Swirls of liquid and in it I see,
multi-colored visions floating past me.
Oh, how different that place must be!
Author notes
Written March 16th, 2006
A contest entry
- Pixiku... About a painting... by Lavender Butterfly.
300 points, ended March 18, 2006, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Interesting told from first person view. Love it. A sense of wonder and amazement. Love it.
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You're more than welcome. Good Luck with this version.
Jim S -
I agree with your comment,I-Like-Rhymes. I think I'll change it to that. Sounds much better. I had misgivings about that last line myself. Thanks for the comment and tip!
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This is nice. A sense of wonder and hope.
A minor moan on grammar. The last line might be better as
Oh how different that place must be.
rather than difference.
But still good.
Jim S -
Great rythme in such few words. A lovely write filled with imagery. Thanks for your entry... x
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