One drop so prismatic, salt water accentuation
on this pale cheek, falls from excessive tribulation;
followed by equally flawless copies of glistening pain,
on a face that now looks different, but has always been the same;
freeing themselves from the lifeless, empty pools where they were created,
the windows into a soul that can't help but be hated;
dead visualization, except for what is known inside-
a life that was worth living that so willingly died.
Floodgates break open with the anguish never-ending,
from a body so brutally broken because of all the bending.
Words cannot be spoken because of a lost voice,
but hearts were severely broken because of the choice.
The perfect salt drops stream over flawed skin,
from inability to deny what's been hidden within.
Skin tears and veins bleed out a life of annihilation;
the cold kiss of death's embrace is the only salutation
awaiting as the last drops break free, bleed free;
surrounded by death is the only way to see
the source of life now unbeating, like the promises, shattered,
and the voice that learned to fade away because nothing mattered;
starting out so dead inside, but the sickness unfurled-
a lifeless lump of imperfection made known now to the world.
One drop so prismatic, such perfection on the surface,
on this pale cheek dries, gone like the soul that lost its purpose.
Author notes
rose blood 87-I can be a sister, or whatever you need really. 
Feel free to leave criticism. That's what makes better poets.
Written March 5th, 2006
A contest entry
- ~ 1st Round ~ of 5 Rounds ~ Anything goes 1st Round - 30 or 40 entries will advance to round 2 - Time is running out~ HURRY! by Florida Sunshine.
450 points, ended October 28, 2007, 36 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 61st Contest by Tarja.
475 points, ended November 8, 2007, 2 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me your Best! by O.o.
300 points, ended December 25, 2007, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Help fill my AP Family by desiredpain.
550 points, ended January 10, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - COME ONE! COME ALL! QUICKY FOR 200 PEOPLE! by Umi Juvariel.
800 points, ended January 21, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show Me What You've Got! by SpeakLove93.
600 points, ended May 5, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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Originality: (8/10)
Emotion: (7/10)
Poetic devices: (14/20)
Structure/flow: (6/10)
Cohesion: (7/10)
Title relating to poem: (8/10)
Personal opinion: (7/10)
Syntax: (7/10)
Diction: (8/10)
Total:72/100 -
Stunning
This piece is so full of imagery. Although it is dark it is wonderful. The emotions come through so clearly and so easily. Your words are chosen nicely and it flows very well. This is truly a wonderful piece. Very nicely done and thank you for entering! -
the last tear drop
very interesting monologue to a last tear..the one that drifts out with the soul .....a mystery tour of sadness it was ..a last tear on a perfect cheek ...a sweet farewell kiss upon it ...
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For a tear-drop poem, I thought this was very well written. The structure was nice too. I think that it fits for this contest, and that it is a perfect addition. Excellent write and good luck in my contest!
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Thank you very much! I'm glad you liked it.
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Very well written! loved the imagery! And, welcome to my family, sister.
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I'm probably falling into repetition with all my comments, but again I want to tell you that I definately enjoyed the imagery here and that you have a perfect rhymescheme and flow captured inside...
well done!
Leander -
truly sad..
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Wow, this definitely is impressive. So much imagery, and it completely breaks the cutting cliche for me. I love your metaphors and way of wording things. I really don't like rhyme much anymore, but you proved that a good poem can still be achieved.
Thank you for entering, and good luck
Jeanette*~ -
Fantastic, most definetly in my top 4
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Awwww thanks!
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Congrats on the honorable mention. This was really wonderful. I am so not a fan of self mutilation but this was a total exception! It was so dramatic and well written! Thank you for entering and good luck.
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Thank you very much for the comment, and the silver trophy!
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Beautiful imagery! Great write Thank you so much for entering and best of luck to you in the contest!!
Leslie -
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Thanks very much!
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Good lord... the imagery here was like WOW crazy good! I think you need to watch your sylabols just a bit though, but other than that, you definetly have a talent. Thank you very much for entering my contest and good luck.
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Thanks very much!
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I looked at this is earlier~ ~ this is heart pounding free write~ your words were poetically posed perfectly... gave the piece its own identity. I really don't know if the effect of the piece would be the same in any other format~ nice write.
Thanks for entering my round contest ~ good luck to you! -
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Thank you very much.
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Oh my god, this was perfection. Good luck, and I thought mine was good, but not anymore.......loved to see that rhyme scheme more and more..good on you love.
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Thank you very much.
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Very well done
A good write indeed. -
explicitly sad
that was like wow, so deep and sad. all the emotions one could not feel, seeping out in their tears. the imagery was superb. the pain that was expressed through your pen anguished but glorious at the same time. yes it was a powerful write but hopefully the shed tears emptied the cup to allow more to come eventually. so its never gets too full to overflowing and ends. if you get my meaning about a the cup(always making room, to purge one's soul) -
Yes......I love this touching poem.. Such tenderness of vision. Thank you for sharing....
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very powerful and i know i did not set a limit of poems but u have entered a few and try not to enter so many
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Thanks very much! Glad you liked it, and didn't let the subject matter impair your judgment of its potential.
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this is an amazing poem. its so full of...everything. its packed together with so uch emotion.i love how you ended it, it was a brilliant piece of poetry. good luck in the contest and keep writing
Thankyou For Entering -
Very good lead-in (first lines)... really grabs the attention. This poem has one heck of a vocabulary. Good job with this.
Best of luck in the contest. -
WOW This was truly an amazing piece that I have just read !!!
Very well written my friend and I must say the comments above really say everything that I have also thought when I was reading this !!
A pleasure to read and well done thankyou for sharing xx -
Accentuation tribulation and then a standing ovation for a muse so despairing did bring about a joy to the pessimistic reader in me and yet the sadness so profound cold kiss of death's embrace and yet emphasised to the core with the prismatic reflections
Shubs
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good one
good luck in the contest. nicely done good flow and feel to your work... -
Wow, a previous person said the topic had been overused and though that may be true you've done a beautiful job making it... well... beautiful.
This is so much more... maybe... intelligent than many of the other writes on this topic that I've come across. It is your wording mainly, I think. It really makes this flow and really read nicely.
Thanks for entering. I am going to have the toughest time ever judging... -
At times (for example, in the end) I thought this was a bit explanatory though not much. That wouldn't be so bad if this poem dealt with a less discussed topic. However, I love your use of words. For example your first line was so powerful (though I'd say the whole poem was powerful, leaving the reader with a vivid image of your feelings).Your vocabulary and word choice seemed fairly impressive to me, because this isn't your usual cutting/suicide poem. This flows well and has good rhyming and rhythm, it is pleasant to hear. There is a risk that, being pretty clear and on this topic, some people may consider it a mere manifestation of your feelings, though I think there is more to it. You may like to revise this line a bit:
"the cold kiss of death's embrace..."
This seemed overloaded, with the "kiss" and the "embrace" both in the same line, both referring to death. I'd suggest only keeping one of them, and, since "death's embrace" sounds more cliched to me, I think I'd keep the "kiss" if I were you. Also, that adjective seems to make the expression unnecessarily telling and ordinary, so how about just keeping "the kiss of death" or death's kiss"? These are suggestions, so if you want to, think about that line more, but don't necessarily take my suggestions.
Otherwise this seems very intense, Miracle, though perhaps you need to try a nrewer approach to this topic that's been overused. After all, being emo doesn't mean writing the same. You could prove that to the world.
~Diana -
this is a great poem, a killer read, thanks for sharing it, you are an amazing writer so to you i say, keep it flowing
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Wow...This is...amazing. Really good. I hope to read more like it.
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