Upon your windswept grave I dance
Enhancing the hate that swells in my chest
A canorous jig strums well through six feet
With vigorous anger you've left me bereft
Uncanny souls drift through the mist
Silent amongst my howling cries
Defying the answers I beg to hear
Instead I dwell on your venemous lies
"Your heart was your own to break
You just can't finnish what you start
I held you up, you drug me down
And this is why I must depart"
"Silence" I cry with booming desire
Though melancholy my pride doth hide
Askew and losing touch of reality
Anger my fuel, insanity my guide
Weeping for things that should be forseen
A blind eye cast in your direction
Hidden from the you i wish to understand
Clouded by your lethal affection
If only my lips could conjure your refuge
Your zombie like stare wouldn't be such a change
Sifting through your maze of illusions
The truth inside I must rearrange
And then, yes then you could see me die
One last move to drop your jaw
This morning I join you in Death's cold arms
Through six feet of eternity I thrash and crawl
In end you are the death of me
Apollo rise as my journey's begun
Ablaze and in your arms I'll be
Consumed to match the sun
Author notes
okay, so I might have went a little overboard on this one. I took a little bit from each option given in the contest, seemed like a good challenge. Out of option #1 I chose to use the title "To Match The Sun. For option #2 I used windswept, weeping, melancholy, foreseen, lethal, eternity, understand, illusion, askew, guide, conjure, and uncanny in my poem. Also in the third verse I rearranged the quote by Elliot Smith. It is written a bit backwards, but all the essential components are there and I believe it is quite visible. Oh, and I don't usually do the whole rhyming thing so cut me some slack, lol!
Well, my thoughts tend to be out there so I thought I would explain this poem a bit as it does have somewhat personal meaning. A few weeks ago in a cemetary across the street from my buddies house a man soaked himself in gasoline and lit a match. Yes, in case there is really question, he is dead. So I got to thinking and wondering what could have happened to make a man even consider that sort of suicide!? Vengeance with a dynamic impact is what came ot mind for me. So anyways, there ya go, hope you all enjoy!
Written March 10th, 2006
A contest entry
- Options!!! yay!!! by Pretty Hate Machine.
400 points, ended March 14, 2006, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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I've never read you before this moment, but I can tell already; one day, you are going to kick so much poetic ass.
Of course, I could open your next piece and find you already do lol -
great
this was insightful and meaningful keep writeing for the cause.
and that being humanity... how long will we last -
very well written with a great flow. i absulutely loved it. i enjoyed so much. keep it up.
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Nicley flow on this poem. The anger you put in this poem just takes my breath away. I am amaze how wonderful you did on this poem. Good luck on the contest. Enjoyed this one very much.
wish you the best
snow
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I learned a lot by reading this...like never tick off dead poet83. Loved the passion of the piece. Scary though.
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Well Done
Very well done, each verse flows well with the next. -
>>In end you are the death of me
Apollo rise as my journey's begun
Ablaze and in your arms I'll be
Consumed to match the sun<<
sounds exciting...You missed an article before end...and "the death of me (which is a little breathing syllable) can be tweaked to "my breath". Apollo rise or rises?
A very interesting perspective, a nice way of writing!
D
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Outstanding
graet flow and use of words. awsome poem. -
The anger and and emotion was very prevalent in this write nice work!!
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I could sense the utter anger and repression through this poem. sometimes, extremists are appreciated in society!!Good work
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A startling poem, so good!
The things that happen that we never know about unless somebody does what you did: write a poem based on a horrific event.
Thank you for sharing your amazing message, which you wrote so incredibly and sensitively well! We should always be on the lookout for the downtrodden souls who are in despair. 
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Good narrative which I liked a lot Good rhyme here, don't worry about it- I liked it
Interesting use of dialogue here Good personification of death here too Keep writing, this was a very dark poem
Thanks for your comment
All the best
Pozo
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Whew. That was a whirlwind of a poem - it kept me on the edge of my seat. I could hardly wait to get to the next line so I read it really fast and had to go back and re-read it again. It was absolutely brilliant. I ADORED the last few lines, especially the very last one. But the entire thing was just amazing. A truly perfect poem. I have to read more of your work, definitely!!!!
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Well I was gong to say I thought it was a little long but then I read your comments and it all makes sense, I deffently liked it just thought in smaller doses it would contain more impact. good use of words flow and style
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Excellent
WOW! Great job using all the options. You blended them together very well and the poem flows effortlessly. Thank you for the explanation in your author's comments. What a horrible way to die. Anyway, this is a great write and good luck to you in the contest. Nice to meet a fellow Elliott Smith fan. -
Well written, but it is not really my sort of thing so hard to give a sound comment - I havent read the rules of the contest but a lot of thought has gone into it - good luck.
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Revenge poems are quite unusual, and in this one you add an interesting twist, with the revenge turning into suicide.
I hope these images come out of attempts to make poetry, and don't reflect the state of your mental health :-)
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incredible
This is an incredible poem. I can understand the feelings very well. I hope you do well in the contest. -
cool stuff...
i really enjoyed reading this!!!
the wording and flow go together so well!!
keep it up!
: f:
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Such revenge is unimaginable - but then I think of the suicide bombers and isn't this similar in a way - getting even for something. Well written, well expressed emotions in these words,
Edited on Mar 10, 2:32 p.m. because ''. -
good write.
Such great imagery.
Good stuff.
Thanks for writing this.
The Zombie dead stare and Jaw drops suggests, that this poem is real..
is it? -
Your heart was your own to break
You just can't finnish what you start
I held you up, you drug me down
And this is why I must depart"
this is something i have been told many times. you have quite a vivid imagination my friend. thank you for sharing it with me tonight. viyanna r langager -
This piece is quite vivid and imaginative. This poem once the reading starts must be read to the end.. no stopping. It has good flow and meter.. just a good piece of work.. even if it is a bit out there..lolol... well done.
Debby
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