Not Supposed To Be
I can't remember the speedy fall,
Or the pain when the hook took it's bite.
I can't remember something so wrong,
That had ever seemed so right.
Murphy's law or destiny.
The song remains the same.
You have to lose to learn to win,
It's all a part of the game.
I asked you if you'd pinch me,
And now of course I see.
The reason I thought I was dreaming,
Was because It's not supposed to be!
I can't remember the speedy fall,
Or the pain when the hook took it's bite.
I can't remember something so wrong,
That ever seemed so right!
Author notes
option #4
s h a k e s - s p e a r
A contest entry
- Options. Points will be added later. by Nicotine Eyes.
300 points, ended November 4, 2008, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I need a release by thearmsofsorrow.
700 points, ended August 17, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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the last two liness are perfect, seriously
thanks for the entry
xxx
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I really liked this.
Loved the flow of it.
great write, thanks for entering and of course good luck in my contest
Xxx
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Short, yet to the point. I like that. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!!!
Megan -
Your poem made me lose
lol does anyone know of the game?
its a horrible game lol anyways good poem i liked it
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Well Done my brother!
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well this peace has alot of controversy around it what where you writing about exacly here well all in all it was a good write with a lot of thought into it best of luck
veronica -
well I think this is a winner but I am biesed coz you`re my bro. How on earth did you write thid from the perspective of a fish? Now that is clever in anyones eyes... Again fandabby dosy
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very nice poem. I really enjoyed the content and how well it flowed. Great work!
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Excellent Writing
Poor precious little fisheys.
I'm not hooked on fishing
Where it is the mission
To put them out of commission
I will let them swim
And be good to them
I am for catching men
With Jesus I begin
---Ellis
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Excellent write, another outstanding one you have penned..Good luck in the contest..Brenda
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Exellent write hugs
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Bravo!
I love this poem and the writing syle. The only thing I found that I would change is that I wished it was longer so I could read more. Bravo! Blissimo! -
Wonderfully done, my brother! You are so very talented! I wish you the best of luck in the contest; this is a very enjoyable read! Love and hugs, Sandy
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Well as I read it it reminded me of a fish
who got caught in a hook,
and that is not the way it is supposed to be,
Fish are supposed to live and wonder the great lakes
and oceans,
Of course I could be wrong, but, that is what I found
in this unique write,
Thanks for sharing
FrozenTears -
Really interesting poem, here. I really like this stanza:
Murphy's law or destiny.
The song remains the same.
You have to lose, to learn to win,
It's all a part of the game.
My favorite ever. It makes me happy. Of course I'm biased, though. I have a day calandar of Murphy's laws sitting right here, on top of my computer tower.
When I first read the poem, I was a little confused about the hook taking its bite. And, well, I was still confused. I was about to write "unless he's a fish" but then I happened to notice your nice border. Fish. Ah. Don't I ever feel intelligent? But then the fall and the pinching and such confuses me, so I'll just nod vacantly here.
However, in this:
I asked you, if you'd pinch me,
And now of course I see.
I believe that the comma after "asked you" is not gramatically correct.
also in:
The reason I thought I was dreaming,
Was because It's not supposed to be!
I don't see a reason for the comma after dreaming. And you seem to have a double space after "thought." -
Great. I read this, and now I'm going to have to read more of your work. From the above comment, it looks like your other poems have immense quality as this one does.
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Again WOW. How do you do it? I really would like to know. You are too amazing. I wish I could just sit down and write like you do. Great JOB!!!!!
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I really liked this. Enjoyed reading it! But I think I found a typo. Isn't loose suppose to be lose? But other than that great write! Good Luck in the contest!
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