I've seen her dressed in shades of blue
Rivers of pain come flooding through.
She lays her head down tries to sleep
Dreams of the love she could not keep.
The visions drift, they come and go
Then melt away like flakes of snow.
Days of music, red wine and men
But this is now and that was then.
Her book of memories fond and true
The strangest feelings of deja vu.
Tear stained pages and photographs
Fade like dust in the aftermath.
She had a true lover, or so it seems
Broke her heart and stole her dreams.
He promised her heaven here on earth
Then bled her soul and all self worth.
Today I walked down by the ridge
Sweet Louise hanging from the bridge.
And no one knew that she was there
No loving soul to express a care.
The birds were silent up in the trees
A haunting wind sang of sweet release.
Her river of pain was flowing free
No shades of blue, no misery.
Author notes
Choaticrose
Written March 10th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Quirky Romance by Epilogue.
600 points, ended September 4, 2007, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - NO MORE ENTRYS. by Ginger Woods.
700 points, ended January 1, 43 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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This poem is so well written, the ending was sad but since it rhymed it almost seemed sickly twisted, as if it were a type of "ring around the rosey".
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This flowed so beautifully, i could not stop reading. All the words were chosen so carefully it seems to reflect the saddest emotions.
"Days of music, sweet wine and men
But this is now and that was then."
"Tear stained pages and photographs
Fade like dust in the aftermath."
Some lines that caught my attention. Really illusory.
I also fell in love with the last stanza- so sad yet so sweet. Touching.
Thank you for your entry.
~elizabeth~
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Absoltely beautiful and touching.. I love these sort of stories since they remind me of my own life..
Great job!
Good luck!
Taylor. -
This was a really good poem and is very emotional. Great job and good luck in the contest.
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o wow the pain was so real i love this goood goooddd work!
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Thank you,I'm pleased you liked it.
Shaz xx
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im not really into rhyming poems but this oe was beautiful. it was well written for it just all fit together and had an amazing flow to it. its such a sad poem but really good also. good luck in the contest and keep writing
Thankyou For Entering -
Congratulations on the gold, a very very well deserved win..this poem is beautifully written and very sad. They rhythm and rhyme are flawless, and you just can't help but get caught up in it and taken in.
What else can one say besides amazing !
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This is an amazing poem; your imagery is perfect, and your rhyming wasn't forced at all. You certainly deserved to win.
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very lovely... i loved the image you also have on your poem... very rosey...... you must tell me where you found it.. its a must have thing..... anyways... besides your most lovely rose... your poem... grammer is in place, your words flowed perfectly to what i was looking for.. imagery was written down to perfect pictures....very touching poem.... i liked it truely... Best wishes to your poem
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absolutely amazing. i like the way your words flow, the rhyming didn't sound forced.
i think the fourth stanza where you have
"Then bled her soul, and all self worth"
you can leave out tthe 'and' and remove the comma. it will sound much smoother.
alal in all this a just beautiful.
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Your poem is simply fantastic- it flows with its own smooth pace- the rhyming is so perfect- it sounds like a ballad-you have crafted it ever so well-images painted are par excellance-this is a brilliant piece I just have to applaud you
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brilliant
wow i enjoyed this one.....just as i was reading this the radio was playing delta dawn.....which seemed to fit with the mood of this poem to perfection....some nice imagery and descriptive words portrays the theme dark yes it maybe but when it is so well written the sad becomes the good write.....well done....like the artwork too.... -
SO SAD!
A beautifully sad poem that speaks volumes of the effects of lost love on the heart and soul and the will to live on a gentle and tender spirit who can't cope with the loss of it! A haunting ending with a warning to Handle Another Person with Care! I enjoyed it!
Peace & Love!
Earl.
Treat others with love and respect and a tragedy such as this may need never happen again. -
A beautiful piece that expresses a lot of emotion. The description is beautiful and it flows brilliantly. I'm sure i will read more of your work in future that is as pleasurable to read as this.
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As I read the first four stanzas, it was as if I was reading what someone had written about how I felt about 25 years ago. Aw mannnnn, am I that old? I know EXACTLY how all that feels and you captured it exceedingly well. I also appreciated the use of the blue at the beginning, the end and in the text as you made it stand out against the black. I think the way you set the poem on the page was well done too. I liked the image of the haunting wind singing of sweet release. I sought that once too. I'm glad I didn't though, things are better now. GREAT job!!
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Mum.
This is the prettiest
thing I've read
I loved every word
that you said.
I could have never
wrote something like this
so sad and beautiful
bittersweet bliss.
Love you mum, this was absolutely breathtaking.
~Sherry~
Edited on Mar 11, 2:39 because ''. -
a beautiful poem well done i loved it it was very appealing well done and i hope to hear more from you love ya xxxxxx
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Wow, this is a very very great poem. I'm glad I clicked it!
The rhyme is well done, and the lines flow very smoothly too. I also liked your word choice, and the way this poem conveys an atmosphere of bitter sweet sadness.
My favourite lines were :
"Days of music, sweet wine and men,
But this is now, and that was then." - I know these lines are fairly simple compared to the rest of the poem, but that last line there stood out to me especially.
I think in the line "The strangest feelings, of deja vu" you don't really need the comma.
Overall, brilliant work.
DancingRed.
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Her book of memories, fond and true,
The strangest feelings, of deja vu.
Tear stained pages and photographs,
Fade like dust in the cold aftermath.
She had a true lover, or so it seems,
Broke her heart and stole her dreams.
He promised her heaven here on earth.
Then bled her soul, and all self worth
she must have known my ex husband. seriously. you have written this so very well. good, no great write. viyanna r langager -
Great!
I don't think you need the comma after 'feeling' in the second stanza. But other than that, I loved this write! It sounded kind of mysterious, which was great. I also loved that you used 'shades of blue' at the beginning and end of the poem to show how sad she was. This was a beautiful poem!
-Thorin
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