I'm 14 years old
And what's to say?
Life's so whatever
And school is gay
Except for Jonny Plums
He's got passion...
He's hung like Jesus
And up on fashion
He told me that
He "loved my cheers"
While at Tina Tuna's -
- party, bonging beers
I stared into
his deep blue eyes
"Lets go up stairs
Give it a try?"
He said with all sincerity
And just like that
Went my virginity
And would you believe
I wasn't his first?
And that's not even
the part that's the worst
Jonny Plums'
seeds were slow
Now I've a son
with a helmet and 'fro
as big as me
and twice as dumb
And why!?
Jonny never made me come
Author notes
Written March 18th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Teenage Pregnancy by .
400 points, ended March 19, 2006, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Lol... I think there's a Louwanda in most every young boys life... and a Jonny in most every young girl's.
Your poem, for me, Jeremi is a slice of real life as well as a humorous story. I enjoyed it very much...besides reminding me of my youth, it's an entertaining piece on a serious subject.....Good job
And good luck in the contest
Dee
PS...just for the record.. I didn't have a teenage pregnancy....well, unless you want to count my first son when I was 19, who was born one year and 4 months after I was married ...lol.. jsut wanted to clarify that little detail
Edited on Mar 20, 3:24 p.m. because ''. -
Psh!
I'm a "fucked-up idiot?" Nice diction. I "wouldn't know poetry if it slapped [me] in the face, let alone being a decent human being?" Nice grammar. Are you aware that you have just proven yourself wrong? In so doing, you've also proven my point.
I'll say it again: 1/8 ounce cannabis (hydroponic, if possible), 1 box Hostess Twinkies, and at least one Pink Floyd CD. Sub in Bob Marley, Jimi Hendrix, or The Greatful Dead if necessary. You see, Petrucci can strum, and "The Camel" can drum, but that singer and his lyrics are D-grade at best.
Don't forget that you're the one who picked the fight in the first place. Nevertheless, please come and kick my whipper-snapping ass, if it'll make that vein in your forehead stop pulsing.
Do you know the best way to recognize the asshole in a given conversation? He's the one doing all the ranting and cursing.
Love,
Your red-headed step-child
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For one split second there Jeremi, I thought you'd written me a poem... and just for that I think you should... in time for my birthday on Thursday.
This was funny... reminded me of an incident that my 8 year old told me about today... yesterday, while he was playing soccer with his brother at the local pitch, some teenagers asked him if he wanted to blow up their balloon... which he said was covered in dog poo and looked as if someone had peed in it. After establishing that he hadn’t actually touched the thing, I explained to him that it most likely wasn’t a balloon at all but a used condom... at which point his 10 year old brother chipped in... “I thought as much... the way they were carrying it on the end if a long stick, kind of gave it away.” Ahh kids eh... bless ‘em!
I have no idea why your poem reminded me of this... maybe it was the teenager/condom connection... I dunno... maybe I just wanted to share my little anecdote and you were the unfortunate soul that had to have it. That’ll teach you to semi use my name in one of your titles!
As usual some entertaining commentary to go with your equally entertaining poem!
Hope you and yours are well! ..xx
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Hey Vaseline. You don't have a clue. To me...you are a fly on my windshield of life. So please, just shut the hell up. You really are just making yourself look more stupid.
Just what makes you think any of this is real? God help you if you do.
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Oh buddy boy, why did you block me? Did you happen to read my poetry and see that I am billions of times better than you and that simply scared you off? I may be a 'fuckhead' but atleast I never showed off a celebrity as being my wife. Next time you are utterly pinned to the floor by someone's harsh words, go take a beer or something. Coming back with someone lamer than what you started off with isn't very convincing.
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Sheer brilliance! NOW THAT deserves a gold. Now if only that passion could be scrubbed with Ajax...wow. As I said...NEXT! Oh...look here...a man who claims to be what?! Who would LIE about being a veteran from the Johnson Administration as a special OP soldier? In AP? NAH!
Sorry Horus and Co.; this I have to see. Peace out brothers! -
Morgan, YES, I know.
It's like "will I ever sleep again?". -
I believe it's a two chord song so you're golden
try F and G, or C and G. -
I don't understand, why again would you be wailing on me if I were your son?
I mean beyond the obvious anger issues, pedophilia, and homosexual repression
that so blissfully floats off of your being like a swarm of blot flies from a cow patty.
I actually believe that anything is acceptable, and here's why:
1. This is America
2. Poetry and art are uncensorable
3. This poem really happens
4. By offering a humorous view into the lives of teenage folly
we deal with the crisis in a more open minded fashion,
that's why we have comedy, satire, and tragedy.
To offset and balance one another.
As a poet, I'm amused and thrilled that my poem has bothered you,
and exposed you for an ignorant fool that literally thinks this poem
defines me as a person. It's the direct opposite reaction as the
folks that have read the poem and actually think I am a 14 year old pregnant teen.
It's a cultural curse for idiots, investigate 10% make up the other 90%
with monkey noises and fecal matter throwing.
See that's how lazy we our as a people. You call me egomaniacle?
If I'm all ego why do I support such charaties on my author's page
as unicef, pediatric AIDS, children of the night, shelters for the
homeless? Oh I see, you didn't read that part, you just kind of fucking glanced
at the poem and my author page and came away with what you
wanted to believe about me. Truth be known, you're clueless
and frankly so out to lunch it doesn't surprise me that you know
absolutely northing about poetry, anthropology, sociology,
or psychology. Our president and most Americans do the same thing.
Like spoiled children whining all day, and shoving fries down your fat
face holes. Let me ask you something, when a director makes
a movie about murder, mayhem, and death does that mean that's what he
or she represents? When a cook makes an omellette for an order at table 7
does that mean omelletes are all the cook knows how to make?
I'm sure you're a wonderful man, don't let my poem bug you, I've been pissing
people off professionally longer than you've had that hemroid bitching and
moaning from the bill of your asshat. I'm sure on another planet in
another time I'd still be smarter, better looking, and more open minded than you.
That's called Karma, and check mate.
Edited on Mar 19, 1:20 p.m. because ''. -
Damn! Did you take a bullet? I AM SO IMPRESSED. Stick with the music hor-ass. I can at least say it's better than the SHIT on the radio. Do you REALLY think this is acceptable in this contest? Wait- I forgot- you and your egomaniacs (Nice name for your band!) feed off this shit, and on slamming old ladies and others who are doing the best they can in here.
Take your pal Justbe as well. You damn right if you were my sons I'd be wailing your bitchy asses.
Now go home.
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Grow up human wannabe. Stay within your egomaniac cliques and screw off. Later LOSERS AND POSERS. As for Horus, his talent lies in his music, not his obvious lead-head. Assholes. You wouldn't know poetry if it slapped you in the face, let alone being a decent human being.
Why don't you guys find a place to play? Huh? Bunch of fucked-up idiots. -
okay now that i cleared that, i must tell you this was simply hilarious, and if i knew more than 4 cords on the guitar, i would strum and sing with this!
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jeremi? no talent? hehehehehe thanks for the laugh dumbass
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yuk yuk
Sorry your poem didn't win the contest, Jeremi. I know this loss must hit you very hard indeed. Truly, my condolences.
~Morgan -
To Theater Of Dreams:
You make such a fool of yourself. You don't like a poem, so you assail the author's talent and character in public, then insinuate not-too-subtly that he should be shot at? Well, trigger, if that's what you call class, don't invite me to any of your parties out there in the moral highlands. If art offends you, that's your own damned problem.
And if I saw you kicking your son's ass, I'd call 5-0. Then they'd cart your ass off to society's real armpit; we all know what they do to asses in there! Go get yourself an eighth of an ounce, a box of Twinkies, and some Pink Floyd, before that anger problem of yours gets you into real trouble.
Sincerely,
Hunter S. Thompson -
Damn it Louwanda, could've used that helmet earlier. (I can't believe some people actually think you're Louwanda, hahahaha..wait...hahahaha) I guess it's somewhat of a compliment, you have maintained the 14 year old black girl lingo/mindset throughout so well that people mistake the speaker for the author, either that or your target audience is fucking slow.
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Hmm... I don't know what to think of this poem... Different, I guess... Thankyou for entering
~Ash~ -
Wisdom like this at 14. You must have had the jump start course. So young to have your life changed so. And yet now more aware than you could ever imagine. Best of luck to you - and your poem certainly brings out wisdom for others.
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how times have changed...it used to be girls thought they got pregnant if they kissed a guy using tongue...now it's ok, long as they don't come...hey im rhyming! i feel a poem coming on...got to go...
oh this poem...loved it... why? who the hell knows...same reason you wrote it i guess ~tryst
i give you applause, for the title
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I thought this was hilarious! Also,kinda weird.But hey it made me laugh.I'll give ya two thumbs up.
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You're not the sharpest plow in the field are you.
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Well! I am dumbfounded at how matter of fact you have made it sound. But I guess u r the one with the son! So, life's fair after all!
All the luck!
Abhi -
I think if you authored a contest about teenage pregnancy you'd get down to the bottom of why you repress so much anger. You obviously are the product of one.
Also, I don't have to worry about being drafted, I'm already a retired veteran of the first gulf war, asshat. -
It's TROLL FODDER.
Utter garbage. But I expected no less from someone with delusions of grandeur and no talent. Females should see you Author's page. If you were my son, I would kick your ass.
No class. No respect. Fresh from the armpit of humanity.
If I authored this contest, I'd flame this rot.
Can't they draft this guy for service in Iraq?
-Marshall Good. -
This should be included in every school health class. It is very smart and true and a fine poem. They could instruct girls about how dumb it is go have sex and risk getting pregnant and how you can end up with a dumb son. This poem is really very entertaining and cute. I like it a great, big LOT!
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ha ha ha ha ha ha, hilarious i loved loved it it made me laugh
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