"I've lived longer than I intended," that's what she
Whispered to me as we walked, arm in arm, as man and wife
Down the aisle.
But there was a smile in the old eyes. And we
Were not on our way to marry
But rather late for our dinner date
Best not to tarry.
And as I helped her up the step
I wondered if she saw, in her mind
A carriage, a marriage?
The neighbours that she's known
Are now most gone
The numbers she's befriended!
A life so long, a heart so strong!
The broken hearts she's mended.....
Author notes
Written March 23rd, 2006
A contest entry
- Mothering Sunday by Vera Rich.
300 points, ended March 31, 2006, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Wednesdays at Winklings by Lyndon.
875 points, ended December 3, 2007, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Well, Keith, we celebrate our 45th
in 3 weeks or so. I hope we are on time!
Yes, your sentiments ring true. And the presentation is quite interesting, friend.
Your rhyme is natural but poetically effective and communicative. Thank you. Ron
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Lovingly written about a kind and caring woman. I bet she saw "carriage", with her prince assisting her in!
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Pretty, but it would be better (in my humble opinion)to describe who the other half of "we" is, It felt incomplete.
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A beautiful poem about a beautiful woman. I like the rhyme which links the beginning and the end.
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Yes !
and my emotions drifted many places in this short but dramatic poem. I liked it and my only suggestion would be to left align it rather than center it. I feel that the presentation for free verse sometimes works better that way and then you can play with it by moving ending words that really make the mind think.
joy
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quite beautiful, in a characters remberances, I do love this very much, it has that sweet and humble beauty of silent and adoring charm.
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This is a really sweet poem. I like how the woman described is not in the present but who she used to be.
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So much packed into such a short write. You show a great sensitivity to this situation. Each stanza expresses what is written, and eludes to so much beneath the surface of what it says. Her living longer than she intened, shows her own fight with depression and lonliness. The loneliness of old age, I think should be listed as the number one killer of those over 60. Most are widowed, and daily reading obits of their close friends More than you think are out living, or estranged from family. Those few Bettys' out there who reach out , and lift that loneliness for themselves and others,even for a little while do alot more than they think. We will all be there someday.
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Very nice poem. You pictured a nice story with words here. It keeps me wondering, who is that lady? Is it your mother, your aunt or just an old lady. Can be anybody, but she must be very old for her neighbours are long gone, you said. Well done. Anna.
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Extraordinary Writing
An extraordinary poem for an extraordinary person. --Ellis -
Yes, but even if the lady in question happens to be a mother, she seems to be presented here in her capacity of a WIFE.
I suppose the opening could be read as meaning that the couple are walking LIKE man and wife- though they are in reality mother and son... but that really does seem a little forced and/or Oedipal.
So, sorry, but I do not feel it really belonged in this competition! -
As I grow older I appreciate self-stimulation more and more. But that is as it has always been. But before we did not know.
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You said a lot in one word here, chili. Much appreciated.
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It's an odd thing, Time. We look back, we look forward, we only succeed in staying in the same place. Your dad sounds a great guy. I remember my own Dad singing his old school song, and talking about the quality of the porridge they served. He's no longer around: well, mum's no' either to be honest. But that makes no odds. We hold these memories in the secure safe of the heart, don't we? Best wishes, pal.
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I think she'll see it in her own way. I'm glad you liked it. Best Wishes to you, and to all mothers.
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Extraordinary, Keith. She is lucky to have someone who sees her and knows all this. I particularly like the pause before the last line. She is worth her weight in gold.
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there was such a lot of love in this short verse. A great tribute to a wonderful mum, I hope you let her see it
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Ah, mothers are great. The poem, simple in its words, are far more reaching in it's scope. Having made it this far in life, I'm beginning to look into the past with a sense of nostalgia and melancholy...and I see that here also.
She sounds like a wonderful woman. -
Oh yeah¡! I think my father is of a like mind, it is only in the last few years he has stopped telling me, “I won’t make old bones son!” He will be ninety this year. He did rather take to the film producer he saw a few years ago who was celebrating his hundredth birthday – when asked to what he attributed his longevity he replied – “I don’t know – but if I’d know I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself!” You’ve gotta love ‘em¡!
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Beautiful.
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