Barrier
massive fractures glimmer in the gloom,
madly stretched across a stained glass world
like fissures from an ocean’s sprawling floor
that long had given up its cradled seas.
cracked by warring tides of gravity,
tectonic plates of crystal fold on fold
have fixed in place an ancient web of frost.
glacial mesas locked mid-heave reveal
the creeping ages set within their walls,
bands of mystery cast in varied blues
which darken down abysmal crevices.
prism floes deep-frozen into time
scatter diamond darkness through the void,
twice reflecting light against the skies.
Aquasphere
forever sealed from solar rays,
hidden waters rise and fall
throughout a dim translucent realm
beneath an ever-shifting dome.
salts and sulfurs permeate
the fluid motions of the deep,
recycled on a never ending tide.
colossal forces seethe between
a circumscribing rind of rime
and glowing bursts of molten rock
which shock the heavy flood to life.
superheated waters smoke
from vents within the stony floor
and spread throughout an ever-drifting stream.
Emanation
something stirs within the all pervasive black,
awakened from inertia; shapes begin to form,
which venture slowly out across a liquid realm
to feed and reproduce adrift eternal flows.
adaptations propagate until the waves
which roll in giant caverns against the icy crust
are filled with luminescent entities.
membranes, fins, and tentacles of every kind
propel imagination throughout a sheltered flux
where kindred songs reverberate across the depths
like shakuhachi timbres steeped in swaying swells.
and weaving through bespeckled stands of kelp-like worms,
leviathans glide easily amid their gleam,
microbes swirling gently in their wake.
Author notes
featured in:
Art Arena's World Poems: www.artarena.force9.co.uk/thomas5.htm
to learn more about the trisect: allpoetry.com/Column/1780251/all=1
Written February 24th, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 76 of 76
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Wonderful write it drew the reader along waiting for the next line very descriptive Thank you for sharing.
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Sorry I didn't comment this on the first viewing, my computer restarted (the old pile of rubbish) and I forgot to come back again.
To be honest, there's not much I can say. This is so massive, for want of a better word, it's overwhelming. Not the length, by any means, but...well, I hope you know what I mean. It's just brilliant. There's a tension built up throughout that stays with the reader even when it's finished. x -
Absolutely amazing poetry, and I was going to ask "Have you been published before" but I see you have, eh? The poetry on this site rarely comes close to publishable, in my personal opinion, but there are certianly some gems. I'm quite glad I found yours. Your poetry has a good flow, great imagery, and some words not even I know. Shakuhachi, anyone?
. Rewarded 4
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Hi Nick,
I'm glad you enjoyed this poem, and that you feel it's publishable. Since there's this rating system in place now I feel I should explain my rating, so here it is:
This wasn't really a comment in response to the poem itself, but on whether or not I'm publishable as a poet. I suppose I am, but the poetry publication market is pretty closed, sealed, like Fort Knox. It's very difficult to get a toe-in.
What would have been more useful to me would have letting me know what you saw in your mind as you read through the poem. What sorts of feelings were invoked, and in what areas you felt you might have been left dry. This being a trisect, I'm interested in knowing if you as a reader had a solid visual experience as you read the poem, what that experience was like for you as a reader, and whether or not this experience had some kind of impact.
After this I'm interested in knowing where anything seemed clumsy to you as a reader, what you might have thought of the line, stanza, and/or content structuring, and where phrases had particular impact and worked very well for you.
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great write keep the spirit moving. i think this has the best writers that i have seen on any sight. keep flowing
love the papa -
I am probably very wrong Erin, but this poem reminded me of global warming and its effects.Right or wrong? However although I don't think that this is one of your best poems it is still worthy of applause. thankyou for sharing
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I think you used good imagery but this poem is not reall clear to anyone. It is hard to understand. I know you put a lot of work into it.perhaps remove the science vocabulary and provide more natural description.
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Erin i love the poetry. You cease to amaze me you're like a god, and like i said before, you should be the president/king of AP....
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Such a good read.
Wow, very good imagery. -
yeh those adverbs and adjectives... they're like frenzied sharks that swarm enmasse to madly consume your poor helpless poem in a wild commotion of gluttonous rips and tears.
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I found this somewhat tough going... (but this may be my fault not yours; I am in less-than-good health, under great pressure with deadlines at the moment, and simply logging into Allpoetry for a kind of spiritual tea-break! Though tea-coloured print on black background is not particularly kind to the eyes)
However, "tough" poetry that challenges the reader's comprehension is not necessarily bad poetry (consider the metaphysicals, especially John Donne!), and I found this evocative and insightful. There is, perhaps, a tendency to attach an adjective to virtually every noun (perhaps you should watch this in future, it is all too easy to over-egg the poetic pudding), but in general it is a very competent piece of work. -
cool
i wish I had studied more science in school ... -
great!
woweee, well written. can't say that I understand the whole thing, but interesting! -
buenaw: sometimes the science vocabulary is the natural description.
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i like these, good work
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perhaps remove the science vocabulary and provide more natural description
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This was way over my head. I like simple. I do see your talent. I just don't understand your poem.
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facinating. I have never read a poem quite like this. In the first two, I understand what is being described here the third one though is a little beyond my comprehension. I know it has something to do with life. From the title and with the help of the first two... stanza?, I was drawing the conclusion that this would have something to do with Noah's Ark. I was surprised to say the least. However that did not detract from my enjoyment of the piece. Very well written and the thought process is clear stated.
Thank you for sharing
God Bless
Tammy -
This is excellent.
I have to admit this is a form that I too am unfamiliar with and yet you came on and showed us a classy write. I like that when my interest is peaked and I do not get bored with a write. -
WOW
I didnt quite understand a lot of this...
However, i do believe that this deserves my WOW-factor (which doesnt mean anything now... but just wait til im FAMOUS.. LOL...)
because the structure and the flow of the piece was unspeakably great... Coming from someone who doesnt know the topic, it still was an enjoyable read.
Keep Writing... and I'll Keep Reading... and maybe one day i will understand what you speak of...
-Kat
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Once I see the sidebar photo I realize I have been here before.
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Although much of this went over my head I enjoyed the flow.
Have a great day!
Babymonkeygirl -
outstanding
Merry meet,
Once again you astound me. I love it.
Amythest -
This was a wonderful read and I like poems that teach me something.Your insight is intelligent and the images are powerful.An enjoyable read.~Natari
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This flowed really well, and had a nice "texture" from the mix of lierary and scientific words and phrases.
A great piece, as it would not only have taken poetic ability to write, but also a pretty damn good understanding of earth science.
(Meaning this is not just another poem from any man and his dog).
Keep Penning,
=> Jess Black -
Primordially delightful!!
This was really fluid, both in and out! I liked the part at the end where you say small invertabrates swim in the wake, just as the story ends. Sort of the "tale's tail"!
Good job Erin! Liked it a great deal!
John -
thank you for your thoughts Harpagonis.
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The beginning of life has fascinated and inspired me greatly in recent years. Once I was done with a morbid obsession of writing about the apocalypse, I found a far more fetching picture could be drawn of the unknowable beginning of life.
The trisect is a form with which I am relatively unfamiliar and will certainly study in detail now that I have read this poem. The structure has lent greatly to the story you are telling by clearly separating the time of the barrier, the time of its destruction, and the time of life's beginnings, all of which, might I add, are delivered with outstanding eloquence.
Your language is a curious mixture of poetic and scientific words. This is true genius. Robert Pirsig acknowledges that by the latin etymology of the word technology, the arts and schools of science were once very much a single entity, and that the synthesis of the two has been lost, tragically, to a dangerously dualistic mode of thought in which emotion and logic are two seperate schools of belief. My point is that many people would recoil in horror at the use of the words "tectonic plates" in a poem, but all the same you have incorporated these scientific terms into an artistic work quite masterfully.
As usual, your work delights me. -
Wow, I didn't expect this, a truly pleasant surprise! A cool poem like nothing I've seen before, keep up the excellent writing!
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Let me try to begin at the end: Are you talking about "coecervates"? Haldane's theory! Formation of membranes!
"Shapes begin to form" is a deeper connotation: I believe it is about creation, in an abstract plane. First two parts depict the evolution, imagery is adventurous and abstract! I liked much of it, dude!
D -
I LIKE THIS ONE TO GOOD JOB KEEP IT UP UR FRIEND KANDY
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I don't want to waste your points as I don't understand this at all. Sorry, just me maybe.
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xeronik: give yourself more credit. i like that you noticed that there's an aspect to this poem that attempts to depict the origins of life [on another world]--this is why i've applauded your comment.
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Rj: oh i think you've read a poem or two of mine before.
i'm glad you enjoyed. hope you've been doing well. really nice to hear from you! -
Honestly this is the first time I think I tripped across your work. As to form, the texture and read speed is pretty much dead on. And although I'm no expert on the trisect form, this qualifies as a slick write by my standards.
As to content, you dealt overall well with movement of time and perspective often overlooked in "naturalistic" poetry. The write struck a nice balance between organic and structure. Overall this is a very skillfull write. -
A veryyyyyyyy interesting piece. Great vocabulary and knowledge of the earth sciences. You did an excellent job with this. Debby
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Well, I think this is just about the best thing I've read in a while ... the essence of a cosmic story written extremely well and with some gutzy inovation and damn good talent
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wow very very deep great imagery great flow this really stand out to me great image
cracked by warring tides of gravity,
tectonic plates of crystal fold on fold
have fixed in place an ancient web of frost.
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it is a bit lengthly but it is still a good write.
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wingnuts whim: i m living in the depths of chemistry where i drown in sodium, potassium and sulphur... but thanx for the new spell info didn't kno that. not that it's a help if i giv exams under London Examination board... neway i guess knowing sth new doesn't kill ne1 thanx agen. i'll cum back to read ur stuffs. bye. tc.
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This is so amazing I can't really say words to describe it.
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Hi, it is good to find an intelligent write done with poetic verse,very good my friend, if I was an editor I would snap it up, makes such a pleasant change to read something like this, lovely form tha suits so well this write, all the best, Di
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This is just amazing. Thought provoking, flowing, and with so much imagery! This is so intense and deep, it is wonderful. Even so, I did enjoy just reading it. The first time I read it it just seemed so... well thought out and planned. I like that in poetry.
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well it's a bit wordywordywordy.. lololol my new made up word.. lmao
but it's okay... for all the big words and arty fartyness to it.. it's quite good..
I know you'd like some gushing critique Erin, but I don't do gushing on a day with a Y in it.. lololol
I'm all for poets changing their styles and advancing.. but I do think it can somewhat pompous to think we've made a new format for poetry.. sorry, that's just my personal opinion..??
who knows.. I think you're striving to be one of the all time greats and I do like your poetry which I've read on and off over the many years on here...
but I do think that there is good, bad and indiffence ... and people can sit on either stool at times..
we all try
we all write
we love the written word
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Wonderful
A quite interesting and well stated work here. Unique and descriptive to no ends. Your intelligence in your work spews out immensely, i admire that whole-heartedly. Good form with the words, and the style of writeing is very original and intriguing. Thanks for the chance to read this, keep up the good writeing, look forward to more from you
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kickin' chickn'
dude... i didn't need to understand half the words to say that this was a deep deep poem... i know when something is deep when extremely big words are used quite often along with a taste of metaphors seemingly telling the tale of how life began, but i can only guess, becuz i'm so dumb, lol, compared to that, wow, so epic, if it had rhymed i would shitted myself and promoted it instantly, i can't even say keep up the good work, it seems meaningless to say, i expect you to keep writting like this, i have full confindence in you -
Great Imagery!! I love the flow and it don't quit!!
The hero is dead and the children are in bed... *Dont ask!
Great write I love it! -
TWILIGHT ZONE!
It must have taken you a while to write this one. The whole thing gives me the feel of the twilight zone. LOL. I will comment more when I have some more time on here but I like this. Reminds me of star wars. lol.
JAKE -
I immediately thought of Europa, which is odd, since the news was recently speaking of a different moon altogether. However, I have recently read "Imperial Earth" and "Farmer In The Sky", and the two together automatically spoke to me of Europa. Anyway, this is the best of your trisects I've seen so far. I honestly think you can send this to some of the big sci-fi magazines, except that they would consider this as "published", even though this is technically a workshop site.
I'm sure David would like it anyway.
Great write. -
RC: i'm content to just play a little role in the realm of liturature, inspiring the occassional novelist.
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Yes, aquasphere seems to be the rage. I too liked this part. Is it pssible that most writers of this genre delve into long versions of sci-fi. This seems to be just a snapshot of not only your intellect in this field, but your story telling as well. I guess where I'm heading is that it would seem writers of this type would offer up something like this as an apetizer with an entree to follow. RC
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This poem was definately out of my leaque in depth, verse, and education. Even so, I need to comment on it because I enjoyed reading it and it was definately worth my time. You have created some awsome imagery in this poem and really, inspired the imaginative fantasy of my mind while I was reading it. I think that "aquasphere" was probably my favorite part. To write a work like this you must have a very, profound imagination that is definately combined with some education. Good work, great skill, and great poem. I'm going to look at your page in a minute. john :-)
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ILR again: oh, and it's not entirely free form. there's a metrical pattern at play throughout the poem.
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ILR: the recent discovery on the moon of Enceladus is actually a happy sort of coincidence. however, the oceans i'm describing in "Aquasphere" and the life i'm imagining could exist in those oceans in "Emanation" i doubt could exist structurally or realistically manifest on Enceladus since it's only 300 miles wide. the moon of Europa, which is what the sidebar image is showing you a picture of, taken by Voyager 2, by contrast, is wide enough to theoretically allow a circumscribing ocean, warmed by gravitational activity and insulated by a perpetual crust of ice, to exist to depths of 20+ miles. i beleive oceans on earth don't go much deeper than 3 miles. if this environment has enjoyed long periods of stability, then there really shouldn't be any reason why life couldn't have manifested and evolved throughout those subsurface oceans.
Edited on Mar 12, 11:17 because ''. -
rifat: "sulfur" has become the more widely accepted spelling in the scientific community. you can look at the subsection, "Spelling", in this article on the element for further reference: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sulfur_%28element%29#Spelling
god i love wiki.
Edited on Mar 11, 7:04 p.m. because ''. -
Excelent Write!
Excellent! I really like it dude, keep it up!
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Another fine piece from your keyboard. I wonder if it was inspired by the recent NASA announcement of discovering free water on one of the moons of a sister planet. It certainly fits.
Whatever the inspiration you have again shown me the validity of free form challenging my long held beliefs on poetry.
Rightly or wrongly I see this as a good description of aspects of Genesis.
Well done and thanks for sharing.
Jim S -
Alright, honestly I read this one twice through. What did I find. I found that Aquasphere was by far my favorite. I found that Barrier was a little harder to imagine and I am not sure that i liked the imagry in that one. To me the words did not seem to flow well enough to make the picture. Usually your words flow like liquid and the picture is crystal clear. In Aquasphere, the meaning became very clear and concise to me. I enveloped the rest of the poem and found it rather enjoyable. Sorry if this did not make a lot of sense to you.
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27 views in less than a day......ah!
lol -
I loved this a lot - how you play with imagery and wrap up beauty in words is very thought provoking and I particularly liked Aquasphere - the description of a volcano painting pictures in my mind.. well done.
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most excellent
Merry Meet,
and they say science isn't good poetry, silly creatures -
in the first line of the stanza-2 of the part Aquasphere, the word "sulfurs" should be "sulphurs"-*confused look* so i think... neway, it's a very deep and very poetically elaborate piece. the metaphysical form or the realm of the poem is very intelligently presented. i like the usuage of words. and the expressions used are great... hmm unique to be precise.i would like to read more of ur works. u have created an interesting drive in the tone of this poem.
i'll definitely come back to read more of ur works.
thanx for sharing.
tc. -
I don't have a favourite part...the whole was lovely. Thank you!
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May favorite part was the 1st stanza of the third segment. I very much liked the idea of the creatures coming to life. The problem I'm encountering is that I can think of a million different things that this could be describing, but none of them seem to fit. One could be outerspace and planets being formed (creatures). Or, it could be the relationship between the ocean, tides, and the moon. I can't figure it out. I think you've done very good with your subtlety this one. As I can't see the original intent.
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within 11 hours you have already got 20 views.....I am jealous!........lol
KAY -
This was a very powerful poem, with a lot of intriquing ideas. You are a very talented writer, and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future! Keep writing!
Amanda -
it was interesting. it almost sounds like someone ion meditation becoming totally in tune with the world.
very nice -
Such a wonderful presentation - the balc background the sphere and the colour of the print make this page a standout - stark and classic. Wonderful word combinations and super images - well written.
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the imagery in this is spectacular. i am in awe that you could write something so vivid that does not overdo it. great write and thank you for sharing your talent with me. viyanna r langager
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hmmmm this was intriguing, i like it a lot. i like the line
Harmony
"something stirs within the all pervasive black,
awakened from inertia; shapes begin to form,
which venture slowly out across a liquid realm
to feed and reproduce adrift eternal flows."
it was just flows, lovely. i like it.
-Kim =] (comment back?)
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The poem was excellent.I liked the line "like fissures from an open sprawling earth's floor."It seemed like I was reading the beginning of the making of Earth.A very visual poem.Yeh!
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great stuff full of great imagary I really enjoyed it thanks for sharing Im glad I clicked here
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the last stanza, on the sea (or so it sea-ms), is my favorite of the lot. your words rock. terrific write.
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"something stirs within the all pervasive black"
that was my favorite line
I like it--a lot.
Very nice poem. -
Genious
ah! dude-man you make space sound like it is crawling with life and you give it almost a sacred feel to it.... I also feel special that I am the first to comment....lol...anyway..if you had not told me prior to your posting of this what your inspiration was then what i would have got from this was that there was some sort of struggle going on in a foreign world....especially the second stanza under the first subtitle....I felt more from "Unbounded" but I also realize that this one isn't as personal as "Unbounded" was for you...... fantastic write!
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