I draw you near
I reach out to you late at night
But you're not there
I hold you in my arms
But you're not there
I see a shadow catch on the wall beside me
But you're not there
I feel you in my heart
But you're not there
I know your hand is in mine
But you're not there
I hear you call my name
But you're not there
I breathe your spirit into mine
But you're not there
I love you eternally
But how can I
You're not there
I believe you're with me always
Even though you're not there
I don't see you
But you're there
Author notes
About a long-distance relationship I once had.
In a list
A contest entry
- Across the world.. by Eyes Wide Shut.
859 points, ended February 14, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Thanks for entering this beautiful piece. The repetition really brought it together. Good job. I would suggest keeping the length of lines in closeness, the flow is slightly disrupted at times. Keep it up.
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This is a really good; the repition works well in this somewhat haunting tale of love in the infinate form. Well written; well formed. A very nice piece!~
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really well done. the repetition works really well in this. got a lot of strong details, could totally see the scene. raises a lot of questions, but doesnt mean i need answers. not 2 keen on the line "I breathe your spirit into mine" but other than that purrrfect.
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Emotional.
It is a great job. Thanks for sharing!!!!!! -
I enjoyed the read. My favorite lines:
"I love you eternally
But how can I
You're not there", they really bring out the pureness of true love. Somethings you can't change, even if you try.
The only thing you might want to add to this is punctuation.
Once again, I enjoyed the read. You did a great job writing this.
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this is a great piece. i love the use of repitition in this, it gives it a great sense of rhythm. you did a great job of capturing what it's like to love someone, and think they are around - see a shadow on the wall, but then to find they aren't. but also the end ties it all together nicely by realizing even if they aren't there, you know they are always with you. lovely job! thank you for entering, and best of luck in the contest <33
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Very nice. It was relieving to read after a number of poorly-spelled entries I've had to slog through.
The line "I see a shadow catch on the wall beside me" is just chilling. I adore it.
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