I compose a
poem while we
lie together;
there are no
metaphors here,
just unabashed
silk and cotton
rustling in the
dark, our
controlled breath
mixed with
clementine orange.
This is not an
earthquake shivering
the bed; the sun
does not cast the
afterglow we seek,
and our eyes are
not transparent so
we may view our
souls; we are honest
and spare ourselves
the complexities and
nuances and unbalances
of romantics.
There is no race
here, no sanctimonious alliance with God, no
gleeful rebellion against St. Augustine’s ancient Catholicism, no
bringing the human species back to the days of
Eden, no joining of the moon and sun, no heavenly meetings between
withered Greek and Roman gods set in antiquity’s simplicities;
just us;
embraced in
love, just us.
Author notes
I wrote this as an assignment for my Poetry Workshop class last year--a three-stanza poem in which the stanzas are of different sizes (line lengths, mostly) and the reasoning behind the stanza's different shapes is more-or-less implied in the poem itself.
Written March 12th, 2006
-BlackKnight-
In a list
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Uh...new favorite.
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Thank you for the comments. Feedback, particularly honest feedback, is something I crave. Many of the pieces you've read are older ones, particularly that "Ignite" poem. Not to brag or anything, but if you're lookin' for the good stuff, I'd suggest reading some of my newer material.
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thanks to everyone for entering, this will be a hard one to judge, i never imagined id have this many entries! just to let you know i will be judging the poems over the next few days, and i have picked some finalists. to all the finalists, i will make another round (or more) of comments, and see how the judging will go from there. stay tuned for updates
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ops forgot this...
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very nice, i love hoe truthfull this is, and how lothing is exaggerated...so...i dont know how to explain it,... very nice
thanks ofr entering my contest, and goodluck -
grr, I always forget to applaud.
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You completely amaze me. I haven't heard from you in a while though. How've you been?
This poem is beautiful and gorgeous and I'm... flabbergasted (didn't see that big word coming, did you?).
Each line suggested the beauty in the simplicity of love, and the black and white lines between love and sex. Where love is sweet and sensual and flirty and soft, there is sex which is racy and hardcore and rawr. You made it beatiful. Many applauds. And lots of 'and's. <3<3 -
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Flabbergasted, eh? Well, I can take pride into being able to cause this. w00t!
I've been alright; how've you been? I forgot, how old are you again? (Don't take that as an insult; I genuinely don't remember. lol)
Thank you for the applause.
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I like it...very different, I had to read it 3 times,,,,,but simply put...it's just plain ole'love makin
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wow.... I have no idea what to say. That was so completely beautiful. I completely fell head over heals for the last stanza. The lanuage was gorgeous. this a complete masterpiece. I love it. lovelovelove it.
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Thanks; good luck judging the contest.
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I enjoyed this poem, I liked the lines "there are no metaphors
here, just unabashed silk and cotton rustling in the dark, our
controlled breathmixed with clementine orange." you've made love seem sweet and simple.
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Hey now, I make sense.
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reading your poetry makes me not want to make sense.
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I could barely make sense of your comment due to the poor spelling and grammar within it.
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i really enjoyed this piece. the first stanza was just so lovely and full of such lovely imagery and words. it was definately my favourite part of it. i also liked the references and such that you made in the last stanza. they were beautiful, and neat. this whole poem is just so...amazing. awesome job, keep up the good work. <3
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Whoa!
This is really beautiful. I love the obvious statements in this. I love how it's subtle but at the same time very straight forward. Almost like "no games, no gimmacks". I really liked this. It was very poetic and true beauty with it artful arch and fall. I loved how it had that cresendo within it. At least that's how I saw it. I am in awe of this piece. I just love it's presence and it's form. Great write. I know your class is learning great things from you. Later. - cgirl0410 -
A unique and very well written pice of poetry! I love the way it is written; very nicely done! Thank you for sharing! Bravo!!!
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wat r u talking bout ????
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wowowowowowowowowowowow....
much luv~
shadowed -
I would've preferred an English comment, but I suppose I'll occasionally have to settle for less. Thanks though.
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ya n it totally rocks !believe me ! the innocence and the mood of the poem is catchy n it has a very impreesive style wid different para sizes ! keep it up !
keep penning
preets
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