Not this time

ive never been good at being 'just Friends'
something inside me always longs for more
but this time its harder than ever
because its different. i didnt want for this to happen.
not this time. not now.
he doesnt know about the smile he puts on my face
consequently i rarely notice it myself
it comes upon me suddenly &and unexpectedly
many times i dont know how to react
its just there. a big wide smile
accompanied by eyes that glitter with happiness
echoed by his hypnotizing glance.
but why do things happen this way?
ive never wanted him before this.
hes just been another boy.
another friend and nothing more.
or so he used to be..now it seems so different.
but i cant want him. i shouldnt want him. its not right.
not now.
we're so much alike in so many ways
but is he the right one for me?
i dont have an answer for that. many would say yes
but not the ones who have in the past already been hypnotized by him.
no, i am sure they would disagree.
they are the ones who long for his hand to hold.
im starting to understand why..i think.
im not too sure yet.
are these feelings real? SOMEONE PLEASE ENLIGHTEN ME!
lately hes all i think about.
what makes this one so special?
i dont know what to think right now.
does he ever think of me?
all he has to do is ask and ill give him my heart
but i suppose he will never know to ask
because ..after all..it is the secret within my heart
why do i always want the ones i cant have?
it only makes life more difficult.
loving him will only complicate things
i cannot deny my heart
i cannot betray my friends.
so where do i draw the line between the can's and cant's
where do i allow myself to say yes
and where must i hold myself back
letting my own heart bleed
while allowing the dreams of others to come true.
i dont want to intrude.making it impossible for the hearts of others to be whole
..i dont wish to break a heart..
but do i have that option?
ive come to a very troublesome spot.
will someone help me out of this?
no? thats exactly what i thought .
i guess this is one i have to work out on my own.