He ponders the immenseness of his ass
in the reflection of his banana yellow
VW rabbit's hubcap.
"I'd better lay off the Taco Bell" he quips
to his wire haired terrier, Cash.
(Named after his lack of it, not the singer)
Scott looks over at the thermometer
on top of the bank
101
"Geeze... So much for a churro" He mutters
"We'd better get some Gin and Virginia Slims"
On the way home Scott lets the top down
and blasts Toad & The Wet Sprocket.
Pulling his fingerless leather gloves
out of the center console along with his
favorite pair of 1982 Vaurnet sunglasses
Scott throws it in 5th gear, and makes his
way past warbling mirage, deprived Indians, and blooming cacti
back to his leased condominium and
job at the Liquor Creek Golf Course/
Retirement Compound. Where Scott
(when not selling life insurance)
is a death and activities counselor.
He parks his car and makes his way to
the automatic doors. They open with
a "peeyoush" and spray of fly-die.
Gertrude, the afternoon front desk nurse
gives Scott a knowing wink and smile.
Scott gives her the big double index finger
click "right back at ya babe".
Scott reaches his desk, shuts his door
with a heave of relief,
pulls out his bottle and pours himself
a nice lukewarm glass of gin.
Clicks on his computer
logs onto Mallpoetry.com
and writes the best love poem ever.
EVER! It has metaphors, and
bathos, and EVEN honesty.
Scott, very pleased with himself, lights
up a smoke, exits his office, and
heads to the pool to teach yet
another jam packed hour of synchronized swimming!
It appears that Scott is indeed
The last Renaissance man alive.
Couples in Arizona are sleeping better
now. Knowing that Scott is going to
make grandma and grandpa's trip
into oblivion that much more comfortable.
Because, with the proper breathing, stretching
and love poetry, even death is leery.
Author notes
The second in my series 'Broke Ass Mounting'
Starring Scott and Horus8, but unlike Scott I
won't be selling my stories on Tropicalrainforest.com
Because, I'm not blinded by Gin & Love
And I can't keep a good secret.
Written March 18th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Parody, Technique and Humor; Show off your Skill and Wit! Lots of options!! Learn and Laugh! by Bad Poet.
1050 points, ended December 7, 2007, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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I hope you will not be in any way offended when I say I didn't really understand much of this; many of the references were lost on me, much as the local references in some of my own mighty works are lost on readers. However the reference to synchronised swimming is something very dear to my heart: I have long been a fan of synchronised golden showers.
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Yeah? Well, I often read your work to employees as punishment,
and pleasure Of course I'm the one pleased since I'm the boss.
And they look at me like dogs honing in on strange noises. -
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I am honoured by that. Which part of California do you live in? I might be tempted to write a poem for you to commemorate how my uncle Magnolia got buggered to death there. It was a case of dead broke ass.
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Please check the contest rules and add a link or the actual poem you are making a parody of to qualify for this contest before it can be judged.
Although, I do susect upon reviewing the comments that this is a parody of two people and not an actual parody of a work of literature, and may not fit the criteria for this particular contest. It is well done though! I wish I knew the backstory... But if in fact it has a piece to go along with it, please include, I'd love to have it in the judging. -
So you are saying that if I'm "serious" (in my manner of writing this 'poem', or in it's overall universal meaning), then it would be funny? I would think that if I wasn't trying to be funny? I'd be an idiot. I'm glad you're on their side, that makes sense.
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Hmmm... hopefully you weren't trying to be funny with this. If you were, you failed.
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No, I spelt it wrong because I'm a fucking idiot in an adonis on borrowed time.
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did you spell renaissance wrong on purpose to prove that he really wasn't?
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I needed an afternoon break from work, and the 3 cigarettes downstairs in the alley didn't cut it. Thank you for the smile.
Anna -
YOUR WELCOME
right back at ya -
Thanks, we love you too.
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horus u are the best in the west! Your words strong and your ways, beautiful. I am so glad that i can always read one of your poems and it puts a smile and a laugh in me! wishing you nothing but the best! Nothing but love for ya babeh!
rhiannon -
hilarious
Merry meet,
I loved this. I snicker devlishly and almost spout tea our my nose when I read this:
Where Scott
(when not selling life insurance)
is a death and activities counselor
This is pure magic and devilment in equal amounts. I be sure to let my parents know to steer clear of "the Liquor Creek Golf Course/Retirement Compound" while they live in Arizona or at the very least not to take water aerobics when there.
gigle
Amythest -
Is this Scott a reincarnate of Hobbes? I wonder. I see a sense of chaos and disorderness in the whole narrative, which I am sure is purposeful. Though am not a fan of magical realism school, but then think your writings have an inclination towards them...
D -
nice entry..enojyed the read..glad i clicked on it!
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well, see what I mean... you should have had a double... no more pain
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I've never had much luck with black russians, let a lone the white ones...
I still bare the scar of my first and last black russian, my circumcision. -
Both, OBVIOUSLY.
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Well, serious or not, Jeremi, I found this to be very entertaining...see, even serious can be humorous if we open our minds enough... but you know that already
And it's only in between the serious stuff that it got amusing, honest.
I personally wouldn't mind a bottle of vodka and one of Kahlua... those black russians are the best pain killer I know of...well the best among the enjoyable ones anyway.
Superbly written, a collection?... I must check that out.
*HUG*
Dee
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When you say he has a Sole, do you mean the bottom of a shoe, or does he actually have a big piece of fish?
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I hope the two of you are very happy.
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It isn't you, My Scott has a Sole.
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Kinda? This one really made me giggle, this is wonderful!
Thanks for making my day.
Excellent writing by the way!
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Please don't laugh at Scott, or my poem to Scott,
Because you're not allowed to laugh. This is Serious stuff.
Scott and I take OUR poetry extremely SERIOUSLY. Got it! -
Yes - now I am waiting for the funny parts. I'll have to come back to this collection and see if you can manage to keep it alive. If I were in love, or if I actually drank gin, I would think this might be about me - whoever it is about must be someone you love and envy very much.
Scott -
This made me laugh, well done. I dont really know what else to say, other than its funny and well...yeah. I liked it.
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This poem actually kinda made me laugh:S
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Great write, would have loved to read more. Liked the imagry of this one. Very descriptive and thoughtful piece. Great job!
Adding your comment:
1 - 28 of 28
7 old applause
