gherkin
skyscrapers
fading flashes of light
clamouring starless night skies
dwarf
iris filled fields
and gave way
to the white windswept race
where
Monet wept
on the empty street
my stomache turned to a new beat
stellas quickstepped to a mighty rhythm
too much information
but its the information age, love
you can gait prate and bait your way
right up to the pearly gates
youre talking bout your generation
where im talking bout the separation of church and rock n roll
its hiphoprisy
and I hitch a subway
all the way to the middle east
Democracy; the gift that keeps on giving
O, sama lehkhum
give me a coloured world
i write from the drizzled snowbank
with nothing but my soul
and the famous pink pen (out of ink)
to fend with
quickly
before it melts
the media is sex
does anyone care to care?
"not I"
said the dreaded poet
upon the completion of his new last stanza
Author notes
Hello, all. Its been a busy life for myself-- never too busy for poetry! Its good to be back...
Written March 19th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This was a great piece and I really enjoyed the speaker of this poem. Your allusions to culture were great as well. On a technical level, I really dug it, but there were some spots that need touching up. You do what I do in my poetry. You like "doin'" that. shortenin' and cuttin' down words. That's fine, I'm not criticising you on that. But your capitalization.
"stellas quickstepped to a mighty rhythm" You got me all confused. Is it really supposed to be "stellas quickstepped" or is it "Stellas' quickstepped" Or even Stella's quickstepped." You really had me hooked, but this line threw me off. Despite that, great work, good luck in the contest.
-Richard j. -
I loved this piece. I'm glad you're back I've missed you my friend.
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great write
nice job like the line of thinking here...geat imagery it flows and feels good....i enjoyed reading this one love the into with the gherkin...eat ya heart out ron .......that was brilliant. -
This poem has some really fresh transitions throughout it. I loved the imagery and the hot pink font over rust just accentuated the actual flavor of the poem.
O, sama lehkhum
I just thought in this line, if you were intending the Arabic greeting, that you would want to change it to Salamu Aleikum - right now you're saying "sky to you" with a weird accent
Edited on Mar 19, 4:33 p.m. because ''. -
You have some quite cool imagery and language here, which is nice, but to be honest, I don't quite understand what's going on. I think I need to read this a few more times before I even vaguely start to understand. I found the start quite funny, but then doesn't everyone find the word "gherkin" funny? No? Just me then.
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