and so harrowing at the same time. I could feel myself as your narrator in this piece that is how well you bring your audience into the poem. We become one with it. Your talent is not easily matched here. I am sure part two will be just as stunning. Thank you for entering these two poems into the contest and setting the pace.
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very good........especially after reading the first, chilling almost
i love it ......... love the "grey underneath".....gives an overall feeling to the whole poem that wouldn't be there normally
awesome again
~Adrasteia -
"all those bible studies
that watch as
i pray
alone"
This line is more spiritual than meets the eye of the reader. Layers lie beneath these words and yes, they are "gray underneath. You work is always brilliant. As a matter of fact it inspires me. The best to you in this challenge. I love both sides of your story.
Always,
Renee
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Thank you...
For I am broken too...
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This time I read your last comment and discovered this was as I had feared. I was trying to tell myself it was not specific.
It seems only yesterday her picture was on my page, and so many others. Then we were trying to write away the darkness.
I sort of hate that these twin works twine together to present possibly your best work. Why is it that so many of us write our best as if they spring forth from the depth of wounds.
Shit, I'm broken. That is the best compliment I can muster right now.
Peace
Rob -
As always, your kind comments are deeply appreciated. And yes, this is a response to my cousin's suicide last year. The first part was my reasoning that she had everything to live for...and this part is her reply of no...there is not. It was very hard for me to come up with this piece because I still, even to this day, do not know why she did it. But in a way, this has helped me at least see her side of it...even if it was just a glimpse.
Again, thank you.
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This truly seems to have a strong connection with "solid", yet they are different poems standing for themselves. And they both still bring something new to complete the other. I know I couldn't say there is one of this two I like more than the other.
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"Carat-heavy"
Sigh. Even your comments are pure poetry.
I hate you.
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How do I illustrate a scream here, how do i make despair?
I know how this feels--I've been too close to that edge.
Great compression--your diamond sharp word choice is carat-heavy. -
Imagery is deliciously incongruous, once again. Tension is perfect and the ethereal splendor is used upto the boundaries. A very good job!
D -
Man alive woman... your words give me goosebumps some times. I can smell that fungus all over the place now.
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Excellent again, is this to be a continuing series? I think it is some of your best work, but I will probably keep saying that as you post more.
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Ohh my... the end lines.. how sheer cannot describe a stone.. she must have felt so very, very cold and alone at the end and this tore at my heart as it must do yours; still to this day...
I completely understand her poem The Big Ugly whilst reading these two poems hun...
amazing..
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