Nightfall enters,
The horizon line fades,
The silence is distant,
The never ending plague.
It seems that your gone,
And banished from earth,
For the only sound around you,
Are the breaths that you shard.
All people are silent,
They dissapear into the night,
People shall banish,
And nightfall shall harden.
Its core is unloving,
Its life dangerouse,
For no-one No's nightfall,
As nightfall no's us.
Author notes
Hi i thought i would send this poem off because it sounds professional and is one of the best poems i have yet written.
Please contact me and leave you honest opion so next time i am writing a poem a can consider your pionts of view.
p.s thanks for the taking the time to read my poem
Written December 3rd, 2006
A contest entry
- Give Me Your Best by Chelsea Void.
300 points, ended June 30, 2006, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show me Everything you are... by ForgottenxMe.
700 points, ended December 26, 2006, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gold Winning Nature Poems- by Mercury Rising.
600 points, ended August 22, 2007, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Easy to please. by lilblueeyesmine1978.
425 points, ended September 6, 2007, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Nothing Boring by cali951.
500 points, ended December 3, 2007, 104 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Inspire me! by reinhardt-napoleon.
300 points, ended February 3, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~~~~Give me your BEST -- OPEN TO EVERYONE!~~~~ by Jade-.
550 points, ended February 27, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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The first stanza is strong and intriuqing, the second I like it and see the banishment but the "for" seems out of place there. The 3rd, I admit to getting a little confused, I think I get the general gist of it, but not crazy on "banish" in the both stanzas. The last stanze is actually pretty profound but there are some mis-spelled words there
Overall I like the feel of it, it's sort of epic, but the images conflict a little.
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I think this is a good poem how you describenightfall but eally I just dontlike the last too lines thanks and good job and good luck in my contest
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wonderfully written thanks for sharing. good luck in the contes and in life/
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"For no-one No's nightfall,
As nightfall no's us."
That confused me a little at first, but after reading it a few times it made perfect sense. I love the quality of this poem. It made me look over it again and again. It's nice to see a poem about my favorite time, night. The only things wrong that I see are some spelling errors. "Dangerouse" should be "dangerous", and that's all I can see, but otherwise this is wonderful. But, I apologize, you didn't make the finalists list. I have to be super strict because of all the entries in this contest. Your poem was still wonderful and I wish you luck in your poetry!
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I love this write and how you wonderfully described nightfall. I'm rushed for time, so later I will make a full verdict on your write. good luck!
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This is an excellent poem for sure, but I had asked for gold winning nature poems, and I don't see any gold trophy below your poem, unless you had deleted it and entered it again. Not to worry, just leave it in, as it might have been an honest mistake on your part.
David
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i am gona remove this poem cause its dosn't comply with the contest requirement.. i asked for seasons and nightfall is not a season.
well about ur poem, it well written and very descriptive, i also noticed the 4 line stanza formation is done very nicely,each stanza is strong by itself.. i am just dissapointed that u dint read the rules
you can add another poem instead of this -
the shards of breath are indeed nightfall
first correct these: ln5, 'your' to 'you're', ln10, 'dissappear' to 'disappear', ln 14, 'dangerouse' lose last ltr, this is a poem with its title that propells the reader into the first lines, these lines do their job with, for ex. nice inner word rhymes at end of lines, this is followed up by a brilliant line 7 and 8 '...shards' yes the lonely night where we are left with our thoughts and what is left over from the selfishness of others. last lines are a series of excellent word play, just like the stars and the pavement that stares back at its gray light in the night. very nice poem. great technique. yes.
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Best of luck in the contest
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thanks i wrote this when i was 12 i am now nearly 14 but enough about age!
thankyou and i am glad that you were entriged i just hope it was enough to win the competition. lol
take care and i ma just heading over to read a few of your poems i will tell you what i think! -
this is very interesting piece. some people consider night to be nurturing and friendly and much more calming than the day, but you've used the frequent ominosity of the night. The darkness and how cruel and unsafe it can be. the way you've written it about how we can or can't know it, but how it knows us and the difference in seeing eye to eye about that is very interesting. wonderful job.
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thanks i find ir easy writing poems especially one's about nature and i am really glad that you liked them.
hopefully you will also like the one's that i am due to put on the internet and i would love to hear you comments on them to!
thanks for the confidence boost and i am really glad that you liked them! -
AHHHHH
sorry i am serious sin love with your poetry!!
this one is awsome!
~Melli -
thnx i like nightfall to.
i wrote it when i was 12 i was sat at the computer and it just popped into my head. lol -
This is excellent Dear. You have a defanate talent and I recommend you keep it up
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